The Road To Confusion
by Olivia Y
Summary: Losing his identity. Discovering his heart. Heero sees life in a whole new light... The rest is just a road to confusion...[UPDATE-CHAPTER 22]
1. Prologue

**The Road To Confusion**

**PROLOGUE **

Pacing…pacing…pacing…

Along the narrow hallway of the tiny, weatherworn cottage, in the dim light of dusk, Duo Maxwell paced. He had long since lost count of how many times he has been up and down the same short length of floorboard, but he felt that if he kept up much longer the creaking wooden surface beneath him would give away.

_Please be alright Heero…please…! He prayed in his heart…__How would I face the others if anything was to happen to you? You have to get through this! I know you have the strength, and you have to find your determination! Be strong Heero! Be strong and fight your way through!_

Pacing…pacing…pacing…

Suddenly, the door opened with an audible squeak, and Duo finally stopped his endless pacing to face the man who emerged.

"How is he?" He asked anxiously

The man, a military doctor, smiled reassuringly "It'll all be fine" He replied "The bleeding has been stopped and the fever's gone, so I think it's safe to say he'll be good as new in a few weeks or so"

"Whew!" Duo collapsed against the wall from relief and fatigue "Thank heavens!"

"He's still asleep but you can go in to see him if you want" The doctor stepped aside.

"Great!" Duo quickly entered the room "Thank you doctor" He called as the doctor left. 

He walked over to the bed and gazed over his sleeping companion "I knew you'd be okay Heero, I knew you wouldn't disappoint me" Exhausted, he sat down on the tiny chair next to the bed and immediately fell asleep.

*                                  *                                  *

"Ouch!"

At the sound of Heero's voice, Duo awoke with a start, and promptly fell out of his chair. As he scrambled to get up, he noticed his friend staring at him quizzically.

"Hey!" He greeted him cheerfully "About time you woke up, I was getting worried there!" 

Heero just went on giving him that queer look.

"Quit doing that!" Duo started to feel embarrassed "It's not like that was the first time I've made a fool of myself in front of you…besides it was all your fault anyway"

He waited for the characteristic "Hn" from Heero, but it didn't come, instead he just went right on staring.

_This is weird… Duo thought…__The only time he ever stares at anyone for so long is when he's giving that infamous death stare, but this isn't it, he doesn't look like he wants to kill someone, he just looks really confused…_

"Heero are you okay?" Duo asked cautiously "You look a bit dazed…"

Heero blinked and looked around, then fixed his gaze on Duo again. Duo waited for a string of questions to come, "Where am I" "What happened" "Did we complete the mission" etc etc etc… 

But none of those questions came, instead, with a voice so meek and gentle that Duo hardly recognized it to be Heero's, he asked:

"Who are you?"


	2. First Attempts: Part one

**CHAPTER ONE  
  
**

It was about two in the morning when the phone rang…

Quatre groaned as he reached over to his bed side desk and fumbled for the phone handle.

"And they tell me I'm lucky to be the only one with a line extension in my room…sheesh!" He muttered before grumbling into the speaker "Hello…?"

"HEY QUATRE IT'S ME DUO!!" The voice on the other side boomed, Quatre had to hold the receiver a mile from his ear.

"Dammit! Can't you talk any softer?!" He cursed, not even _he was capable of being nice at that time of day "It's two in the morning!"_

"Oh…" Duo lowered his voice "Sorry…I forget the time difference, it's like seven in the evening here"

"Whatever…" Quatre just wanted to get roll over and go back to sleep "What's up?"

"Uh…well…I have to tell you something…important"

"It better be important if you want me to ever forgive you for waking me up _now"_

"Err…well…see…I…umm…"

"Spill it Duo…I can't stay awake much longer…"

"It's Heero" Duo finally said "There's something…not quite right about him…"

"What?" Quatre's sleepiness wore off a bit "What's wrong?!"

"Well…we had some…trouble, and umm…" Duo decided to just tell him in one go "Heero got wounded and he had severe internal injuries and he ran a high fever for about two days and we had to hide in this little apartment place until he's fit enough to travel and I had to take care of him and…"

Quatre was getting more and more anxious as he went on "Why didn't you tell us earlier?!"

"I'm calling you now and you're still complaining it's too early!"

"Duo!!" Quatre yelled in frustration "You know what I mean!"

"Well I didn't' want any of you to worry so…"

"And by telling us now it's suppose to make us less worried?!"

"Nonono…just listen to me!" Duo rushed on "He's okay now…like, he's awake and he's healing nicely and everything…"

Quatre breathed a sigh of relief.

"But umm…there's one little thing wrong with him…"

Quatre tensed up again "What?! What do you mean?!"

"Well…you see…it seemed that…" Just then Duo was interrupted "Hang on for a sec…"

Quatre strained to hear what was going on but all he could make out was muffled yelps of "LATER!! LATER!!! STOP IT!!!"

"DUO!!" He yelled into the phone "WHAT IS GOING ON!?!"

But Duo didn't get back to him for what seemed like forever, when he did at last speak to him again, it was merely a rushed "Sorry, gotta go now! Look, we'll be back by around noon tomorrow, our time, which makes it seven pm tonight for you guys, I'll talk to you then!"

"WAIT!! DUO!!" Quatre cried desperately.

"Quatre I can't talk! I'll see you tonight!"

"DUO!! DUO!!!!!" Quatre shouted in vain, but all that came was an audible click, and the dial tone came on.

He stared at the receiver for a few minutes, before finally replacing it. His hands shaking a little, what on earth was going on over there?!

He looked up, and was surprised to see Trowa standing at the door gazing at him.

"Oh…how long have you been standing there?" Quatre asked, slightly embarrassed.

"Not that long" Trowa walked over to him "Is everything alright?"

"I don't know…Duo won't tell me!" Quatre started to feel frustrated again "He said there was something wrong with Heero but he didn't get a chance to say what it was! He just hung up on me!" He looked up at Trowa "What do you think could possibly be wrong?! He said that his wounds were healed and…everything…what could be wrong?!" He bit his lip, trying to hold back his urge to cry.

Trowa sat down next to Quatre on his bed and placed his arm around him "If Duo said he's okay, it can't be anything too serious"

"But…but he said something was wrong!" Quatre protested.

"If it was really serious, he'd have told us sooner, I'm sure everything's fine"

"I hope so! Oh I don't want anything to happen to any of you!" Quatre laid his head upon Trowa's shoulder "Ever…"

Trowa smiled faintly, and gently ran his fingers through Quatre's platinum blond locks. "Don't worry about anything now, just go back to sleep, it'll be alright"

Quatre calmed at his gesture, and soon, by his slow regular breathing, Trowa could tell he was asleep.

He placed him tenderly back onto his pillow, and pulled the cover over him. Just as he was about to leave the room, a sudden strange impulse came over him, and, instead of leaving, he laid down on the bed next to the sleeping figure.

_It's so like you to worry and fret over a single phone call… Trowa thought as he watched Quatre…__But that just reflects how kind hearted you are…that's what makes you so special._

                              *                                  *                                  *

"They should be here by now!" Quatre looked out the window anxiously "It's almost seven thirty!"

"Don't forget your source of that information was Duo" Wufei reminded him "That guy has no sense of time, if he said seven, I interpret that as been eight thirty, at the earliest"

"But…what if something went wrong? What if Heero got worse or something?!"

Wufei shook his head "Stop worrying about that, I'm sure everything's fine!"

Quatre was hardly convinced, and proceeded to start shredding napkins.

An hour passed…

Then two…

The pile of paper shreds in front of Quatre was building up to a small mountain, he had already worked his way through several packs.

Trowa placed another package on the table "They better get here soon; this is the last pack in the house…"

It wasn't until twenty minutes later when their doorbell finally rang. Not only that, it was accompanied by loud knocking and shouting.

"HEY! WE'RE BACK!!! OPEN UP!!" Blared the voice on the other side.

Wufei rolled his eyes "Typical Maxwell behavior"

"That wasn't Duo" Trowa corrected "That was Heero"

"It can't be!" Quatre exclaimed as he headed towards the door "Heero doesn't talk like that!"

"Think what you want, I'm telling you that was Yuy doing the talking"

Wufei and Quatre looked at each other and shrugged, mutually agreeing that Trowa was out of his mind.

"COME ON GUYS!!! OPEN UP OR I'LL KILL YOU!!" The voice boomed again, followed by a stream of laughter.

Quatre's hand froze on its way to the knob. No mistake this time, this was definitely Heero…but…what the hell's gotten into him?!

Wufei lifted a hand up to his forehead "I must be sick…I'm hallucinating"

Finally the door was opened. 

"About time already!" Duo muttered as he came in "You'd think that after all this time away you'd miss us enough to rush to the door and throw it open at the sound of us"

"Umm…Duo…"Quatre began hesitantly "Was that you doing the shouting just then?"

"No, that was me" Heero spoke up "Sorry about that, but it was getting so damn freezing out there! Do I own any proper pants? These spandex offer about as much insulation as a layer of glue or something"

"You've worn glue?" Duo asked.

"No, but I guess it'd feel about the same…"

"Don't knock it if you've never tried, it may be warmer"

"Sure whatever, maybe one day I'll give it a whirl…"

"Ha! Really?! I'll put it to you as a dare!"

Heero laughed "Only if you do it as well!"

Quatre couldn't help but interrupt here: "Heero are you alright?!"

Heero looked quizzically at Quatre, then suddenly broke into a wide smile.

"Hey Duo…this is that Quatre dude you told me about right?! He's cuter than you described!" He approached Quatre and looked at him up and down so many times it made Quatre uncomfortable.

"Heero what's gotten into you!?" He asked desperately "Are you alright?!"

"Umm…that's what I need to talk to you guys about…" Duo stammered.

"Start talking fast Duo" Wufei has finally found his voice again "You've got a lot of explaining to do. But first tell us…" he pointed a finger at Heero "Who the hell is that?!"

Heero looked over at Duo, puzzled "I thought you said they'd all know me"

"Umm…yeah well…see I kinda didn't tell them some stuff and umm…"

"Duo just take it slowly!" Quatre intervened  "Wufei don't give him a hard time"

"Aw…that's so sweet!" Heero yelped before grabbing Quatre and smothering him "Man! I just want to hug you and squeeze you and…eh…hug you and squeeze you and…umm…hug you and squeeze you…"

"Help! Trowa! Anybody!" Came the muffled cry of distress deep within Heero's embrace.

"Heero what do you think you're doing?" Trowa demanded as he tried to loosen the grip he had on Quatre "Snap out of it will you?!"

"Sorry guys!" Heero grinned "Caffeine high"

"You fed him coffee?" Wufei turned to Duo.

"Umm…yeah…dark with seven sugars…" Duo admitted guiltily "But that's not the real reason he's acting so weird…" He turned to Heero "Err …why don't you go and work on your laptop for a while or something…"

"Laptop?" Heero frowned "What do I do with it?"

"I don't know! You never explained any of it to me…just…go hack something or whatever"

Heero shrugged, but complied "Okay, whatever" And left, whistling. Suddenly he turned around "Wait a sec! Which one is my room?!"

"First one down the hall, left hand side"

"Oh…right…" They heard him open the door "Whoa! So neat! I must've kept a maid or something here!"

"No, just one very eager lady by the name of Relena Peacecraft" Duo muttered before turning back to his other three friends.

Who, at that moment, had become the staring, gaping trio.

                        *                                  *                                  *

"Amnesia?" Quatre uttered in disbelief "You sure?"

"Selective amnesia actually" Duo corrected him "It's like…he remembers everything…expect anything in association with the war, he knows the stuff you learn in school, like how to read and all that. It's not as if he's mentally an infant or anything, just he really doesn't know who he is"

"Welcome to my world" Trowa murmured under his breath.

"He couldn't even remember how to pilot his Gundam, they had to be shipped back on a carrier, and I had to accompany him on the plane back…"

The others simultaneously raised their eyebrows, Heero clueless about a Gundam… what's next?!

"How did this happen?" Wufei asked.

"Well, he was injured…" Duo began.

"Yeah we know all that" Quatre interrupted "Did he get knocked on the head or something?"

"Not exactly…the doctor says it's more the fever that did it, like it damaged part of his brain or something, and he's lost some of his memory"

"Will he ever get it back?" Quatre asked timidly.

"Um…well, there was this specialist who says it's a case of intended amnesia, like Heero, somehow, purposely erased the information from his memory…"

"What?!" Wufei exclaimed "How the hell do you do that?!"

Duo shrugged "Search me, I didn't get a word of the technical stuff…but anyway I think what he suggested was that if Heero is subjected to some traumatic experience he'd snap out of it…"

"Then shouldn't we try to stimulate him or something?" 

"I don't know…" Duo shook his head "I thought of that too…but then, he seems so happy right now, more than I've ever seen him before, so I'm a bit reluctant to do that to him…"

"Hang on a sec" Trowa broke in "You said he lost his memory, but that shouldn't make him so hyper and crazy…I know I never got that way"

"Heh..Heh.." Duo laughed nervously "I guess that was kinda my fault…"

Three heads turned in his direction.

"What did you do to him Maxwell??" Wufei demanded.

"Well…see…I had to like, take care of him until he could travel…and well, you know me! I kind of subjected him to my influence and…" He sweatdropped "Since he had no real personality then…I kinda turned him into me…" 

Group blink.

"Omigod" Wufei moaned "Two Duos? This can't be happening!"

"I didn't do it on purpose!" Duo objected "I didn't think that a bit of me talking and coffee and sugar and…a few episodes of the Looney tunes…would make a person so hyper!"

"You sure he's okay…like physically" Quatre couldn't help asking one more time"

"Yes! The doctor assured me about a million times, it's not his body that's gone out of whack, it's his mind"

"So what happens now?" Trowa questioned "What are we meant to do with him?"

"Do with him?" Duo never thought about that part "I guess we just…keep him and retrain him or something…"

"Retrain the Perfect Soldier…are you crazy?" Quatre protested "How can we possibly do that?! None of us were ever capable of doing the stuff he used to do…how can we retrain him?!" 

"I don't know!" Duo threw up his hands in frustration "I didn't exactly plan this to happen!"

"There's nothing we can do about it now" Trowa said softly "I suggest we just go to bed right now…perhaps in the morning he would've come around"

"I doubt it…" Duo said "If he was to come out of it so easily he'd have already done it by now"

"But now he's back in this familiar surroundings and everything, maybe it'll trigger something…" Quatre put in hopefully "Maybe we ought to talk to him or something…"

"I think you'd better stay away from him for a while" Trowa cautioned "He may try to strangle you again"

"He wasn't trying to strangle me…he was just…umm…"

"Hugging and squeezing" Wufei finished for him "Look, I agree with Trowa here, we're all tired, I think Heero's asleep anyway, why don't we wait till tomorrow morning? We'd all be able to think better then" 

The others nodded silently and headed wearily back to their own rooms.

Duo sighed…this is going to be a long and sleepless night…

Maybe the coffee wasn't such a great idea after all…


	3. First Attempts: Part two

**CHAPTER TWO**

By the time Duo managed to drag himself out of bed the next day it was past noon. As predicted, it _had been an awful night. The coffee kept his senses alert until way past midnight, and he could've sworn he heard Heero laugh sometime during the night, though he couldn't be sure. He had no idea what hour it was when he finally dozed off, but now it was almost twelve thirty and he figured that perhaps he should make an appearance._

He shuffled into the kitchen, his eyes still half closed and his hair in an atrocious mess. 

"Nice of you join us, Duo" 

He jolted, and noticed his friends sitting on the couch watching him. It was Quatre who had spoken. Slightly embarrassed, he replied:

"Umm…sorry, bad night…" Looking around, he added "Where's Heero?"

"Still in bed" Trowa informed simply.

"What?!" Duo exclaimed, there was actually someone later than _him?! That __was a first!_

"He was still caffeine crazed till about one in the morning" Trowa continued "He was laughing at whatever it was he was doing with the laptop, so I decided to drug him"

"Think you used an overdose there…" Quatre shrugged "Anyway, we were discussing what we're going to do while Heero's in this…um…condition"

"Don't talk to me until I get my coffee" Duo put up a hand to stop Quatre "I can't think right now"

"But Duo, aren't you worried about him?"

"Worried? I've gone beyond that stage!" Duo started adding sugar to his cup "Just tell me what you've come up with"

"Well…" Quatre began hesitantly as he mentally kept count of the number of spoonfuls "I thought perhaps we should show him some familiar stuff, like photos, places, all that kind of stuff, maybe something will trigger his memory, and he'd come out of it"

"I hardly think any of that is stimulating though…" Duo said thoughtfully "The doctor did say traumatic events…"

"What kind of trauma are we talking about here?" Wufei questioned.

Duo just shrugged "Throw him off a fifty-storey building without a parachute then tell him to put his body back together"

"DUO!" Quatre exclaimed "That's crazy! He'd be dead!"

"I was kidding okay?" Duo hastily added "Sheesh! Don't you think I have common sense?!"

"There's a debatable question" Wufei muttered.

"Guys!" Quatre yelled, frustrated "Can we get back to this?"

"I think the photo thing is a good idea" Trowa quietly put in "A classic approach"

"Yeah perhaps the picture of that woman and her whole pink attire would be traumatic enough for him to bring back his memory" commented Wufei.

"Duo, are you going to stop it with the sugar?" Quatre suddenly asked "You're up to twenty-five spoonfuls"

"Oh!" Duo hastily placed the lid onto the sugar jar "So…is anyone gonna go and wake Heero?"

"Don't bother" Trowa stood up "Considering what I gave him he'd be out for a few more hours"

"What!" Duo exclaimed, bringing his cup to his lips absentmindedly 'What kind of drugs do you keep in the house anyway?!"

"Secret formulae" Trowa replied as he passed Duo on his way to his own room "And by the way, your cup's got no coffee in it"

Duo looked down, it was true. He was holding a cup of sugar.

Quatre giggled, Wufei just rolled his eyes and mumbled "baka"

Duo groaned…what a way to start the day…

                  *                                  *                                  *

 Around three that afternoon, Heero finally made his way out of his room. Like Trowa had predicted, the drugs kept him knocked out completely until then.

He made his entrance in a similar fashion to Duo, the only difference being his hair not being long enough to mess up as much. He stumbled into the living room and flopped on the couch across from where Trowa and Wufei were sitting.

"Hey guys!" He greeted cheerfully.

Trowa nodded, Wufei just grunted.

"Sorry about last night, I was slightly over the top wasn't I?"

"Hardly the word" Wufei murmured, and Trowa shrugged.

"Oh...well…umm" Heero tried to come up with something to say, but failed. Instead he made his retreat to the kitchen where Duo was, yet again, looking for food.

"How do you manage to live here?" He asked while Duo proceeded to ransack every compartment of the kitchen.

"What do you mean?" Came the muffled voice from deep within the cupboard and Heero wondered if he tried hard enough to, whether he'd be able to shut Duo into the cupboard.

"Well, there are some pretty hostile people living here" Heero continued "They don't make very good conversation do they?"

A strange sound erupted from the cupboard. If he didn't know any better Heero would've thought Duo had chocked on something, but he could tell it was merely laughter.

"What? It's true!" Heero protested.

Duo emerged from his little hole "Heero, I wish I recorded you saying this, if you ever get your memory back I'd play it over and over again to you until you threaten me with your famous 'omae o korosu'…on second thoughts I'll just keep replaying it anyway."

"What are you talking about?" Heero asked, utterly lost.

"Never mind" Duo walked into the dining area, his arms loaded with snacks "What you do need to worry about if Quatre's plan on helping you regain your memory"

"Huh?" 

"You're gonna be bombarded with a tonne of photographs later on" Duo explained, ripping into a package of Oreos "Quatre seems to think it'll trigger something"

"He's so cute!" Heero grinned "I just have the urge to…"

"Don't even think about it" Duo warned "Trowa's a very overprotective guy"

Heero moped for a second before asking  "So I'll be shown a heap of photos…is that all?"

"That's all we have planned for now…unless…" Duo's eyes suddenly lit up "Hey! Why didn't any of us think of this before!" He leapt up, and, abandoning his food, he grabbed Heero and dragged him into the living room.

"Hey guys! I just had an excellent idea!"

"Idea, I'll take, excellent, that's up for discussion" Wufei commented.

"Whatever you want" Duo shrugged off the insult "Listen, instead of doing the whole photo thing, why don't we take Heero to his Wing Gundam?!"

"What?" Trowa looked up.

"Think about it!" Duo persisted "A lot of his traumatic experiences actually take place in or around his precious mobile suit, so maybe if we expose him to it again he'll remember!"

"I thought you said he couldn't fly it…"

"Oh well he doesn't need to actually use it, just let him feel it and stuff, maybe something will remind him of something and then one thing will lead to another and… you know, chain reaction and all that…I'm sure it'll work!"

"What was wrong with Quatre's idea? It seems a milder way to start" Trowa still looked doubtful.

"We don't want mild! We're trying to stimulate him remember?!" Duo was practically yelling by this time "Come on! Lets' try it at least!! Come on guys! Please!!" 

Wufei sighed "Okay fine whatever. Looks like you're not gonna shut up until we do"

Duo grinned, that gets him every time.

                              *                                  *                                  *

Two hours later, Heero stood facing his Gundam

"Well?" Duo asked hopefully "Anything?"

"It's cool" Heero gazed up in awe at the enormous mobile suit "And it's mine?!"

"Err, yeah, don't you recognize it?" 

Heero shook his head hesitantly, he did feel a strange bond with this huge hunk of machinery as soon as he saw it, but he couldn't see why.

 The others stood around, exchanging looks with one another, not sure what to make of Duo's idea or Heero's reaction.

"Try getting into the cockpit and see if any of it rings a bell" Duo suggested.

Heero shrugged, and obeyed. With ease he made his way into the cockpit.

"See? He still has his natural instincts" Duo turned to the others proudly "If he just follows them I'm sure it'll come back to him"

The others still looked doubtful, and gazed worriedly up at the Gundam.

"What do you think he's doing?" Quatre wondered "I hope he doesn't hurt himself"

"Nah, he'll be fine!" Duo reassured "I'm sure he has a handle on the situation…just give him a little time and you'll see…"

Before he could finish, Heero stuck his head out of the opening and yelled

"Hey guys! What's this? What would happen if I pressed this button here…?"

He held out a small object with one hand, with his thumb on a small red button on one end.

It was the self detonation device.

                              *                                  *                                  *

"I can't believe this!" Duo exclaimed, sliding onto the floor in exhaustion "That was just too close!"

"You _think?!" Wufei glared at him "It was your bright idea! Next time think before acting on such impulses!"_

"Well how was I to predict this?!" Duo argued, and gazed at the tiny device he was clutching in his trembling hands "Man…even without his memory his instincts still direct him to search for ways to self-destruction!" He looked up at Trowa gratefully "Good thing you were here, your acrobatics really saved the day!"

Trowa shrugged "It's not part of the mission to self destruct without a cause"

"So is this enough to convince you guys to go back to the original plan?" Quatre asked hopefully.

"Definitely!"  Wufei said decisively "No more heavy machinery or weapons for him for a while…Heero's instincts and Duo's nature just doesn't mix well when it comes to exploration of new things"

By this time, Heero was feeling completely bewildered.

"Anyone wanna explain to me exactly what just happened here?" He demanded "I mean, you tell me to come up here, follow my instincts, then upon the first opportunity I get to experiment with something, Trowa does a gymnastics move and takes it away from me?"

"He saved your life there" Quatre reminded him "If we delayed for one more second you would've blown us all out to space"

"Is that what that thing was for? Wow, this thing is cooler than I gave credit for!"

Duo shook his head, Heero wasn't afraid of the prospect of death. After all, he was still Heero, no matter how much influence he had on him he would still be Heero…

"Guys" Heero announced after a moment "I'm hungry"

Duo raised his eyebrows, speechless, after something like that all Heero could think about was food?!

Maybe his influence was stronger than he thought…


	4. First Attempts: Part three

**CHAPTER THREE**

"I can't believe you've kept all this for so long Quatre" Duo shook his head in amazement as he looked over the huge pile of albums the blond boy produced out of nowhere, each labeled and dated.

"I thought we would want memories of things we go through" Quatre replied "And I figure none of you would bother to do it"

Duo picked up the top album and opened it randomly "Profile pics?"

Quatre nodded "Yeah, first things first, we have to get him at least familiarized with these people if recognize them"

"You really think this will work?"

"I can't be sure, but at least it's a safe way of starting"

"Umm…yeah…" Duo coughed, and smiled weakly "I guess…"

The two of them carried the bundle into the living room and set them down in front of Heero. 

"What's this?"

"It's part of the plan to get your memory back" Quatre announced "In a non-destructive fashion" He handed the profile album to Heero "Any impressions?"

Heero flipped it open with interest. He stared at the photo on the first page "Whoa… this guy's _intense man! He definitely has issues….major ones"_

Duo leaned over and burst out laughing "Heero, that's you!"

Heero's eyes widened "You're kidding! I look like I wanted to kill someone!"

"Naturally…"

Heero shook his head in bewilderment "This is going to take some getting used to, you guys all seem to imply I was like…_really scary"_

"The Perfect Soldier" Trowa commented "Calm, cool, collected, capable of achieving anything as long as he believed in it, ready to face any circumstance, put his life at risk over and over again"

"Honestly?" Heero whispered in disbelief "I wish I could recall some of this…but I truly can't…I've tried, I really tried hard" He looked up at Duo "You tried to help me and everything…but I just can't get a grasp on anything. Sometimes I would look at something, and feel a strange sense of bonding…like with the Wing Gundam…but I can't tell where it came from…"

"I know it's hard to have no idea who you are" Trowa looked at him sympathetically "No one knows better than I do…that's why you have to try to remember. I'm sure there's something that'll trigger your memory…we just have to find it"

Heero glanced at Trowa, there was a strange warming in his heart at those words, and he almost felt himself blush under the gaze of those watchful green eyes.

"Well now that you have identified your angry old self" Duo interrupted "Shall we move on?"

"Oh…" Heero snapped back to attention "Sure thing" He hastily turned the page, and immediately burst out laughing.

"Now _this guy I recognize!" He pointed "What's with the expression!?"_

"It comes of nature" Duo replied in defense to the bizarre look he had on his face in the photo "Besides the flash really killed my eyes"

"Obviously…" Heero studied the picture closer "Yup…the same hair, the same weird look, the same clothes…do you ever change out of that outfit by the way?"

"There's nothing wrong with my outfit!"

"You look like a priest"

"I was raised by a church, it's only natural!"

"Well, sheesh! Oh forgive me Father Maxwell for I have expressed hysterical amusement at your outward appearance"

Duo responded to this by give Heero a solid clunk on the head "NEXT!" He declared.

Heero flipped to the next leaf, and felt himself redden slightly.

 "Trowa…"

He looked up and again made eye contact with him, a strange sensation rose in his chest "Umm…this _is you right?"_

Trowa just nodded.

"You think anyone else could pull off the unibang look?" Duo asked.

"Umm…no" Heero couldn't think of what else to say, so he just kept turning.

"Quatre…great smile dude!"

"He was always the most photogenic!" Duo grabbed Quatre and ruffled his hair "Won't you say so Quatre?"

"Quit it Duo" Trowa finally spoke "You're making him uncomfortable"

"Ooooo…Trowa to the rescue!" Duo said teasingly "Can he save Cutie Quatre from the Malicious Duo?"

"Quit it" Trowa repeated.

Heero couldn't help feeling a tiny bit jealous at the Trowa's protectiveness, but tried his best to ignore it by turning his focus back to the photos.

"This is…you…" He looked over to Wufei "Sorry I never got your name"

"NATAKU!!!" Duo shouted "Call him Nataku!"

"My name is Wufei" The Asian boy announced quietly "Nataku is what I call my Gundam…and in times such as these, _baka is what I call Duo"_

 Duo pretended not to hear.

Quatre leaned over to Trowa and whispered "The next picture should be of some significance to him…that guy did make a pretty strong impression on Heero's life"

Heero turned the page, and everyone fell silent, waiting.

"Zechs Marquise" Heero said absently.

Quatre gasped "He _does remember him! Heero! You __do know him!"_

"What?" Heero looked up, completely lost "I'm suppose to know him?" He pointed to the picture "I can't even see his face here…How am I meant to know him? What's with the mask anyway? Costume party or something?!"

"Err…" Quatre was at a loss for words "How did you know his name then?"

"You labeled it" Heero indicated the neat handwriting at the bottom right hand corner of the photo "I haven't forgotten how to read"

Everyone sighed, partly in frustration, partly in disappointment.

"Well what's with the mask anyway?" Heero persisted "What does he look like without that mask?"

"Long story" Duo turned the page for him "This is him without it…don't comment on the hair…" He turned again "On to the females…"

"Relena Darlian?" 

"Anything?"

Heero shook his head "Nope…what's she like?"

"You're better off not knowing" said Wufei "It may save you some nightmares"

Heero raised an eyebrow "That bad eh?"

"Oh come on!" Quatre protested "She's nice!" 

"Nice? _NICE?! HER?!?!" Wufei exclaimed "Are we talking about the same thing here?"_

"I'll just go on!" Heero hastily turned the page before Wufei had a chance to launch an attack.

"The circus?" He wondered aloud "You guys had time to go to the circus?! I thought you were soldiers!"

"We have to have _some time-outs" Duo replied "We're still kids after all"_

"Wow…wish I remember this one…looks interesting, this girl looks way cool!" He indicated Catherine "Although the outfit is a bit wacky, still…nice legs, great figure… only what's with the weird guy holding her?"

"Weird guy?" 

"Yeah…this clown person…the half mask...really peculiar outfit…the hair's weird too…"

"Oh dear…" Quatre cast a glance over "That's Trowa…"

Heero dropped the album in shock, his face burning up.

"Oh…umm…sorry…I…umm…" He couldn't think of what to say.

"It's okay" Trowa shrugged "It's one of my other jobs" 

"Yeah, should see him do the tightrope…that trick really comes in handy when trying to escape from enemy spies" Duo winked and added "Heero you look like a tomato"

Heero made a major effort to unblush, then, picking up the album, he opened it to where he had left off, and immediately dropped it again.

"EEK!! FREAK!!:

"Well that rhymed nicely…having a try at poetry there?" asked Duo casually.

"Well that was one freaky picture!" Heero lifted the album "Never imagined anyone could look so frightening! What did she _DO to herself?!"_

"Dorothy right?" Trowa asked "It's natural" 

"Those eyebrows? That really is a freak of nature!" Heero couldn't get over it "I swear, pick one off and you can stab someone with it…or use it as a compass or whatever! At least I'll recognize her easily"

"I tried to convince her to wax them once" Duo said "She just gave me the dirties"

"With features like that she looks as if she's permanently give people the dirties"

Quatre decided it was time to stop commenting on poor Dorothy.

"Try a different album" He suggested and picked one up at random "Here"

Heero looked at the delicate small folder in his hands "Quatre I know you're really into the sweet-n-sentimental theme and everything but don't you think the pink and the lace is going a little overboard?"

"I didn't make this one, it was present to you from Relena"

"Relena?" Heero looked at the initials on the cover "R.P?"

"Relena Peacecraft" Quatre told him.

"I thought her last name was Darlian"

"Another long story" Duo said, then continued in one long breath  "See her real family was killed and she was adopted by this family called the Darlians and so she took their name but then her real name is Relena Peacecraft and she has this older brother called Milliardo but he wanted to disguise himself so he called himself Zechs Marquise and wore a mask and that's who you saw a while ago and Heero you look really lost am I going too fast for you would you like me to slow down so you can catch up or would you just like to forget this part totally which is kinda stupid to ask since you don't really remember any of it anyway why are you still looking so lost oh never _mind"_

"I followed you until up to 'Another long story'"

"Just look through it"

Heero opened the album and studied the first picture.

"She's kinda cute" He commented, and everyone except Quatre chocked.

"Now I've heard it all" Wufei said "Heero commenting on Relena and saying she's cute…_CUTE?!"_

"Well…" Heero shrugged "Mildly anyway"

"Wait till you meet her, or re-meet her"

"What?"

"Nothing, continue" Wufei motioned.

Heero kept turning.

"Hey! I'm in this one…and this one…and this one…and…umm…how come there're so many of me?" Heero felt puzzled "And why do I look so angry in most of them…that is…this _is me right?"_

"Doesn't that tell you something about the girl?" Wufei asked "Now _she's the one with the major issues…don't think she'll ever get them sorted out though"_

"Well if she can't even be sure of what her full name is she definitely has a problem…did _she ever contract amnesia?" Heero questioned._

"This is getting nowhere" Trowa muttered, running his hands through his hair "Sorry but I don't think this is doing any good…we're just making him confused"

"But what else can we do?" Quatre asked, disappointed "I thought that someone here would trigger something…I mean we've all been through so much, how can it just be wiped out like that?"

"Obviously this amnesia thing is deeper rooted than we thought" Trowa replied "When I lost my memory it came back to me after seeing you Quatre, that was enough for me…" 

_You were all that it took, because you were the most significant person in my life…_

"But here…" Trowa shifted his gaze to Heero "From what Duo said, it could be intended amnesia…I think Heero purposely wiped out that part of his memory somehow, and subconsciously he doesn't want it back, which is why nothing can stimulate him enough to get any of it back"

"What are you talking about?" Heero asked, completely mystified "Of course I want it back! Do you know how frustrating it is hearing you all talk and not understanding, to wander around here not knowing where I am, who I am or what my purpose in life is?"

"You don't understand" Trowa continued, still in the same soothing tone "Perhaps in your state of mind now you do want it back, but Heero somehow conditioned himself to forget, it's too complex but I believe that's what happened"

"So…"Duo spoke up hesitantly "What you're saying is Heero really doesn't want to remember any of his training or the military education he went through? He doesn't want to live as the perfect soldier any longer?"

Trowa nodded.

"That's so uncanny!" Duo frowned "I don't believe that's true!"

"It's just my theory, whether or not you believe it doesn't make a difference, all I'm saying now is no matter how many photos or other symbols of the past we show or use on him, it's not going to work because that's not the root of the problem"

"What's your solution then?"

Trowa shook his head "I don't have a solution, but I know what we're doing now is not going to help"

Quatre hung his head sorrowfully "I'm sorry"

"Hey…it's not like you were wrong for trying" Trowa comforted him "We just have to do it some other way"

"Throw him off a building" Duo tried again.

"What?!" Heero gaped at him "Why?!"

"See? Not even that holds any significance for him" Trowa emphasized "References to the past isn't going to do the job…and even if putting him into a dramatic situation such as the one you suggested so faithfully" He glared at Duo "I think we should concentrate on a method that leaves him _alive by the end of it"_

Quatre sighed, and nodded.

"I guess this is all in vain then…we just have to leave it up to himself"

"What?" Heero said again "What do you mean?"

"We can't help you like this" Wufei said "Obviously we haven't come across the important element in your condition, and before we know the root of the problem we can't solve it…we just have to leave it to chance" He paused for a moment, before adding "Try to be strong…I know you are, but something must've broken inside you, I don't know what happened…but you have to try to bring yourself back!"

Heero stared down at his own hands, his head was starting to hurt from trying to take in everything. He knew what they were implying. Dig deeper…it's there somewhere…

Trowa stood up.

"For now…I think the best thing for you is to get some rest, leave the rest up to fate"

Heero looked up at the sound of his voice, he still felt so completely lost.

As Trowa passed by Heero he leant down and said softly in his ear:

"I do know what it's like to have no sense of who you are or why you exist, I've been through this myself, perhaps I never had it as hard as you but I do understand…but trust yourself Heero, with your strength it'll all be alright…I'm sure of it"

The voice…

Again, Trowa's voice, and his presence, sent a strange sensation through Heero's heart, and he felt his cheeks flush. Somehow it increased his heartbeat yet calmed him at the same time.

His gaze followed the taller boy as he made his way down the hall. Unable to move or think for the moment. It wasn't until Trowa disappeared into his own room and Duo started shouting "EARTH TO HEERO!!"  that he finally snapped back to reality.


	5. Developments: Part one

**CHAPTER FOUR**

"Can't sleep…can't sleep…ugh...Not _again!!!"_

Duo tossed and turned, wishing he could just shut down somehow "I'm sure Deathscythe has it easier than me…he can switch off with the turn of a button but here…ARGH!!" He grabbed his pillow and pulled it over his face "My head is about to burst! If this continues I'm gonna end up a zombie!!"

He could not stop thinking about Heero, and how things were turning out for him. _How can we get him to remember if he subconsciously doesn't even want to? And how's OZ gonna react to this? Sooner or later they'll figure something's wrong with the Wing pilot and who knows what the hell they'll pull?!_

Suddenly his door squeaked open, and he sat up, shocked, who would be entering his room at _this hour (Not that he had any idea what hour it was anyway)?! His hand automatically reached over to where his gun lay on his beside table and he squinted to try and make out the figure in the doorway._

"This is eerily familiar…" He thought as he gripped his gun "Reminds me of…"

The scene came back to him. His was in an OZ cell, his Gundam captured by the Taurus units…they were planning to use him as a scapegoat to gain support of the colonies…and then…

It was just like this, the figure in the doorway…Heero…

The dim light of the moon backed up the shadow, Duo instinctively looked at his hands to check if they held a gun.  

They didn't. In fact his arms were wrapped around his shoulders in the cold night air.

"Heero?" Duo called softly "What's wrong?"

"I…um…I can't sleep…" Heero stuttered, sounding almost…well, timid. Duo couldn't help wonder if he was dreaming, this was a tone of voice he had never heard of before.

"What do you mean?"

"I…just can't sleep…"

"And I'm meant to help you _how?" Duo asked, incredulous, thinking "Here I am with severe insomnia and you want me to put you to sleep?"_

"Umm…I…can I…like…err" Heero kept stuttering.

"What?"

"Umm…" Heero suddenly shivered, and Duo realized he was only wearing a light opened shirt and his spandex with the majority of his body exposed to the freezing air.

"Get over here!" Duo commanded, and without thinking he lifted his bed covers "I don't want you to get pneumonia on top of amnesia, then we'd get a woozy crazy Heero"

Heero seemed eager to accept the invitation, and without needing to be asked twice, he quickly shut the door behind him and climbed into Duo's bed, his feet brushing against his legs as he did so. Duo shivered.

"Whoa…you really _are cold aren't you?" He pulled the covers over Heero "Now, what is it that you wanted?"_

Heero looked down and muttered something in a voice so low it was inaudible. 

"What?" Duo asked again.

"Can I sleep here tonight?" Heero finally voiced.

Duo was caught completely off guard.

"Huh?! Why?!" 

"Well…I'm so used to sleeping in the same room as you and everything…and after everything that happened today that room felt so…wrong…"

"You slept there fine last night!"

"That's only because Trowa drugged me out! I could've slept in a garbage truck with what he gave me!"

"I'd like to see that" Duo said under his breath "So you feel more comfortable here? You wanna switch rooms or something?" Not that Duo would be willing to give his room up permanently; he may just be extra nice and let Heero stay in it for a night.

 "No…I…just wanna sleep with you…"

"Ark?!" Duo squeaked "You want to…"

"Please?" Heero looked up at him with enormous puppy dog eyes, which was enough for him to break out into a cold sweat.

"Umm…I guess it wouldn't hurt…" He replied hesitantly "You sure about this…?"

Heero had already lain down on a pillow and closed his eyes "Yup…"

Duo sat staring at the figure next to him, strangely enough Heero was smiling, and all of sudden he looked so innocent, so full of bliss. The moonbeams shone upon him gently, his hair fell softly over his eyes…

He couldn't remember the last time he saw this soldier look so perfectly satisfied…so _happily satisfied…_

_Perhaps Trowa was right after all…Heero had really wanted to forget, perhaps at some point he just got tired of this life, perhaps he just wanted to start again…and never go back…_

Suddenly he felt reluctant to try and make Heero regain his memory…perhaps he'd be better off this way. Ever since they've been back, expect for the moments he fell into confusion, Heero had been so happy, more than he had ever been before. He would laugh, joke and show all sorts of affection he never allowed himself to display before…and now…there was this…he had acted like such a child just now, an adorable child who needed to be cared for and protected, and he had looked to Duo for such needs…he would never have yielded to such emotions before…was amnesia really such a bad thing? 

                              *                                  *                                  *

Heero had already risen by the time Duo awoke the following morning, he had absolutely no idea how he eventually managed to fall asleep in the end. The last thing he remembered was listening to the sound of Heero's steady slow breathing next to him, he must have drifted off somehow…

He staggered out of his room, and immediately fell on top of Wufei.

"ARK!" Duo croaked as he scrambled to get off the smaller, milder boy.

"Well good morning Duo" Wufei said in an oddly calm tone "Nice greeting"

_Isn't he going to yell? Duo thought incredulously "Umm…sorry…bad night!"_

"Obviously" Wufei remained lying on the floor as he waited for Duo to get back on his two legs "Your clumsiness sure hit an all time high here"

Embarrassed, Duo held out a hand to help other boy up, but as he tried to pull Wufei to his feet, he somehow managed to slip again, the two of them went crashing down, Duo landing back on top of Wufei.

"MAXWELL!!" He finally yelled "Is this going to become a routine?!"

"Sorry!" Duo cursed himself, what the heck was up with him anyway?!

Before he had a chance to get to his feet, Heero and Quatre appeared at the end of the hallway.

"Oh…my…" Quatre stammered "I…err…sorry, I didn't know you guys were busy…" He quickly turned and walked back to the living room, leaving Heero standing there by himself.

Gaping.

 "Argh!" Duo finally stood up "It's not what you think!!"

Heero remained silent, his eyes had widened to a size Duo never believed humanly possible. His mouth formed a perfectly shaped "O", which reminded Duo of a certain pet goldfish he had kept once.

Wufei stood up as well "Heero, it was just Duo's stupid foolishness, it was nothing really"

More gaping.

"Heero! Stop it!" Duo exclaimed, running up to him and shaking his shoulders "It was just an accident…it was _nothing okay!?"_

Then he realized Heero's face was becoming positively crimson in his attempt to control a building laugh. Finally it erupted, and Heero ran out of the hall leaving behind a stream of crazy laughter.

"OH man!" Duo pulled at his own hair "_Now what am I going to do?!"_

"Bury your head in the sand Duo" Wufei commented as he walked past "Ignore him"

"But…but…shouldn't we try to clear this up?"

"What is there to clear up? It's not like any of them really thought anything"

"But Heero…" Duo tried to protest.

"He was just reacting the way you would've if you came across such a scene"

Duo thought for a moment, it was true. He tried his best to shrug it off and continued on into the kitchen.

"Hey guys…" He started to greet, but cut off when he saw his three other friends—even Trowa—stifle giggles. "IT WAS AN ACCIDENT!!" He shouted in frustration.

"Mmmhmm…sure…whatever" Quatre nodded knowingly "Gee Duo, you have such twisted ways…"

"Classic case of the 'opposites attract' scenario?" Trowa teased. "Who would've guessed…?"

"Man you guys need to get a room, seriously!" Heero commented from behind his coffee cup "I mean, you two did take up quite a bit of space in that hallway!"

"Grow up!" Wufei demanded "Leave us alone!"

"Oooooo….!" Heero grinned "Developments eh?!"

"So soon?" Quatre asked innocently.

"Can it guys!"

                              *                                  *                                  *

Later on, in Wufei's room…

"I can't believe the immaturity of those guys!" Duo shook his head "Ugh!"

Wufei eyed him with amusement "This is like listening to Heero complain about other people's hostility, hypocrisy at its peak!"

"Sheesh!" Duo waved off that remark. "So…what do you think about this…situation? I mean Heero's condition not our…incident" He quickly added.

Wufei shrugged "Truthfully I'm lost about what to think of it all" He admitted "The perfect soldier goes off on a mission, and returns as the perfect caffeine-high-crazed-out-abominable snowman…what was I _suppose to think!?"_

Duo sighed "I don't know…I'm not sure what to think anymore…see…" He suddenly felt the urge to confide in someone "Heero seems so…_happy…nowadays …okay okay" He hastily added noticing the look on Wufei's face "He's being a little crazy, but you know what I mean, I've never seen him so…contented before…"_

Wufei nodded "So now you start to wonder if this is in fact a good thing?"

"Yeah!" Duo was surprised he saw through him so quickly "What…what do you think?" He asked again.

"I reckon we should just leave it up to fate" The Chinese pilot replied with certainty "There's nothing we can really do to help him get his past back, and there's nothing we can do to stop it coming back if it had to. I don't think we should try stimulate him on purpose nor should we intentionally avoid the topic. Just leave it up to fate"

Duo twisted his braid, looking hassled "But…but…" 

"Stop worrying about it" Wufei went on before he had a chance to voice his doubts "Such hesitations are a sign of weakness!"

"Can you leave your strength and justice arguments aside for a while?! This is a friend we're discussing here!"

"Exactly! Don't you think it's only appropriate for you to be strong now, for him at least if not for yourself?"

Duo sighed. Wufei had a point, he can't start feeling confused now, he can't throw Heero into further confusion, not when he's already in such a state. And it was true, they could do nothing to aid or prevent Heero from going back to his former self, it was beyond their control.

"You're right…" He said at last "I need to snap out of this mode"

He stood up and walked towards the door, just before he left the room he turned and smiled "Thanks"

"For what?"

"Nothing…just…thanks"

Wufei frowned as he left the room. That guy in here just now wasn't the carefree, happy-go-lucky Duo he knew, he had seemed so worried, so fretted and so perplexed…

He shrugged to himself. It wasn't that unnatural perhaps…

After all…the issue _was Heero…_

                              *                                  *                                  *

That evening, Duo wearily made his way back to his room, for the first time in a long while he actually felt sleepy at the right time, he was looking forward to finally a goodnight's sleep.

He climbed into bed and pulled his covers over his head, waiting for his senses to slowly drift and shut off…

"DUO!!!"

"ARGH!!" He yelled, and bolted upright, grabbing his pistol again he aimed at the intruding figure.

"Whoa! It's just me!" Heero shouted with his hands up "Drop your weapons I come in peace!"

"HEERO!!" Duo cried in frustration "What the heck? Why are you doing this to me?!"

"What?" Heero blinked "I just…wanted to sleep…"

"Well go ahead! Goodnight!" Duo laid down again and waited for the click of the door shutting, he was getting sooooooo sleepy.

The click did come, but then, rather than total silence prevailing, Duo felt his bed move beneath him, and he propped himself up on one elbow "What the…!"

Heero was in his bed again.

"Heero!" He exclaimed "What the…what do you think you're doing!"

"I umm…wanted to sleep here…"

"What! Again…why?!"

"I'm just so used to it now!" Heero tried to justify "And I just…can't sleep without… your snoring in the background…"

"What!" Duo protested "I do not snore!"

"Wanna bet?" Heero grinned.

"Err…no…not really" Duo thought the better of it "But…but…but…is this going to be a permanent arrangement?"

Heero didn't reply, just gazed at him with those big pleading blue eyes that could melt the paint off their Gundams.

"Heero…" Duo objected weakly "I…"

"Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease?" Heero whispered "Pretty please?!"

He surrendered, there was no way he could fight this. Battling the old Heero in a mobile suit would've been a breeze in comparison to trying to resist him in this mode.

"Whatever!" He shouted, and flopped back onto his pillow.

A moment of silence passed, and Duo started to think he was going to fall asleep.

He was disillusioned. Big time.

 "Duo…" Came a soft murmur beside him "I can't sleep"

"Oh help me!" Duo thought, he rolled over to face Heero "_Now what?!"_

"Can you sing me to sleep?" 

"WHAT?!" Duo exclaimed "What did you say?!"

"Sing me to sleep" Heero requested again calmly as if it was a perfectly reasonable favor to ask.

"You do not want to hear me sing" Duo laughed "Trust me!"

"Why…?"

"The last time I sang…this was before your memory loss…you did not give me a very positive opinion on my vocals"

"Really?" Heero asked in interest "What did I say?"

"Basically that my singing voice was a cross between fingernails on a blackboard and a goose honking" 

Heero laughed "Seriously?! I said that?!"

"One hundred percent serious…"

"Man…I wish I…" Heero's voice traced off.

"Well…like Wufei was saying to me…we have to be strong, you'll come to grips with everything soon enough…"

"Wufei…" Heero murmured, then, suddenly serious, he asked "You two…nothing _really happened right? I mean this morning"_

"Oh that?!" Duo laughed "Of course not! You guys were totally being stupid!"

"Really?"

"Yeah! For sure! Nothing like that would ever happen to me and him…if you haven't' picked it up by now he totally thinks I'm an airhead!"

"What do you think of him then?"

"Me?" Duo thought for a moment "He's a good friend…although he does tend to yell at me a lot, but when it comes to serious discussions no one can talk me into things the way he can, I guess it's his whole air of arrogance…and his strength…I admire him"

"Oh…"

"But nothing like that Heero…trust me!"

"Honestly?"

"Cross my heart!"

A sigh floated over from the figure next to him, perhaps it was just his imagination but to Duo it sounded almost like a sigh of relief.

"Goodnight Duo" Came the soft voice beside him, and to his surprise he felt Heero's arm reach over and close around his neck. He listened for a while longer but it was evident from the soft breathing that Heero had already fallen asleep.

Duo smiled, and closed his eyes. The feeling of that arm around him actually felt quite good…soothing…relaxing…comforting…

Maybe having this as a permanent arrangement wouldn't be so bad after all.


	6. Developments: Part two

**CHAPTER FIVE**

"Okay guys! I've got today's plans all figured out!"

"Huh?"

"The plans…of what we'll do today!"

"What?"

"We're going out! All of us! Remember?!"

"Oh…"

A few weeks had passed, and things for the Gundam pilots have been strangely calm and quiet, Heero and Duo had long since gotten tired of waiting around for a mission to come in, and had earlier suggested an outing, just to keep themselves sane.

No changes occurred in the way of Heero's amnesia, and all of the others, including Duo have stopped actively trying to help him in that respect. Quatre had decided it was more important to get him comfortable in these "unfamiliar" surroundings. Heero's intrusion into Duo's room at night had indeed become a routine practice, and the others all knew it, but they never discussed it openly, partly because Trowa and Quatre still mildly suspected the existence of some form of chemistry between Duo and Wufei, and partly because they didn't want Duo and Heero to launch retaliatory attacks.

Throughout this time, not a single mission had come in. For some reason, OZ had been awfully quiet, none of the pilots saw this as a good sign, they knew a temporary period of calm could only mean a more violent storm later.

But in the meantime, Heero was starting to get restless, after getting used to his "new" home, he had started to grow tired of staying inside all day, and had started complaining about it to Duo on a nightly basis.

And Duo discovered just how much persistence Heero really had.

Hence the reason Duo has barged into the living room this one bright sunshining morning announcing his "plans" to the rest of the group.

"Okay guys, I thought we'd take a little drive out to the country today…"

"The _country?!" Wufei raised his eyebrows "Why?"_

"Fresh air, sunshine…the works!" Duo grinned "It's good for your health!" Then he continued "I thought we could go to the cliffs, it's a bit windy there but it's great for tension release! I mean you could yell all you want there and no one will care"

"Tension?" Wufei seemed amused "Where did this _tension suddenly come from?"_

"Do you have any idea how annoying Heero can get when he's bored?" Duo asked, wide eyed "Man, I swear! That guy can go on talking non-stop forever! It drives me insane!"

It was all Wufei could do to keep from cracking up "Justice is finally served! How's _that for 'Treat others the way you want to be treated'?!" _

"Shuddup" Duo pouted "_Anyway, so we're going to the cliffs, alrighty?!" He looked around._

Wufei shrugged, Trowa nodded, Quatre just sat there looking thoughtful.

"Quatre…?" Duo looked at him "What's wrong?"

Before he had a chance to respond, Heero made his entrance.

"Watcha guys talkin' about?" He wanted to know.

"I'm telling them the plans for today" Duo turned to face him "We're going on an outing"

Heero's face lit up at that "Really!?" He squealed "Yay!! Where to?!"

"The cliffs" 

"Cliffs…?"

"Yeah, it's a great place, you'll love it!"

Heero eyed him suspiciously "You're not planning to throw me off are you?" He still hasn't gotten over Duo's suggestion of chucking him down a skyscraper.

"No! Sheesh! It's just for fun!" Duo exclaimed "Besides, you have everyone else to protect you in case the thought ever enters my head!"

"Erk…" Heero made a face.

"Umm…guys?" Quatre spoke up hesitantly "I think I'll stay here"

"What? Why?!" Heero asked.

"Because" Quatre explained "There has to be someone on standby here, what if something happens while we're all out? What if a mission comes in? Even though it's been really quiet the last few weeks we can't let our guards down, if anything we need to raise them"

"Yeah, but they can still reach us even if we're out" Duo argued.

"I know, but not as quickly or as efficiently…just in case they needed someone really desperately, it's easier to contact us here…"

Trowa gazed at him "You want me to stay with you? If it's really an emergency you probably won't be able to handle it on your own"

"Nonono…it's okay, you guys go ahead!" Quatre insisted "It's just a hypothetical thing anyway, I don't think anything really _will happen __today, but I'll feel better staying here…just in case, you know?"_

Trowa was doubtful "I don't want you to try anything foolish though…"

"Hey, I can still reach you guys if I need you, so don't worry, I'm not really alone! Besides…" He smiled at Trowa "I am a qualified Gundam pilot, don't underestimate me here! I promise it'll all be fine! I'll contact you guys first thing if anything happens!"

Trowa still looked reluctant, but didn't say anything further.

"So go ahead guys" Quatre turned back to the rest of them "Have a good time, you deserve it!"

"Just one little problem" Duo looked up at the rest of them "Well, it's not really a problem for me but in a way it is for the rest of you…"

"What…?" Heero asked suspiciously.

"Well…our usual designated driver…" He nodded at Heero "Is…umm…out of commission…so…hehe…" He laughed deviously "I decided to take over!"

"Don't even think about it Maxwell!" Wufei yelled "No way are you doing to take us all on your suicide routes! _Absolutely out of the question!!!!"_

                  *                                  *                                  *

"How did I get talked into this?!" Wufei moaned, covering his face with his hands "Why was I so weak as to let you guys convince me of this!"

He was situated right behind the drivers' seat, where Duo was proudly clutching the wheel "This is gonna be hell…"

Beside him, Trowa smiled "I guess Heero has more convincing power than you thought"

The seat beside Duo was empty; no one was brave enough to take it. It was currently occupied by their supply of food, which (courtesy of Duo) was quite a big pile.

"I can't believe this…" Wufei shook his head "Argh!!"

"Why are you so worked up over this anyway?" Duo asked "It's not like you're afraid of death or anything! You're a soldier!" 

"On the battlefield, I know that if I die, it would have served a cause, if I die while fighting for justice, it'll be with honor, but here, I don't consider dying in the hands of such a _baka under __these circumstances by __any means honorable!"_

In response, Duo decided to crank up the speed.

During all this time, Heero had remained utterly silent.

"Heero? You okay there?" Duo asked after he noticed the boy's quietness, thinking "This is like how the _old Heero __used to act"_

"Huh? What…I…umm…" Heero seemed tongue tied "I…err…I'm fine…yeah… fine…"

Duo frowned, and took a glance in the rearview mirror, to his surprise he found Heero's face a bright red, and he was trying as hard as he could not to make physical contact with Trowa, which meant he was practically digging into the right hand side door.

"Hmm…" He thought "What's with Heero? Every time he's around Trowa he starts acting like a big girl! The whole blush and stammer thing…" Suddenly he swirled the vehicle "ARK!! Nearly forgot! Right turn here!"

"Far out Duo!!" Wufei cursed, completely pressed against the side window "Can't you be a _little more subtle?!" _

"SORRY!!!"

Somehow Trowa managed to shift his weight in time to balance out the force of the turn, and he stayed in his perfect equilibrium position without much trouble.

Heero, however, was completely caught off guard, and was flung to his left before he had a chance to grab anything to steady himself, and before he knew it he found himself half lying across Trowa's lap.

For a moment, Heero could only stare up at Trowa, completely unable to move, again he was helplessly locked in the gaze of those beautiful eyes peering through the dark brown locks. His heart pumped wildly and he felt beads of moisture break out on his forehead. 

"You okay?" Trowa asked softly, and Heero finally broke out of his trance.

"Oh…yeah…I'm fine…" He stuttered as Trowa helped him back up "Sor…sorry…"

"You look really flushed" Trowa reached up and felt his forehead "You sure you don't have a fever or something?"

At his touch, Heero just burned up all the more. He quickly drew away from him and turned to look out the window "No…no…I'm alright, it's just…is it hot in here?"  

Duo threw him a look via the rearview mirror. This was getting _too weird, even for him. _

                              *                                  *                                  *

They finally managed to arrive at their destination, although not without further dramas. At one point Wufei threatened to chop off Duo's braid if he didn't reduce his speed. Duo had obeyed, but then he wrapped his braid around his neck, out of Wufei's reach before pumping on the accelerator again.

It was quite windy that day, but that only added to the beauty of the Cliffside. The long grass gave off a gentle rustling sound and the air smelled sweeter than ever.

"Whoaaaaaaaa…." Heero breathed as he cast his gaze over the wide open plains "You were right Duo! This place really is…just amazing!"

"Yeah…you can yell and scream to your hearts' content!" 

Before long, the four of them felt perfectly settled. Wufei found a spot under a large pine tree and sat there, doing what looked to Heero like meditation, Duo was quickly getting himself acquainted with their picnic basket "Meet, greet and eat! I always say!" Trowa had taken a seat right at the edge of the cliff, with his legs dangling off the side. Perhaps it was concern for his safety, or perhaps it was just out of desire, but that's where Heero soon found himself heading.

He sat down cautiously next to the taller boy, shaking. He couldn't tell whether it was from the cold wind, from the fear of such heights, or just because it was _him he was sitting down next to._

Trowa looked over at him and smiled, making Heero loose control of his own pulse again. "Hey…" He greeted in that soft, gentle way, so characteristically _him._

Heero smiled, but didn't quite know what to say, at length he finally asked "Trowa…you've had amnesia before right?"

Trowa felt a bit stunted at the question, but he nodded.

"So umm…how did end up working out for you? What was it that helped you recover?"

Trowa's eyes took on a distant, dreamy look, gazing out towards the horizon he whispered "Quatre…"

"Quatre?" A sense of envy filled his heart "How…?"

"Well…sort of, he found me and…well it was a strange feeling that I got…like I felt a sense of bonding, but I couldn't quite tell where it came from…"

"So, then you remembered…"

"Not right away...he brought me away back to the battlefields, and, it think it was the war…what I saw then, and all that stuff that ultimately triggered my memory"

"The war…" Heero echoed, "Do you think…if I go to…or return…to the battlefield it'll bring back anything?" The idea was so uncanny, but he felt he should suggest it.

"Perhaps…" Trowa shrugged "But I can't say for sure, and nothing has happened for quite a while now…and I can't guarantee you'll come out alive if we put you into the midst of war in the state you're in, I wouldn't risk it if I could help it, at least until you're familiar with your Gundam again"

"Oh…"

"And the others, especially Quatre, they wouldn't want to put you in such danger either, we can't lose anyone, we're already so alone, all we have is each other"

"But you all seem so…well, hostile…"

Trowa shook his head "You just don't know us yet…before this happened you were the one who was the most hostile out of any of us, worse than Wufei in fact, but we all understood. When you're in the middle of a war it's easy to bond with fellow soldiers, and we have a mutual understanding, even if it's silent"

"Oh…" 

"So don't be fooled by their masks, they do care. Beneath Duo's loudness and mischief, under Wufei's anger and aggression…and behind my own shield of silence…we truly do care…" Trowa paused a moment before adding "It's the closest thing to a family that we've got."

"Oh…" Heero uttered again, he felt thoroughly touched by such an open confession "But how did you feel while you didn't have any memories?"

"Empty I guess…lost, kinda afraid…" Trowa tried to call to mind the emotions he went through during his period of amnesia "Whenever I felt like I could almost recall something I'd get a violent attack of the chills…but Catherine was always there to help me through those…"

"Catherine?"

"Catherine Bloom, the girl in the circus, my older sister…"

"Sister?" Heero was surprised "How come? Her name is Bloom and yours…"

"Trowa Barton is not my real name"

"Huh?"

"Just like Heero Yuy is not your real name, it doesn't really matter what our names are, the world doesn't really care about our identity, only that of the Gundams"

"But why Barton?" 

"I had to call myself something, I couldn't stay as 'nanashi' forever…" Trowa didn't feel like going into the details right there and then, so he changed the subject "How did you first feel when you found you've lost your memory?"

This was something Heero had never thought about, in his quest to regain his memory he never concentrated on what his initial reaction to his condition was.

"I…I'm not sure…" He said slowly "I mean, at first, all I could see was white light, and I had no idea what it was, but I don't think I had much time to think about it either" It was coming back to him "I kinda slowly got the feeling back into my body, and I tried to sit up…I think that's when all my senses came back to me, I hurt like hell!"

A wave of nostalgia swept over Trowa, "Death hurts like hell" Heero had cautioned him when he woke up after recovering from his self-detonation experience. All that had happened so long ago, and so much as changed since then…

"Well somehow I found my voice and I must've cried out in pain, but then there was like, this loud crash right next to me, and I was too shocked to respond to anything then. This guy…well, it was Duo but I didn't know at the time…he started blabbering on non-stop to me…I think I remained in shock for quite a while"

Trowa laughed "Right…so, did you know right then you had amnesia?"

"Truthfully, I didn't even think of it then, I was more curious in knowing who the weird guy with me was" Heero smiled and turned to see where Duo was, he spotted him up in the tree above where Wufei sat, trying to see how many pine needles he could drop on his head without getting caught "He went all crazy when I asked who he was and he started bombarding me with questions like, do I know who I am, or where I was, if I remember what happened…it was only then I realized I didn't know any of that…but somehow it didn't alarm me, I didn't _really feel something was wrong…apart from the fact I __hurt like __anything…but he was in such a panic I figured something serious __must've happened"_

Trowa nodded understandingly.

"Then we went and talked to a whole bunch of people who did all this analysis on me but none of them could really do anything, and basically their only conclusion was 'Wait till he's strong enough to travel home, perhaps the familiar surroundings would help' But…I guess they were wrong…" He trailed off, then murmured wistfully "I wish something could evoke my memories, I wish I knew..."

Trowa nodded again, and patted him on the shoulder "Don't fret about it Heero, you have a lot of strength, trust me, and trust yourself…you're going to be alright"

Heero looked up at him, smiled, and nodded with confidence. Yes…if Trowa said it was going to be alright, then it definitely will be. 

A distance away behind them, Duo had slid down from his perch and settled down next to Wufei.

"Amazing…how come Trowa has so much to say to Heero but never to me?"

Wufei opened his eyes and smirked "When talking to you we can never get a word in edgewise, the way you converse"

"Hey! That's not true!" Duo protested "Besides, these days Heero isn't any better"

"Perhaps he's more disciplined around the Silencer"

Duo frowned "I swear he acts so weird around Trowa, like he gets all red and clumsy…he can hardly put a sentence together"

"Weakling" Wufei shut his eyes again.

"You think there's something between them?" Duo asked.

"Does that worry you?" Wufei asked pointedly, without opening his eyes.

"Yeah! What about Quatre?!"

"Personally I don't think it's Quatre you're worried about" Wufei smiled evilly "You know as well as I do Trowa would never hurt him, I think it's the other side of the coin you're concerned about"

"What do you mean?!" Duo demanded "Other side of what coin?"

But Wufei just went on smiling that wicked grin, he opened his eyes and started to get up "You know what I'm talking about Duo, I know how you feel towards…HEY! WHAT THE…" He cut off short as the pile of pine needles cascaded down his shoulders, covering his body in little green spikes "MAXWELL!!!"

Duo bolted, thankful that Wufei was taking time to get feeling back into his legs after sitting still for so long.

"Make mental note to self" He thought when he was a reasonably safe distance away "Be sure to keep braid out of Wufei's reach for the next few months"

He wasn't going to risk it.


	7. Developments: Part three

**CHAPTER ****SIX**

More time passed, and still Heero showed no sign of improvement, however he _has managed to settle comfortably into his 'new home'. There had been a few minor missions, but nothing really worth worrying over, usually only one of the pilots was required. Heero had offered to go on some of them, but was bluntly turned down each time._

"You're not going out there unless it's _absolutely necessary" Duo had told him the first time he suggested going with him on a mission "I'd rather not persevere with this if it means putting your life at jeopardy, not in such avoidable circumstances"_

Of course it doesn't go without saying that a little bit of chaos _did hit the household every now and then, but those moments of insanity never had much to do with the war, it was usually just Heero and Duo inflicting what they call "unintentional pain" upon each other, like when Duo decided to add pepper "for flavor" to Heero's tea, or when Heero dyed the end of Duo's braid bright red and green, causing it to looked as if he had some sort of Christmas ornament dangling from it, or when Duo got Heero drunk enough to convince him to put on one of Catherine's circus performing outfits (at the sight of which Trowa nearly had a heart attack)…etc etc etc…_

Despite all this, or perhaps because of it, the two of them have grown awfully close, spending majority of their days, not to mention nights, together. Duo had become so used to having Heero there next to him that once, when he slept alone, while on a mission, it felt almost weird.

One morning, Heero awoke and found himself in bed alone.

"Hmm…that's funny…" He thought "He's usually the one who sleeps in latest…wonder what happened…"

He made his way into the kitchen and saw Duo sitting at the breakfast table alone.

"Hey!" Heero greeted his friend happily "You're up so early!"

"Mmmhmm…" Duo mumbled in response, but didn't make any further comments.

"When did you come to bed last night anyway? I think I was asleep way before you did!" Heero opened the fridge and stared at the contents, trying to find something edible "What were you doing up so late anyway?"

"I was…looking at the moon" 

Heero's eyebrows shot up "The moon? I didn't think you were into that kind of thing!" It was true, it had never occurred to him that someone with a nature as loud and crazy as Duo would find any pleasure in something as domestic as moon-gazing.

"Yeah, well…" Duo trailed off, he didn't seem keen on getting into a conversation.

 Heero continued to stand in front of the opened fridge, something Quatre couldn't stand, it was one of the few things the gentle blond had no tolerance for "We should not be wasting energy! We shouldn't take such natural resources for granted, we're on the Earth now, and it has limited resources, we should all do our part to…"

Heero didn't bother finish recalling Quatre's little speeches, it's not like he really paid much attention anyway.

"Hey Duo, have you had anything for breakfast yet? There's like, nothing here!" Heero pursed his lips in annoyance "Ugh! I'm hungry! Duo…you want anything? I can go and get…" He stopped short when he noticed that the overly-talkative solider was been overly-silent.

"Duo?"

"What?" Came the soft response.

Heero turned to face him "Aren't you hungry?"

"Not really…"

"Have you eaten anything?"

"Err…no…"

"Then what…hey are you alright?" Heero suddenly realized Duo's face was in a strange shade of color "You don't look so good…"

"Hey…what's that meant to mean?" Duo tried to do a mock-angry tone, but failed miserably "I'm…fine…just…tired…"

"Damn right you should be! When did you get to bed anyway?"

"I…don't know" Duo laid his head down on the table "I wasn't sure…"

"Okay that's it" Heero marched over to the table "You're going back to bed!"

"No! I'm…fine! Really!" Duo tried to protest.

"As if! Come on!" Heero reached over and took one of Duo's arms, and immediately drew back in shock "Duo! You're so hot!"

"Thanks I'll take it as a complement" He murmured.

Heero ignored him and reached over to feel his cheeks "Omigod Duo! You're totally burning up! What did you do?! What were you wearing last night anyway?!"

"Just…this…" He tugged at the shirt he had on "I wasn't…_that cold…"_

"For Heaven's sake!" Heero shook his shoulders in frustration "What were you thinking?! It was freezing out there!"

"It wasn't…that bad…" Duo's voice was getting softer and softer "I only felt a bit chilly when I woke up…"

"You fell asleep out there!?" Heero's eyes were growing rounder by the minute "No wonder I didn't hear you come in! Far out Duo! You slept out there? Don't you have any sense?!"

Duo sighed, but midway through a violent cough took over.

"That's it!" Heero grabbed the other boy's shoulders and forced him up, easily overcoming the weak resistance Duo gave "You're going back to bed, NOW!" He wrapped one of Duo's arms around his own neck and helped him back to the bedroom.

"Oof…" Duo fell into the bed with a crash "You could be a little more gentle.

"Sorry…" Heero apologized, at the same time pulling the covers over him "Now you stay here and rest until that fever breaks" He ordered "I'll…go see what the others are doing…"

"Heero…I'm really okay…" Duo still persisted, and tried to get up, only to fall right back after finding the world completely spinning in front of his eyes.

"Okay my foot!" Heero shook his head "Just stay right there and try to rest!"

He walked out into the living room, no one was there.

He tried the balcony, and found Trowa standing there alone.

"Hey…where are the others?" Heero asked.

"Shopping…grocery shopping…"

"Groceries?" 

"Yeah, we're out of everything practically…"

"I noticed" Heero thought of his little staring session with the fridge earlier "I can't imagine Wufei doing something so…well, what he may consider feminine!"

Trowa shrugged "We have to take turns, much as he hates it, it's only fair"

"Oh right…" Heero remembered the reason he had been looking for other people in the first place "Umm…I think Duo's sick…"

"He is?" Trowa was surprised; it wasn't like Duo to get ill "With what?"

"I don't know, he's got a fever and he slept out here all night last night, so I'm guessing he's caught a cold or something…"

"_Baka...Wufei was right, he's got no common sense!" Trowa sighed and shook his head "So how is he now?"_

"Just in bed…I wasn't sure what to do…"

Trowa thought for a moment, then walked inside "Well I guess first we need to take his temperature…" He opened a cupboard and rummaged through it "I hope I still know how to use this thing…" He looked at the small instrument that he had withdrawn from it "Shouldn't be too hard…"

They made their way back to Duo's bedroom and pushed open the door.

"I think he's asleep…" Heero whispered.

"Hmm…" Trowa looked at the boy on the bed "That makes it kinda tough, from what I know you're meant to put it under the tongue…"

"Oh…"

"_But…" Trowa went on "When I was in the circus and one of the lions got sick, the animal doctor stuck the thermometer up its'…"_

"DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT!!"

Trowa and Heero both jumped a mile at the sudden outburst, neither of them knew where Duo suddenly got the strength to yell with such force.

"Don't…even…think…about…it…" Duo panted weakly "I'm…awake…"

Heero couldn't help but break into giggles at the thought of what Trowa was about to suggest, and watched in interest as Duo opened his mouth wide to let the thermometer into it.

"Thanks for the sympathy" Duo pouted "Humph!"

After a few minutes, Trowa withdrew it and read "Whoa…a hundred and four degrees Fahrenheit!"

"Is that bad?" Heero inquired.

"Really _really bad…" Trowa nodded "Umm…keep him warm and I'll go get a compress" He left the room._

"Maybe we should send for a doctor…" Heero suggested.

"Oh come on! It's not that bad!" Duo comforted him "I just need some sleep and then it'll all be fine…Besides, I hate doctors, they're useless and act as if they know everything, but in the end, like as if they can really do anything!!"

Trowa returned with a towel and a basin of water "Okay, this is a really old-fashioned method but I can't think of anything better at this point…"

Heero took the towel, rinsed it, wrung it, and placed it gently onto Duo's forehead.

"Is that better?" 

"Uh…yeah…" Duo wasn't used to this kind of tenderness from the perfect soldier "It feels good…thanks…"

"I think the most important thing now is for you to sleep" Trowa instructed "I don't think it's anything too serious, just a severe cold…"

"Sleep sounds good" Duo sighed and closed his eyes "Sleep is goooooooood…"

"I'll stay here" Heero offered "Why don't you just go on with whatever…"

"Well…alright" Trowa backed towards the door "I'll be home all day, call me if you need anything okay?" 

"Sure!"

                              *                                  *                                  *

For the rest of the day, Heero sat by his friend, changing, rinsing and replacing the compress numerous times. Duo was fading in and out of consciousness a lot, but he was aware of Heero's efforts, and his heart warmed at his display of concern, a feeling of bliss came over him despite what he was going trough.

Around mid-afternoon, Heero took the towel from his forehead one last time and placed his hand over it.

"Hey!" He exclaimed "It's broke! The temperatures' gone down! Duo! How do you feel?"

"Mmmmm…" Duo stretched and yawned "Better, definitely…" He sat up slowly "Man…things have finally stopped spinning!" 

"Whew!" Heero laughed "You got me SOOOOO worried there! Do you know how feverish you were at around noon? Trowa and I nearly had to call the doctor! But then Quatre and Wufei came back, and Wufei fed you some sort of weird herbal drink thingy …I don't think you were actually aware this was happening at the time…then you just went back to sleep…but now the fever's finally gone!"

"Slow down Heero…you'll make me dizzy again…what did I do?"

"Well, it got kinda scary…you were actually delirious for a while, that was when I got really panicky…"

"Delirious?" Duo couldn't remember any of it "What?"

"Well…I'm not sure, but you started rambling on about cows marrying rabbits and how the moon was made of green cheese and asking why anyone would think of naming their dog Cheewowow…"

"Okay, okay, okay!"  Duo was starting to feel embarrassed and made a mental note to himself to quit reading weird kid's books "So…what did you do?"

"I was going to call the doctor, but the others got back, and…yeah…" Heero's eyes were glowing "I'm just so happy you're okay!" 

Suddenly he leaned over and hugged Duo "Don't ever scare me like that again!"

Duo just sat there in shock "Uh…okay…" He found himself stuttering and blushing the way Heero does around Trowa "I…I…umm…"

"Whatever!" Heero stood up "I'll just go and tell the others you're fine now!" He picked up the towel and basin and headed towards the door.

 Duo's gaze followed him, his thoughts still mesmerized by all the affection just shown to him. He suddenly understood why Heero would get all strange around Trowa…there was just something…

What was it? Duo questioned himself, what was it that made him feel so strange? Sure he was touched by the fact Heero had been worried about him, and had taken care of him the whole day, but was there something beyond that? For the longest time now he had felt a deep unsettling feeling whenever Heero showed his attraction towards Trowa, now it seemed to surface…it was jealously, wasn't it? Why would he be jealous though…was he afraid of the fact that perhaps Heero can't be…

Can't be his…

But…can't be his what? He knew he'd always have Heero as a friend, but did it go beyond that somehow? 

Yes…he decided…there had to be something, friendship does not arouse such sensations in one's chest as those that were going through his right then, friendship did not involve envy or the need for exclusiveness…

There was something beyond that…

But…

"It's only a one way thing…" Duo thought sadly "Heero may worry about me and be one of my best friends…but, it's not like this…his heart…belongs somewhere else…"

At that notion, his own heart started to ache.

A lot…

                              *                                  *                                  *

One night many days later…

Heero was woken from his sleep by a soft, sweet melody that flowed into the room, he couldn't recognize the tune, which was to be expected since he wouldn't have been able to remember anything songs he used to know anyway , but somehow the melody seemed eerily close and familiar somehow, and he couldn't help rising and going to the window for a closer listen.

"Heero? What's the matter?" Duo too, awoke "What are you doing?"

"That music…" Heero whispered "It's so…beautiful…"

"Oh that…that's Trowa's flute"

"Trowa…?"

"Yeah, he's got heaps of hidden talents, you should hear his duets with Quatre, now those are really something!"

"Quatre…?"

"Yup! Trowa would be using his flute and Quatre on the piano or violin or one of the other hundred instruments he plays. Sometimes they'd perform for us, but it rarely happens…"

"Oh…?"

"Yeah, Trowa's not that keen on showing off his flute skills"

"Trowa…" Heero repeated, and added wistfully "I wish…I could see him perform…"

_Trowa again, always Trowa!  A twinge went through Duo's heart._

"Come back to bed Heero…you don't want to get a fever too do you? Trust me, it's not fun" 

"Umm…I'll be fine…just give me a moment" Heero replied absently, his eyes searching beyond the window in hopes of catching a glimpse of the musician "You go back to sleep"

Duo wanted to argue further, but he was so sleepy that before he could say anything, he had dropped off.

                  *                                  *                                  *

Something in the music that night must've triggered something in Heero's heart, and he became solemn and quiet, although he wasn't like the way he once was, he had lost the Duo-like attitude towards things. He wanted more time to be on his own, and spent hours staring off into space. He stopped pulling pranks and making jokes with Duo, in fact he seemed to have very little to say to him altogether.

Duo didn't know how to amend this, and he couldn't understand how the change came about. Heero had been so passionate to him when he was sick, but now…he didn't know what had altered, or whether he had done or said something wrong, but he did know he was losing communication with the one he considered most close to his heart, and he wanted desperately to avoid that.

"I'll talk to him tonight" He finally gathered the nerve to decide one day "I don't have to tell him my feelings, but I just want him to know I don't want to lose contact…yes…tonight when we're alone…"

But that plan never went into action, for that night, Heero left the group earlier than usual, everyone assumed he was going to bed, so Duo followed, intending to have their talk.

But, to his surprise, instead of turning to the right to Duo's bedroom as he had done for so long, he turned left and entered his own room, just before he shut the door he noticed Duo looking at him.

"Hey…" He said softly.

"Heero…" was all Duo could manage; it had seemed like forever since the last time they had spoken.

"What is it?"

"I…umm…are you okay?"

"Sure…"

"You seem awfully…quiet…"

"Sorry, I'm just tired"

"No, I mean, for the last week or so, you haven't talked to me much…" Duo stammered.

"Really? I'm sorry"

_Sorry? What kind of a response was __that?! Duo was getting frustrated._

"Heero…what's happening? You've been so…distant lately, I mean when I got sick you were all worried and stuff, but now you're so…I don't know, you won't talk to me!"

"Duo…" Heero looked apologetic, but all he said was "I really want to sleep…"

"Why are you…" Duo placed his hand on Heero's door to prevent him from closing it "Why are you going in here?"

"It's my room…" Heero replied simply.

"But…"

"Duo…look, I know I've been acting weird, but I can't help it okay? I mean, I…I should've felt this a long time ago, but I guess I was trying to ignore it. Now I know I _can't ignore it…" _

Duo looked puzzled "What are you trying to say? Ignore what?"

Heero sighed, and went on:

"I don't like not knowing who I am or what you guys were like…that night, listening to Trowa's music…I suddenly realized how much I really didn't know! How much I would have to learn all over again! I mean, you guys all talk of things as a matter of fact but I have no clue! I don't like that! I hate getting the feeling that I once knew you guys…especially Trowa…I once knew you all so well and thorough! I mean I just…don't understand things now, I feel lost Duo, and you've been so kind as to help me…but I need to sort things out for myself now, I know you guys can't help me, so I have to try harder my self, or else if I let this go on…I'll just get more and more confused about…everything" He took a deep breath "Can you understand that?"

Duo was taken aback at Heero's speech, and felt at a lost for words "I…do…"

"Thank you…I'm grateful" Heero uttered, and before Duo could say anything further, the door was shut.

_Oh Heero… Duo covered his face with his hands…__I'm so sorry…I should've given more thought to how you may feel…I…I didn't mean to be insensitive…_

Perhaps that was why Heero was so drawn to the Silencer, _Trowa was sensitive, and he showed his sympathy. He had walked the road Heero was on and he knew what it was like…___

_I wish I could've done that for you too Heero…I wish I was the one you could've looked to for comfort and compassion…I wish…_

He wearily made his way into his own room and flopped down on the bed, which seemed too large all of a sudden.

_You were the once invader here… Duo thought ironically…__But now that you're gone…I suddenly feel so…_

_So very much alone…___


	8. Restless nights: Part one

**CHAPTER SEVEN**

Another perfect starry night…

To the self-proclaimed Shinigami, the beauty of that night sky was so picturesque, it seemed almost mocking. How could something be so perfectly calm and tranquil, when there was a war going on? A war that went beyond the Earth? A war that no one could see the end of?

He stood on the balcony alone, leaning slightly over the railings, gazing at the almost-full moon. 

"Can you tell me?" He asked it out loud "Can you tell me why such irony exists?"

Irony. That was a word Duo's life seemed to revolve around on. In fact, the whole world seemed to be full of irony.

"We have war in order to achieve peace, we sacrifice people so other people can live, those who choose to die with honor…true honor…are usually those most easily forgotten…Dreams should only be for those who have the right to dream, yet they are always the poor innocent souls who have no way of making those ideals come true. Those who can achieve their goals are only the ones willing to inflict ruthless treachery… The kind-hearted will cry, but no one cries for them. The ones who build machines and send them out to battle are hailed as heroes, when they're really just cowards hiding behind the shield of metal and ammunitions…The real heroes will go unnoticed, because they are alone, they are unrecognized…why is it…why is it that the weak and the wrong end up as the winners in the end…?"

"Those are some pretty deep questions Duo" Came a voice behind him "I didn't think you, of all people, would be so troubled by such things…"

Duo spun around, only then did he realize he have voiced his thoughts aloud. He found Wufei standing at the entrance to the balcony from the living room, holding two cups. He held one out to Duo.

"Here" He motioned for him to take it "I don't want you to get sick again, you don't know how hysterical Heero can get"

"Heero…" Duo murmured as he took the warm cup with both his hands "Now there's another piece of irony for me…before I couldn't sleep 'cos he was in my room, but now I can't sleep because he's _not there…"_

"What was that?" Wufei took a step closer.

"Nothing!" Duo quickly hid his pained heart behind a wide, unnatural smile "Why are you up this time of night?"

Wufei shrugged "Just…couldn't sleep…"

"_You?" Duo exclaimed "I never imagined you'd be bothered by sleeping troubles, I mean you have all those meditation techniques I'd think that if any of us would couldn't find inner calm it would not be you!"_

Wufei sighed and sat down on one of the plastic chairs placed in a corner of the balcony "Just shows how much you really don't know…"

Duo grunted "Well, excuse _me for that, but like it's really all __my fault?"_

Wufei didn't know what to say, it was true, he hadn't always been completely open with the others, but then again, he really had no need to, what was the point of opening up anyway? He preferred to stay discrete.

A breeze blew through, it was fairly mild and gentle, but it still managed to send a shiver down Duo's back. He pulled his shirt closer around him and brought the cup to his lips for a sip.

"Wow…this is SO nice!" He said in amazement "What is it?"

Wufei shook his head "If I ever wanted to poison you it'll be only too easy, don't you even try to identify what it is you're consuming before you actually consume it?"

"Uh…nope!" Duo smiled sheepishly "Well, I know you wouldn't do that do me anyway…Trowa might" He added and giggled, remembering the mysterious supply of "drugs" he seemed to own "But I'm sure you wouldn't"

"Humph…" Wufei snorted "_Fool..." He placed his own cup down on the floor "Well, lucky for you your assumptions are right, this time anyway. Anyway, this belongs to Quatre, so there's no problem…"_

At Quatre's name, Duo frowned. He had thought about the little blond many times over the last few weeks, in which Heero had seemed to spend most of his time with Trowa, going out on errands with him, having meals with him, doing chores with him, or just generally being around him. It seemed the only time he wasn't with him was at night, in bed.

Duo couldn't be sure of how either Trowa or Quatre felt about Heero's behavior. They could definitely sense there was something weird going on between Heero and Duo, and they've noticed the change in Heero's personality, but neither has discussed it openly with Duo or Heero himself. Quatre seemed to assume Heero was looking to Trowa for the feeling of security, in the want of someone who can understand his dilemmas so thoroughly, and he encouraged their time together. And Trowa seed to be just as willing to help, in his own way. He never said very much to Heero, but was always there to listen to whatever he had to say and to comfort him, to advise him.

_And as for me…Duo thought…__I don't even know…when I see them together…it's not that I'm jealous of Trowa, not really, but it's more like I wish I was the one Heero was turning to, I was the one he could speak to…that I was the one he could feel closest to…_

He smiled bitterly…_What happened…where did I go wrong?_

"What are you thinking about?" 

Duo jumped at the sudden intrusion of Wufei's voice "Umm…nothing…"

"Right…as if!" Wufei stared straight at him "You stand there with all these weird looks passing over that over-expressive face of yours, and you expect me to believe that nothing was going through your mind?"

"I...umm…well…" Duo stammered.

Just then, as if by cue, Trowa's flute started its song.

Duo and Wufei stopped to listen to the melancholy tune, momentarily mesmerized by the haunting melody. Duo closed his eyes and listened intently, there was something magic about it, he had to profess…it was this sound that had drawn Heero away from him…

"I think…" Duo spoke up after a while "I think Heero has a crush on Trowa"

Even saying the words felt painful, voicing the thought was almost like an admission to himself that it was the truth and he could only learn to accept it.

He expected Wufei to give him a glare, and chide him for thinking just a pointless thought that probably only weak females would trouble themselves over.

But he didn't, the response that came was:

"I think you have a crush on Heero"

Duo nearly dropped his cup "Wha…what…what are you talking about!"

"You know exactly what I'm talking about" Wufei replied "You have a crush a Heero"

"What?!" In his rush to deny Wufei's claim Duo just made it even more obvious "I…don't! Why would you think anything like that anyway!? That's the funniest thing I've ever heard you say Wufei, and you weren't even trying! Gee…what would you think of next anyway? Hahahah! That's just so…hilarious!"

He laughed with exaggerated enthusiasm, but as he turned away from his companion the laughter turned to a choking fit, and it took a long while before he calmed down. He looked back up to the moon, feeling both embarrassed and distressed, part of him felt like crying at the pain of discovery, but he held it back. 

Wufei had watched him through all this without a word. At last, when Duo had finally calmed down, he rose from his seat and made his way over to stand beside him.

"You don't have to hide it you know" He said quietly "Not in front of me"

Duo glanced beside him, Wufei did not make eye contact with him, he was also staring out at the moon.

"I know how you feel towards him" Wufei went on "Back before he lost his memory, you always did everything in your power to get the shadow of a smile out of him, lame as your methods may have been they were obviously out of genuine care…"

Duo listened; he hadn't realized Wufei had been so observant. He didn't even realize himself how much trouble he had gone through just to get Heero to seem a _little happier…_

"Then when he did get hurt and go through amnesia, you lost sleep over it, you worried and you fretted. And there's the whole sleeping arrangement…" He smirked at the blush which came into Duo's cheeks "Well, anyway it was pretty damn obvious okay?"

Duo sighed "Well it seems like you know everything then" He marched over to the corner and plopped himself into the chair that Wufei had sat in only moments ago "But what difference does it make anyway?"

"Of course it makes a difference you stupid fool!"

"Huh?"

"Do you plan on hiding these feelings and avoiding him forever?"

"_Me? Avoid __him?!" Duo's eyes widened "What do you mean?!"_

"I mean, do you plan on not talking to Heero for the rest of your life…or however long it is we live here together?"

"Not talk to him?!" Duo couldn't help but wonder if Wufei had abruptly lost his mind "Hang on a sec here, the point is Heero wants Trowa, not me, _he's the one not talking to __me! What do you mean __I've avoiding __him?!"_

"Oh really?" Wufei challenged "Do you ever give his a chance to talk?"

"Chance?"

"Yeah!" Wufei nodded, then tilted his head "Let's see now, whenever you see them together you back out of the room, whenever you two are alone together you find an excuse to leave, when we're all in one room you do all you can to avoid eye contact with him by looking at everywhere else but in his direction…I bet you can tell me just how many stains there are on the ceiling…"

"Twenty four…" Duo said monotonously "I'll never figure out how we got so many stains up there…"

"Not _we, Duo…__you" Wufei reminded him "Anyway…basically you've cut off communication between the two of you, how do you expect him to talk to you when you so obviously do not want to talk to him!?"_

He had never thought of his conduct this way. All this time he thought he was trying to make Heero less uncomfortable by allowing him more time alone with Trowa…has he actually been unwittingly pushing him away?

"But…" Duo put in stubbornly "Heero has a crush on Trowa…"

"No he doesn't" Wufei stated "He may feel drawn to him, but it's only because Trowa is the only one who knows the effects of amnesia, but he understands the relationship between Trowa and Quatre, and he's not about to intervene on it…"

"So…what are you getting at?"

"I don't know how Heero thinks, before he got sick he just seemed to shut everyone off so no one could really read his thoughts, and after that mission he just became a total maniac, which is even harder for me to understand, but…I _do know a look of need when I see one…"_

"A look of need?" Duo frowned.

"He needs you Duo, and I can't see why you fail to notice that"

"He…what?" What did Wufei just say? Duo couldn't comprehend; did he just tell him that Heero needed him? It couldn't be true. 

"He can't possibly…he…he…" The memory was painful "That night he shut the door on me and pushed me away…"

"He was confused, that's all" 

"But…"

"Look, the guy doesn't know who he is or where he's from, I'm amazed he hadn't felt this way earlier"

"So was he…" Duo mumbled.

"He may have shut you out then…but anyone could see he needs your concern now more than ever…"

"How…can you tell?" Duo still wasn't convinced.

"Everything's a lot clearer when viewed as an observer, Many a times he seemed like he wanted to say something to you, but you'd always be either starting off…at the ceiling or wherever else…or acting really loud and stupid, making it impossible to talk to you sensibly"

"I've done that?" Duo shook his head in amazement "I never meant to…"

"No one intentionally hurts those they care for, but they can care too much and hurt them anyway…"

"So you think…I should talk to Heero sometime?"

Wufei glared at him "After all I've said you still have doubts about that?!"

"It's just that the last time I wanted to talk to him…that was when he shut the door on me…"

 "You have nothing to lose by trying again Duo, you can't be frightened of doing something again just because it hurt the first time. If you're going to avoid it, it's just running away, don't tell me you're so weak, because if you are, you have no right to call yourself Shinigami"

Duo looked up at Wufei and kept his eyes fixed on the dark haired boy's face for a long long time.

"What's with the staring?" Wufei was getting uncomfortable under the gaze of those cobalt eyes.

"Chang Wufei…" Duo grinned at him "I never thought you could be so…sensitive …"

Wufei looked away, embarrassed "What are you talking about? I just hate to see people act in such pretense that's all!"

"Right…" Duo stood up and patted his shoulder "But thanks anyway!"

"You can thank me by taking the tension out of the air; I swear I could slice the air with my sword"

"Whatever!" Duo hopped inside "I'll see you in the morning!"

"Or mid-afternoon at this rate" Wufei muttered, noticing the time. He shrugged to himself, and turned back to the moon.

_That was so weird…what I was saying…that was so unlike me, but this situation really has gone far enough, it was either tell him or suffocate…_

_What is happening to us? He wondered…__We've all become so…different from what we usually are…Heero's not the only one affected by his condition, we're all in this together…sheesh! I sound like Quatre!_

_I just wish those two would figure things out soon, I'm so sick of the way they're behaving! Hiding from their emotions…what weak attitudes! Come out of it!_

_Just come out of it!_

All this time, the melody of the flute continued…

                              *                                  *                                  *

For the first time since Heero had left, Duo has managed to sleep peacefully. He trusted that what Wufei had said was the truth…it had to be, Wufei would not lie to him, he would not tease him for the sake of it…

_Heero needs me…The more he thought of it, the more he believed it…__It really is my fault…I've been avoiding him…not the other way around…_

That afternoon, he found Heero sitting alone in his room, and he entered.

"Hey…" He greeted softly.

"Hey!" Heero looked up in surprise "What…are you doing in here?"

"Just came to talk to you, we haven't really talked for…how long?"

Heero's eyes lowered "I…I thought you didn't want to talk to me anymore…"

"Fool…what made you think that?!"

"Well…that night…I shut you out, and immediately I realized how wrong I was to do it…I mean, I was confused alright, but after closing the door I felt even more messed up…I realized….I realized…" He trailed off.

"What is it?" Duo questioned gently.

"I realized I had just pushed away the best friend I had…"

"Oh…" Duo was slightly disappointed. Best friend…it wasn't exactly what he had hoped for, but it was a start.

"And then…you just never tried to talk again and I…I just thought…you didn't want to be with me anymore…"

"You silly thing!" Duo reached out and ruffled his hair "I'll always be here for you!"

"Really?" Heero looked up, his eyes were shining.

"Of course! You can't get rid of me that easily!"

Heero smiled "I never want to…I never did…"

Duo knelt down next to his little lost friend and held both his hands in his own "I know you feel overwhelmed by the situation, but like I've always said we'll all be here to help you…you know that whenever you need someone to lean on, I'll be there…"

Heero laid his head on Duo's shoulder "Really? Even after I said…"

"Yes!" Duo nodded eagerly "You're the only one who can make yourself remember, but the rest of us will do our best to give our support! Trust yourself! Trust _me!"_

 "I can trust you…but I don't know about myself…" Heero's voice seemed to shake "I'm so unsure…so…insecure…"

Duo gazed lovingly at the other boy. Again Heero seemed like such an innocent little child, and he wished with all his heart he could do more to help him.

"It _will come to you!" Duo promised "I know it will! Everything will be fine!"_

"I trust you…" Heero said again, he gripped Duo's hands, and smiled up at him.

But the smile still held so much uncertainty, and the grip seemed so weak…Duo knew there was still a long road to travel before things would be really be "_fine" again._


	9. Restless nights: Part two

**CHAPTER EIGHT**

Running…

He didn't know where he was running to, he couldn't see what was up ahead or what he was running away from, all he knew was that he had to keep running, he couldn't give in to fatigue, he couldn't even stop to look behind him…

His heart was pumping wildly and sweat drenched his face, he couldn't think, he couldn't see…but he had to keep running…

Darkness was all around him, and seemed to be closing in…the air was growing denser, the road was becoming coarser, his feet were aching, his whole body was cramping, he could hardly breathe…but he had to keep running…

Then, out of nowhere came the fire, surrounding him, the flames rose high and seemed to engulf him, his path has been blocked, his whole body was illuminated in the golden-red glow, and the air became so unbearably hot…

But he didn't stop, he couldn't stop, he didn't have the strength of will to keep his legs from moving, in fact they seemed to go faster and faster, along the scorching earth, straight into the flames up ahead…the blaze tore at him, ripping through his skin and into his body, the pain was inexpressible…but he couldn't stop, he had to keep running…

With a silent scream, Heero sat up in bed.

It was that dream again…

This wasn't the first time he's had it, nor was it the second or third…it has haunted him numerous times since Duo had brought him back to this place. But when they first started, he always had Duo there next to him when he woke up, and that was all it took for him to calm down and fall back asleep again…

But this time, it was different. Duo wasn't there next to him, with that cheeky grin on his face as he slept. This time he was all alone in his room…and for the first time, he was frightened.

He quickly turned on a light, and checked the time.

Twelve midnight on the dot…it hadn't been that long since he went to bed. But that dream seemed to have gone on for an eternity. He looked down at his arms and ran his fingers over them. 

No, there was no pain, all that _was just a nightmare, but at the time it had seemed so real, he had felt as if it was killing him. _

There was no use to try and go back to sleep, it was just impossible to get his heart to return to a normal pulse at that point. He sighed and got out of bed. Softly, he opened the door and tiptoed outside.

Surprisingly, he wasn't the only one up; a small light in the kitchen was on, casting a soft glow through the hallway.

He made his way into the kitchen, and found Quatre standing at the stove. At the sound of his footsteps, the Desert Prince turned and smiled at his friend.

"Heero!" He called softly so as not to wake anyone "Why are you up?"

"I…" Heero didn't want to go into the details of his dream right then, for one thing it still scared him to recall it, and besides he didn't' want to worry Quatre.

"I just…thought I'd give Duo's little moon-watching activity a go" He offered as an explanation "It sounded…umm…curious…"

Quatre laughed "Well he's a pretty curious guy in general…" He turned back to the stove "Hey you want some hot chocolate? It'll keep you warm…" He offered a cup to Heero, who took it gratefully.

The two of them made their way into the living room, and sat down on the couch across from each other without bothering to turn on the lights. The moon was completely full that evening, and cast an eerie white glow over the room. For a while the two of them just sat in silence and sipped their drinks.

The gentle light of the moon comforted Heero's spirits a little, and he felt a lot calmer. At length he spoke up:

"Quatre…" He called the other boy's name softly "I…was wondering if you could tell me something…"

"Sure Heero" Quatre was surprised at the request "What is it?"

"How…how long have you known Trowa?"

At the mention of that name, Quatre's eyes took on a distant, blissful glint, and his lips curved up into a dreamy smile.

"It's been a long time…" He replied in a faraway voice "A very long time…he was the first of the other pilots that I met, we started off fighting against each other in a battle, but then I realized how wrong our actions really were!" He shook his head "We're all fighting for the peace of the colonies, and that of the earth, so why should we be at war with each other?"

"So you two resolved it?"

"I surrendered to him…and he came out of his Gundam…that was the first time I ever saw him…"

"What was he like then?" Heero inquired.

"Very much as he is now actually, only even more subtle and silent"

"Omigod…I didn't think that was even possible!"

"You might be surprised…"Quatre smiled "Well yeah, that's how we met and although we didn't stay together _all the time, we did end up…together…"_

"Oh…"Heero paused a moment before asking "Did I…know him well before…well, before this happened?"

Quatre thought for a moment "I can't be too sure…although…" He stared into his cup "You were the first one to have ever made him laugh…and he always seemed to have more to say to you than to the rest of us…perhaps it was because you were more quiet and shut off than he was…"

"That's what you guys all say…" Heero sighed "But I honestly can't imagine that, I mean, how could I have been? It's like trying to imagine Duo totally silent all the time and it's…just not possible!"

Quatre giggled "You think? Well then we've witnessed the impossible!"

Heero smiled faintly "If I really was like that…then I guess no one really knew me that well…"

"No…not really" Quatre had to admit "You didn't like telling people what you were thinking so we had no idea most of the time. On some days you'd spend more time in front of your laptop than actually with one of us…"

"Oh…"

"But…" Quatre added quickly "I guess if you wanted to know more the best person to talk to would be Duo, he's spent a lot more time studying you than anyone else!"

"Studying?!" Heero asked, slightly amused.

"Yup!"

"We were together a lot?"

"Actually, it was more like he followed you around a lot, you guys usually got sent on the same missions, and when you go out on errands he usually offers to go with you…he's tried probably every trick in the book to make you laugh, just a little…"

"Really?"

"Yeah!"

"Did it work?"

"Nah…must've been a really dumb book"

Heero picked up his cup and took another sip before continuing:

"Quatre…" He wasn't sure of the right words to his question "How…how did you know that…that you and Trowa were…umm…were _meant to be together?"_

Again Quatre's eyes took on that dreamy glow "It was obvious…there was a feeling in my heart, it just seemed so right…"

"How? What do you mean by…_right?" _

"Just that, when I'm with him, I feel comforted, I feel safe and wanted. When he looks at me I can guess what he's thinking and I know he can read my own thoughts. I guess the most important thing is we mutually totally and completely trust each other, I have no doubts about his feelings for me and he has none towards mine. It's not something that had to be stated, we could feel it…it's what's meant to be…"

Heero tried to register all that Quatre just said. _Feel totally comfortable…safe and wanted…Who did that make him think of__? Totally and completely trust…_

 It's not like he distrusted Trowa, but…there wasn't the sense of utter and complete openness with him…just a feeling of reliance and contact due to familiar experiences…

The intimate feeling was lacking there…his infatuation with Trowa was based more on consequence than sentiments, sure, he was a good friend, but this feeling that Quatre had tried to describe to him…the "right" feeling…it was not there…

_Someone else…that sense of intimacy…there was someone else…Just…_

_Who…?_

"Heero?" Quatre's voice broke his trance "Umm…are you going to stay out here any longer?"

"Huh?" Heero looked up quickly.

"I'm going back now" Quatre stood up "You coming?"

"No…" Heero didn't want to move "I'll just stay here for a while…"

"Okay, well, don't be up too long" Quatre picked up his cup and headed back into the kitchen "I'll see you in the morning then…goodnight!"

"Night" Heero barely heard Quatre's exit, his mind was swimming. Quatre's words flowed repeatedly through his mind and he pondered them.

_Comfort…security…trust…_

_Who was it…?_

                              *                                  *                                  *

The following day, Heero found himself left alone in the house.

It was nearly high noon when he found his way out of his room again, and, shuffling into the living room, he found a note scribbled to him next to the phone:

"Hey! Heero!

Well you seemed to be sleeping like a baby so I decided not to wake you, the others are out on some type of errand or other and I've just got a call telling me there's something slightly wrong with one of the Gundams so I've been asked to go down there to help them check it out, nothing major, so I'll be home REAL soon! If you wake up before I get home then find something to do with yourself…and if you don't then you wouldn't be reading this note 'cos I would've gotten rid of it…

Okay now I'm just wasting time and energy and paper and ink…

SEE YA LATER!!!!

                                                                                                                  ~~~DUO"

Heero smiled at the sight of the familiar handwriting. He tucked the note into his jeans pockets and then realized he was absolutely starving.

"Great…they've all abandoned me, they could've fed me first…"

He searched around the kitchen for a while, eventually locating a pot of leftover soup from the night before.

"Hmm…soup…" He sniffed at the contents of the container "I guess it'll do, didn't Trowa cook this? Sheesh! Where did he learn to make such chunky soup anyway?" 

He shrugged "Ah well, it's better than nothing…guess I should reheat it…"

Looking around, he decided that since it was already in a metal pot he may as well use the stove instead of the microwave. But then this proved somewhat of a dilemma, none of the others had thought of teaching him to use the stove.

"Can't be that hard…right?" He looked at the dials "Okay…I think this switch is for…this…ARGH!" He jumped a bit when the blue flames of the gas cooktop shot up "Whew! Now…umm…I'll just put this…on top…" He lifted the heavy container and attempted to place it down on top of the flame, but his hands must've been more slippery than he thought, and he lost his grip on one of the handles, causing part of the contents to spill over on to the stove, distinguishing the fire and leaving an awful scorching mess.

"ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGH!!" Heero grabbed a dishcloth and did his best to wipe away the puddle "Damn it!!"

Just then the doorbell rang.

"Oh thank heavens!" Heero threw down the cloth and rushed to the door "Must be Duo, I'll make his do this!"

But it wasn't Duo standing outside, it was a postman.

"Is there a Heero Yuy here?" The man inquired.

"Umm…yeah that's me" Heero replied uncertainly "Can I help you?"

"Long-distance delivery package" The man handed him an enormous box with the word "Fragile" stamped all over it.

Heero peered at the box curiously, he couldn't think of who it may be from. The man handed him a form and he absently scribbled his name (Thanking the cosmos he had managed to "Learn" his own signature again) where it was indicated to do so.

"Thank you sir…oh, and by the way" The man asked before he left "Is that your real name? Heero Yuy?"

Heero was stumped for a moment, but remembered what Duo had taught him to do in case of such a situation "Just glare at them until they back off" He had said "That may sound stupid but you have no idea how effective that glare of yours is"

So Heero looked the man straight in the eyes and tried as hard as he could to be intense.

"Uh…well…never mind!" The postman seemed to get nervous all of a sudden and quickly retreated to his vehicle "Have a nice day!"

"Wow…that was easy" Heero thought as he closed the door, then he looked down at the box "Hmm…"

He carried it back to his own room and placed it down on his bed so he could study it closer. He noticed an envelope attached to top left hand side and withdrew a letter:

"My dearest Heero" It began.

_What the…He frowned, who in the world would refer to him like that?! He read on:_

"How have you been since we separated? I've been having the most miserable bug and have been forced to rest for three days, which meant a three day delay of my tours of the various colonies. Oh how I miss you! I wish I could be back to see you sooner but now it seems we may not be back until the start of Spring, but I promise to come and see you as soon as we arrive! I am due to be back on the first of March, so if there are no further delays then that is the day we can be reunited! 

Counting the seconds until I am with my Heero again!                      ~~Relena Peacecraft"

"Peacecraft…" The name sounded vaguely familiar, but Heero couldn't quite remember, he looked at the printing on the stationary "From the desk of the Queen of the world" it said.

"Huh?" The phrase sounded so strange to him, in fact the whole letter was weird, it made his head spin "What kind of title is that? Queen of the…world? Is that self-proclaimed or something?" 

His stomach grumbled, and he realized he still hasn't eaten anything.

"Alright alright!" He said to his tummy "I'll feed you in a moment! Be patient!"

He placed the letter back onto his bed, and attempted to lift the package again.

"Ugh!" It felt a lot heavier than it did only moments before, he could hardly move it. His arms felt weak and tired, in fact, his whole body was starting to feel weary "What have I been doing anyway?" He thought "I've only been up for a little while…then I tried to cook…shouldn't have taken that much energy…why…"

He frowned and rubbed his eyes, they were starting to feel droopy again "I'm so sleepy…I guess that's only normal since I barely slept last night…but…"

Fatigue was coming on fast and strong, and all of a sudden he just wanted to lie down and go back to sleep again.

_I'll go get something to eat… He thought drowsily…__Then…straight back to bed…_

Leaving the package unopened, he left his room and slowly found his way back to the kitchen. Trying to remember what it was he was doing there a while earlier, he stopped at the entrance and looked around. He couldn't think properly, he was getting _so exhausted…_

Suddenly he gripped the side of a bench and realized he had just nearly blacked out.

"I feel _so drained…" He thought "What's wrong with me? It's not just a lack of sleep that's making me so…"_

He lost his grip, and felt himself falling to the floor. The impact didn't hurt him, but rather, it felt soft and painless.

_Why… He tried to get up, but couldn't move…__Why…am I feeling like this?... He tried to lift his arm but failed, his vision was blurring and he started to lose feeling of his body._

_What is going on? He wondered groggily…__What's happening to me? His eyes wandered, and he caught sight of the stovetop._

One of the dials was turned on full, and realization dawned upon him.

_The gas…I never turned it off… His sense of smell came back to him, and he detected the sickly sweet odor that filled the room …__I have to shut it…or else this whole place could blow up! He thought in a panic, and tried again to lift himself._

It was to no prevail, he was just too tired, his mind had hazed over and he could no longer see anything, just swirls of color before his eyes, as if a thousand camera flashes were going off in his face at once.

He closed his eyes, it was just too hard to keep them open any longer.

                              *                                  *                                  *

"Man! That's the last time I forget my keys!" Duo cursed himself as he banged on the front door "Is that guy planning to lock me out all day? HEY!! HEERO!!" He shouted.

There was no response, and Duo frowned.

"He can't possibly be still asleep! It's nearly three already!" He paused and leant in to press his ear against the door. It was utterly silent inside, and he couldn't help wonder if there was something wrong with Heero.

"What if he's sick or something...?But he seemed fine yesterday… wait a sec…" He frowned and sniffed the air.

There was a strange scent that leaked from the door frame, and he felt his blood freeze at recognition "Omigod…" His eyes widened "Gas! HEERO!!! HEERO CAN YOU HEAR ME?!!"

Still nothing, despite his thumping and yelling, the house remained absolutely quiet. He abandoned the door and ran to one of the windows which looked in to the kitchen, and peered through it.

"Heero!!" He screamed as he caught sight of the boy lying at the entrance to the kitchen, motionless, his eyes closed and his skin was a deathly pale. "Far out…HEERO!!! Oh hell…HEERO WAKE UP!!!"

The boy on the floor seemed to twitch slightly, but his eyes remained closed, Duo looked around him for something to smash the window with, his fists just weren't strong enough. But there was nothing around that looked usable.

"Dammit!" Duo's mind was filled with panic, he could only scream out his name repeatedly "Heero!! HEERO….!!!!!"

                  *                                  *                                  *

_Why am I lying here like this? Heero tried to open his eyes, but his eyelids felt like they were made of lead…__That smell… He vaguely remembered…__I have to turn that gas off!_

Somewhere, someone was yelling, and he strained to make out who it was, but no sound could penetrate the thick fog surrounding his head…_Why…what the…_

"HEERO!!" 

Out of instinct he knew it was Duo's voice, even though it sounded about a million miles away…

"Duo…" He tried to call, but it came out like a croaked whisper, his lips were dry and his tongue felt swollen.

"Help me…" He whispered, behind his closed eyelids he saw Duo's face, that cheeky smile and those big cobalt eyes that pierced straight to his heart.

_I'm going to die…He thought dazedly…__This really…doesn't feel so bad…no pain…peace…warm…seductive…_

He felt death overtaking him, stroking him like a cool, soothing breeze.

_Duo…A thought entered his subconscious, almost like an apprehension before his life's end…__I'll never remember my past…but I just realized…_

_Did I ever tell you…?_

_I needed you so…_

_…I think I love you…_

He could hold on no further, and slipped into unconsciousness.

                              *                                  *                                  *

The smell was intensifying.

Duo's hands ached from the repeated beats on the window, finally, as a last resort, he withdrew his pistol and pointed it at the window. But right before he pulled the trigger, he stopped himself.

"One spark and the whole place's gonna go" He realized, breaking into a cold sweat at the thought of what he almost did "That's just not gonna work!"

There was no time to waste, he drew his arm back and flung his weapon at the glass with all his might.

The gun smashed through, creating a hole sufficient for the gas to escape, but it was still too small to enter by.

"Dammit!" He cursed and kicked at the jagged edges of the broken glass "Get out of my way!" 

Finally the opening seemed big enough and he squeezed through, ignoring the slashes he was getting on his arms and legs, he jumped from the pane and dove straight at the stove. With a flick of the wrist he switched off the dial. The soft hissing sound stopped.

He leapt to where Heero lay, screaming out his name.

"HEERO!! Can you hear me?!" 

No response.  Duo felt as if his heart would stop beating, he reached to Heero's neck to check for a pulse.

Yes…it was there. Weak and unsteady, but at least it was there!

"Thank heavens!" He breathed, and rushed on to call the paramedics. He hated doctors, almost out of instinct he didn't trust them. But he knew that that was no time to contemplate his values, Heero needed help, immediately.

Once that was done, he went around as quickly as he could and opened all the windows and the front door before making his way back to Heero.

"It's gonna be alright…can you hear me? You're gonna be fine…okay Heero?" He brushed the brown locks out of his friends' eyes "Hang in there…" 

Heero's face had turned a shade of ash-gray, and his skin felt alarmingly cold. Duo placed his hand under his nose and felt for breath.

It wasn't there…

"Omigod!!" Duo cried again "Heero!" Agonized, he felt again for a pulse, but this time there was nothing.

"Heero! You can't die!! Not like this!" He begged "Come on! You've survived worse than this before!! You can't give up now!! Not like this Heero!! I know you can make it through!! You've always made it through…!!"

But that was back then…this was now…Duo realized, Heero was no longer the perfect soldier, it's not the same anymore…

"You can't leave me like this Heero…I'm not gonna let you!"

He fell on his hands and knees, pried open Heero's mouth, titled his head back and pinched his nose shut. He then pressed his own mouth over Heero's. He breathed and counted.

"One…two…three…"

He breathed again, and counted…again, and again and again…

_Don't give up on me Heero…you're not going to die like this; this wasn't how your fate was meant to be…_

_Don't leave me Heero…I'm not going to let you go… _


	10. Restless nights: Part three

**CHAPTER NINE**

His life was passing before him…

Like a series of movies stills, images flashed across his mind. He tried to reach out and grasp them, but it was all in vain, he could not link the pictures to memory, they did not exist. There were places he did not recognize, faces he could not identify, voices he failed to distinguish, scenes which seem to almost have happened…

There was a feeling of familiarity somehow, like he could almost call out their names, they felt so close and yet so distant, his heart told him he knew them, but his mind was unable to put words to depiction…

He wanted so badly to grab hold of something…anything that could help him make sense of the confusion in his heart…

_Anything…_

Heero strained to open his eyes and focus his vision to make out his surroundings, his face hurt, in fact, his entire body hurt. He looked around in confusion, and realized he was in a hospital bed. Then his gaze fell upon someone next to his bed.

"Duo…"

He tried to call his name, but it came out like a croaked whisper, his throat was dry and sore. Still the other boy sensed his wakening and their eyes met.

"Welcome back, sleeping beauty" Duo smiled "How're you feeling?"

"Where…where am I?" Heero asked.

"You're in the hospital, I should think the bed and machines would provide a clue" Duo replied "You've been out for a long time"

Only then did Heero notice the amount of machinery he was rigged up to with various tubes and needles "What…what happened?"

"That's what I want to ask you!" Duo shook his head "What were you thinking of anyway? Leaving the gas going like that? If I hadn't arrived on time, you would've…" he shuddered at the thought "Well it would've have been pretty"

It slowly came back to Heero, the gas escaping, him trying to stop it and failing to do so…falling...someone calling his name…

_I think I love you…_

"You…you saved me…" He whispered "Duo…thank you…"

Duo stared at him for a moment and thought "You never wanted anyone to save you before, and you were never grateful to anyone who made a effort to do so…But now…" The gratitude was pouring from Heero's eyes and made Duo's heart melt into a gooey puddle.

"Don't mention it Heero" He said with a wave of his hand "I expect to be repaid one day"

"Count on it" Heero smiled despite the pain "If you ever need me, I'll be there"

"I surely hope so..." The thought flashed across Duo's conscience "But I can't be certain of anything anymore…"

He cringed, recalling the panicked sensation that raced across his chest when he first detected the gas and saw the unconscious Heero on the kitchen floor.

"If he still had his memory, none of this would've happened, he wouldn't have made such a mistake if he was still his old self, in fact, I don't think a bit of gas would be sufficient to knock him out anyhow…"

Duo sighed, "It's my fault in a way, I should've known better than to have left him on his own like that…" He shook his head. In amongst his concern and guilt there was also a trace of disappointment "I would've thought this counted as a 'traumatic experience'" He murmured "But obviously it's still not enough to make him remember…"

He looked down at the figure in the bed, and shivered. Heero's eyes were closed, presumably he was asleep, but Duo couldn't help but imagine what may have been if he had not returned in time…if he had stopped on his way to do something else…what would've…

_NO! He shouted silently. __DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT!!!_

He fell back into his chair, suddenly, he was tired.

*                                  *                                  *

The following evening…

For Heero, it was pointless to even _try going to sleep that night, although he had been advised to get a good deal of rest when he left the hospital that morning, but since he got home (For he now considered it to be so) Quatre had insisted he get sleep straight away, and so, with some help from his personal druggie Trowa, Heero was put to bed for twelve hours straight._

So now, in the dead of the night, Heero found himself opening his bedroom door, with a jacket in one hand and his pillow in the other.

He softly made his way towards the balcony, but halfway there he stopped.

There was another figure there, a flicker of hope flashed across his heart. "Duo?" He thought, perhaps he's out moon-watching again, but upon closer inspection he realized it wasn't. The figure was dressed completely in white, with his raven-black hair tied into a tight ponytail at the back of his head.

As if he could sense his presence, Wufei turned around. He didn't say anything, nor did he smile or gesture for Heero to approach, but Heero still ventured forward anyway.

"Hey…" He greeted as he stepped onto the balcony "I didn't expect anyone else to be up so late…"

"So you realize it's late?" Wufei chided "Why aren't you in bed? If Quatre saw you like this he'd have a fit"

"You try sleeping after been knocked out for half a day!" Heero protested "It's not that easy you know! And honestly, Quatre worries too much" He sat down in the balcony chair and hugged his pillow to his chest "And he gets angry too easily as well" He added, remembering the lecturing session the blond pilot had given him just before putting him to bed.

"You think?" Wufei raised an eyebrow "Come on, you should appreciate that guy, I mean, he's got the best temper out of any of us, he was just frustrated that's all…"

"Really?"

"Yeah…I reckon he's the only one out of any of us who would actually still talk to you after the way you…umm…'greeted' him…"

Heero blushed slightly, remembering his coffee high right on the night of arrival here, well it was all Duos' fault anyway…

"Why are you up anyway?" Heero asked "Don't tell me you're into the lunar thing as well"

Wufei shrugged, and turned away "I am" He admitted softly.

"Man, what's with that?" Heero gazed at the glowing crescent in the sky "I know it's beautiful and all but…what makes it so fascinating that both you and Duo love it so much?"

"When I was younger…" Wufei began after a sigh "I was told so many stories about that place, what it contained…so many myths, beautiful, magical myths that I set my dreams upon…" A sense of nostalgia came into his voice "We could see the moon from the colony of course, but it wasn't the same, we saw it too clearly, I never associated it with those stories I heard…"

He trailed off, and fell silent for a moment, he didn't know why he was telling Heero all this, it wasn't as if they had been terribly close even before he had amnesia, but for whatever reason, he felt as if it was appropriate to reveal some of his heart now…to him…

"But then I grew up" He went on quietly "And I found out that the place that was so full of magic in my childhood was nothing like what I was told, there was no beauty there, it was full of the same corruption and evil as there were anywhere else…"

"Watching it from afar…" His eyes glittered with melancholy "I can almost relive those dreams again…it's almost like…a link with the unstained past…and one needs to hold on to something when they're in such an ugly war…it's what keeps us going…"

Heero watched the dark haired boy in silence, he never imagined that beneath Wufei's defense of anger, he had such a vulnerable side…

_I wonder if he's ever…_

"Wufei…" The question came out of nowhere but suddenly Heero felt the urge to voice it "Have you ever been in love before?"

Wufei was completely taken aback at the question and immediately his guard was up again "What? Why are you asking me this?!" He demanded.

"I just…"Heero pulled his pillow closer and shrugged "I was just wandering if you know what it feels like to be…" His voice faded.

Wufei watched him closely for a moment, he knew who was on Heero's mind, at least, who he was trying to relate the question towards. After a moment, he spoke up softly:

"I don't think I'll ever know…"

Heero frowned, puzzled "What do you mean?"

"I never had the chance to find out…I may have been in love, but it must've been only brief…I'll never know if it was real or just my minds' playing tricks on my conscience, so I'll never find out…"

   Heero was perplexed "Exactly what _did happen?"_

   Wufei sighed "When I was fourteen I had an arranged marriage to the daughter of another family in the clan…"

   "Fourteen!" Heero exclaimed softly "Wufei! You're married?!"

   "I was" There was a hint of annoyance in his reply, but that faded away as he went on "Her name was Long Meiran, we never approved of each other…for various reasons" He sighed again "But she was one of the strongest women there were…she wanted to fight for the colony, and denounced her feminine state to do so…she called herself Nataku.."

   "Nataku!" Heero's eyes widened at the recognition of the name.

   "Yeah that's right…" Wufei went on "But it was because of such fighting that she died…"

   "Oh my…" Heero lowered his eyes "I'm so sorry…"

   "There's no point in you saying that, this all happened quite a while ago…" Wufei's shoulders seem to sag and Heero couldn't help thinking how strange it was seeing the warrior out of composure "But it was all so pointless!" Wufei leant against the railing "It was all useless…the colony she fought to protect…she died to protect…it fell under the scrutiny of Oz anyhow…it was all for nothing!" 

   Heero wondered if he was going to cry, his shoulders were trembling slightly and his fists were tightly clenched, and he felt guilty for bringing up such a subject. But when Wufei turned back to him, his eyes were perfectly dry.

   "What made you think of that anyway?" He asked, his voice once again regaining its' calm.

   "Oh…I just…" Heero tried to respond, but a slight evening breeze caused him to shudder.

   "Put that jacket on" Wufei instructed "Duo'll kill me if I let you get a cold while chatting with me"

   "Duo…" Heero pulled on the jacket, the name brought a funny feeling to his chest "Are you close to him Wufei?"

   "Maxwell?" Wufei sneered "What do you think?"

   "I…" Heero tipped his head to one side "I don't know…you guys seem to yell at each other a lot, actually, you seem to get mad at him a lot and he just seems to annoy you…but then again..."

   Duo's voice came to the back of his mind…_I admire him, and I like him… He had told Heero in reference to Wufei, so what was the other side of the story like?_

   "Honestly Heero…if you're thinking about what happened that morning in the hallway, I can tell you it was absolutely nothing!"

   "Oh I don't mean anything like that…but, Trowa told me that, beneath all your masks, you really do care about each other…"

   Those piercing black eyes seem to soften for a moment "Trust Trowa to tell you that…" He almost smiled "I don't like to show it but…"

   "But you do like him don't you?" Heero finished off for him.

   "Without him around the place would get depressing a lot more easily" Wufei started to pace the length of the balcony "Sometimes when situations get really grim, he's the only one who can lighten up the situation, his tactics may be annoying, but at least they worked…at times…so…" He smiled in such a way it seemed uncharacteristic "Yeah, I'm grateful to him…"

"But you call him a baka" 

"I know…but who can help it?" Wufei laughed "I mean you look at the stunts he pull sometimes, ugh!" He shook his head "It's like, you feel he belongs in a clown suit more than Trowa does…but really…" He added more seriously "Beneath that…he's one of the most intelligent people I've ever known, he thinks fast, has street smarts that the rest of us lack…well, he really isn't an idiot in that sense"

Heero smiled "I guess he's pretty amazing eh?"

Wufei stopped at the opposite end of the balcony, slightly embarrassed at all he had said, but as he turned to look at Heero, he felt he might as well go all the way, what did it matter anyway? He wanted those two to get it sorted out as soon as possible, so since he had already come this far, he may as well go the whole way.

"Heero…" He called softly "Don't waste it"

The other boy looked at him, confused.

"I mean…" He made his way back to him "Don't end up the way I did…don't wait until it's too late, find out while you can, don't waste your chance…"

"What…do you mean?" Heero asked, although he knew perfectly what Wufei was referring to.

"We're all soldiers, I'm sure you're aware of that" Wufei continued "Anything could happen to any of us at anytime, and there's no telling of what the next day may bring, if you want to do something, you better do it right away 'cos there's always the possibility that you'll lose the chance to…"

Heero felt a violent shiver down his spine; he didn't want to imagine anything that might happen to Duo, but Wufei had a point…

"I…what are you saying I should do?" He asked helplessly.

"What do you mean what am _I saying?!" Wufei wanted to choke him in frustration "Isn't it perfectly obvious?!"_

"Huh?"

"Duo was out here a few nights ago, and he was just as lost as you are now, you two really are a clueless pair, so hopelessly thick!"

"Huh?" Heero repeated, it was all he could manage.

"Duo was telling me all this stuff…he thinks you have a crush on Trowa"

"I…" Heero didn't know how to respond, he did feel drawn to Trowa for a while back then, but now…he didn't want Duo to be mistaken about something like that…

"Well?" Wufei said expectantly.

"What…?"

"Aren't you going to try and correct his misinterpretations? I'm sure you had him pretty worked up…and this was _before the gas thing happened, I don't even want to think about his state of mind now"_

Heero smiled and shook his head "Baka.." He imitated Wufei's tone.

"No he isn't" Wufei said "He may be loud and crazy and annoying, but in these aspects he's no baka…"

Heero stood up, still clutching his pillow "I guess…but…what am I meant to say?"

"Just…tell him…"

"How can I…"

"Look, the longer you drag this out the harder it'll be, like I said before, you can't afford to waste time, because that's one thing no one has a grasp on"

"But I…"

"Just get in there!" Wufei demanded "I'm getting tired of the way you're acting, just come out of it okay? Hurry up and get cozy, the falseness is making me sick"

Hearing Wufei's voice return to it's usual assertive tone somehow gave Heero the courage he needed, and he stepped through the door quickly.

"Thanks Wufei…" 

"Whatever…" Wufei turned his focus back to the moon "Why am I getting all this gratitude from those two all of a sudden…ugh! Why do I get involved anyway?"

Because they were his friends, whether he wanted to admit it openly or to himself, and he cared, because now, they were all he had…

                              *                                  *                                  *

A dull glow peaked out from under the door to Duo's room, telling Heero that he was still awake. He stopped in front of the door for a moment, wondering whether or not he should be doing this…

_You can't afford to waste time… Wufei's voice came back to him._

"That's right" He uttered to himself "I have no time to lose…"

Without further hesitation, not even bothering to knock, he swung open the door and entered.

"WHOA!!" Came the cry from the bed "What the…Heero?!" Duo rubbed his eyes as if he thought he was hallucinating "Why…what are you doing up?"

"Your light was on" Heero stated simply, and approached the bed.

Duo backed into one corner of it was if he was frightened "What…Heero…are you alright? What are you doing here?"

"Duo" He said calmly, despite the crazy pounding of his heart in his chest "I need to talk to you…after what happened yesterday, I can't risk losing another chance to tell you…"

Duo stared at him, wide eyed "Heero…"

"Let me finish first!" Heero placed a hand on Duo's lips to silence him "As I was laying there, I heard your voice calling to me, and I wanted so badly to answer, but I couldn't…" He swallowed hard "But I suddenly realized…I…I…"

_Say it! Commanded a voice in his heart. __Say it to him! Tell him now!!_

"I…I love you" He finally uttered.

Duo stared at him blankly, and Heero's heart sank, this wasn't the reaction he had anticipated.

"Heero?" Duo finally whispered "I know you're grateful to me and everything… but…you don't have to…have to put yourself into this kind of situation…it's alright…"

_No it's not alright you baka! Heero wanted to scream._

"I guess Wufei sold me out…I heard you guys out there" Duo smiled weakly "You know, it's alright, I'm okay…you don't have to do this…"

_I'm not doing it because I have to! I'm doing it because it's what I want!!_

"So I'll just pretend you didn't say any…"

Heero could stand it no longer, and he grabbed the front of Duo's nightshirt and pulled him towards himself, before Duo had a chance to react, they were lip locked.

Duo's eyes widened, he couldn't react to the sudden gesture, his own pulse racing out of control…

Heero…!!!

At length, he pulled away and their eyes met.

"Don't doubt me Duo" Heero whispered "It took all my courage to come and tell you this…you can't doubt me now…"

"I…" Duo looked at him meekly "You really meant it…? You really…loved me?" His voice ended in a soft squeak.

"I do" The response was more certain than ever.

The two of them sat and stared in silence for a moment, suddenly Duo's face broke into a huge grin.

"Heero!" He laughed and reached out to him "You're more perfect than you ever were!" His arms curled around Heero's neck and they fell back onto the bed.

"So does this mean you're going to come back to me now?" 

"I haven't slept properly since the day I left, of course I am!"

Duo laughed again "Me neither!" He held him closer.

Heero sighed in contentment, once again he felt safe, Duo's embrace was so warm and comforting…

_Comfort…safety…trust…_

Yes, it was Duo, it had always been Duo…

He snuggled closer to him, and for the first time in a long while, he knew where he belonged.


	11. Enter Relena: Part one

**CHAPTER TEN**

The next few weeks passed like a dream. A dream that was reality.

Duo couldn't remember the last time he felt so doubtlessly happy, so completely contented and satisfied, like he needed nothing else, nor did he have any worries. For those precious few weeks, his world was perfect, he had all that he could hope for. His laughter was more genuine that ever before, it came directly from his heart. He no longer needed to search for a reason to act cheerful, it came naturally…such joy and bliss that have not inhabited his heart for such a long time…those were the most beautiful days of his life.

And, Duo was sure, that if Heero could recall them, those would've been the best days of Heero's life too.

Needless to say the other three boys picked up the new stance of their relationship pretty quickly. The very way they looked at each other and the change in tone of voice when speaking to one another was a dead giveaway on their own. Plus, as Wufei had mentioned earlier, there was the 'sleeping arrangement', although Duo had the habit of turning into a tomato whenever the topic is mentioned.

Heero continued to explore his surroundings, and felt increasingly at home there, everything around him seemed at the same time surprisingly new, yet strangely familiar, as if the longer he stayed among these people, the more he would become one of them.

Missions did come every now and again, but still nothing major was disrupted, Duo even risked taking Heero on one of his blowing-up rampages, but the images of the battlefield still did nothing to trigger Heero's memories. 

Thus passed the winter months, and soon the signs of spring began to emerge…and hence came that fateful day, when the lives of the five Gundam pilots were, once again, thrown into confusion.

 "Heero!" 

It was still early in the morning, Duo was calling him, but Heero wasn't ready to get out of bed just yet, from under the covers he peeked at the clock on his beside table "It's only eight in the morning!" He closed his eyes again, the bed felt too warm and cozy for him to want to leave "Just a few more minutes…" He thought hazily "A few more…"

 "HEERO!!" Duo's voice grew louder "Get up! Now!"

"Whyyyyyyyyy!?" Heero groaned as he pulled the covers up higher to hide his face "It's not like you haven't slept later than this before…"

"You can't sleep now! We have a visitor!" Duo tried to wrench the blanket from Heero's grasp "Come on!!"

"Visitor?" Heero opened one eye to look up at Duo "Can't I pretend I'm not home?"

"NO!" Duo yelled in frustration "She came to see _you!"_

"She?" Heero's brows crinkled slightly "It's a girl?"

"That's right Yuy" Wufei joined them in their room "And she's not gonna go away until you go and greet her so get on with it, I don't plan to tolerate her company for very long"

"Huh?" Heero was puzzled, to say the least "What…what's happening? Who is this?"

 "It's Miss Relena Peacecraft" Another voice entered the conversation, Trowa's.

"Hmm?" Heero woke up a bit, it seemed he had heard the name before, and it had some particular relevance to him but he couldn't pinpoint it exactly "Who…"

"Come _ON Heero!" Duo managed to drag him into a sitting position "Can't you remember? We've shown you heaps of photos of her!"_

"Re…le…na…" Heero tasted the name slowly, "Hang on a sec…did you say Peacecraft?!" 

"That's right" Trowa nodded"

"Umm…does she happen to be the Queen of the world or something like that?"

"Heero!" Duo exclaimed "How…how did you know that?!"

"You mean that's actually a real official title!?" Heero's eyes widened "Well, you know that day the gas thing happened…I received this package and this letter thing…" He reached under the bed and pulled out the large, dust-covered, still unopened, long forgotten package from under Duo's bed,(don't ask how it got there, someone must've brought it there in Heero's "official" move to Duo's bedroom), the letter still attached "And the sender was a Relena Peacecraft, she called herself the queen of the world…" He picked up the letter and showed it to the others "I thought it was a joke at the time"

"You knew she was coming?!" Wufei asked as he scanned the contents of the letter, (which sickened him slightly) "Why didn't you say anything about it?!"

"Well I was…"Heero glanced at Duo "…distracted" He finished off, slightly embarrassed.

"I'm sure…" Wufei murmured "Listen, we don't have much time okay? So first of all, we need to get you sorted out so you're ready to meet her, we don't want her to know anything about your…umm…condition…"

"Huh? We don't?" Duo turned in surprise "Why not?"

"So far, only the four of us know about Heero's amnesia, and the less people who know, the better. If too many people are in on this then it would eventually make its way back to Oz…then we'd have trouble, who knows what the heck they'd pull?"

"But…but…Relena wouldn't sell us out like that!" Duo protested "Not on Heero anyway…"

"I'm inclined to agree with Wufei here Duo" Trowa spoke up quietly "The fewer informed, the safer we are, we can't risk it. Relena is, after all, the queen of the world…and heaven only knows exactly how many of the people around her are really loyal, one little slip could be lethal!"

"But…this is insane!" Duo shook his head "Are you guys suggesting we try to disguise the fact Heero has lost his memory!?"

"Precisely!" Wufei exclaimed "Come on Duo, we have no choices here!"

"But…but how on earth do you plan to pull this off?!"

"Heero's a fast learner right?" Wufei shrugged "It shouldn't be _too hard, we'll just do the basics okay? First of all, Heero, do you remember who Relena __is?"_

Heero concentrated, trying to put image to name "Is…is she the one with the freakish eyebrows?" He guessed, that was the picture most deeply implanted in his mind from those albums. 

"No that's Dorothy" Wufei informed him.

"Umm…the circus performer?" 

"Nope, Catherine" Duo corrected.

"No? Oh damn…" Heero sighed in mock-disappointment "She was one hot chick!"

From behind the dark brown unibang, Trowa glared at him threateningly "Watch it" He growled.

"She's the one you said was kinda cute!" Duo tried.

"Oh…right!" Heero grinned "Yeah! I get it now! Hey…none of you mentioned this royalty business!"

"Well…umm…we'll explain it all later" Duo waved his hand "Anyway, when you first see her, well, she may be a little overly-friendly…"

 "Suffocating is more like it…"Wufei mumbled.

"Hey, come on, she's nice…sort of…" Trowa interrupted "Heero, just remember, try not to mention too much of anything to her, it's okay if you don't put in too much of a conversation, in fact" He said on second thoughts "Try to stick with one-worded replies…"

"I'm meant to be nice on a one-worded basis?" Heero frowned "How the heck…."

"Repeat after me" Duo instructed "Say 'Hn""

"Huh?" Heero was utterly baffled.

"Not 'Huh?'…I said say "Hn"! It's not that hard!"

"Umm…Hn…" Heero tried unsuccessfully.

"With an attitude Heero come one!" Duo pleaded.

"HN!!"

"You sound like you need to blow your nose" Wufei commented, "Geez Heero, he said with an attitude not with a blocked nasal passage"

"Ugh!" Heero threw up his hands in frustration "Whatever!"

"Well if you can't manage the 'Hn' then I guess 'Ugh' will have to do" Duo sighed "Hey look, we have to hurry up with this, I'm not sure how long Quatre's gonna be able to stall her before she charges in here to look for you and…well…" His face took on a pale shade of pink and he gave a nervous laugh "Ahe…heh..heh…"

"And it won't be very pretty when she finds you in Duo's bed" Wufei finished off for him simply "So I suggest you get yourself out there before we have a hysterical female on our hands"

"But…" Heero tried to protest, he was still somewhat bewildered by what was going on, but the others gave him no room to dispute. Within a minute Heero found himself on his feet with a pile of clothes in his hands.

"Get changed and cleaned up!" Wufei demanded "We're giving you five minutes, get to it!"

The door slammed shut upon their exit. Heero shrugged to himself and started to get changed. There was nothing else he could do, and there was definitely no chance that he could go back to bed. 

Besides, he was curious to see this girl, supposedly a queen.

                              *                                  *                                  *

"Sorry Miss Relena" Quatre apologized for perhaps the twentieth time "I'm sure Heero will be out in another minute"

"That's fine" Relena replied cordially, but underneath she was getting impatient, what on earth was he doing?! Why didn't he rush out to welcome her as she had expected? What could possibly be keeping him? The other four boys had all taken turns running in and out of his room but he still hasn't emerged…

Then a thought came to her…perhaps he's got something special planned and was fixing last-minute details! Yes! That had to be it! She decided, and felt a little more complied to wait a while longer.

Another moment of awkward silence passed as she sat on a corner of the couch, across from her was Wufei and Trowa, Quatre standing nervously behind them.

Footsteps sounded down the hallway, and the four of them glanced up simultaneously.

Duo appeared at the end of the hall, wearing a large grin on his face.

"You highness" He announced grandly "Allow me to present the man of the day…Heero Yuy!" 

Relena stood up, her hands folded over her heart as her eyes searched eagerly for Heero's entrance.

"Oh Heero!"

He emerged beside Duo, in his usual green tank and black spandex, his hair falling partly over his eyes and he peered through at her.

"Hi Relena" He greeted.

"Oh Heero!" She exclaimed happily "I'm so glad to see you again! I've missed you!"

"Nice to see you too" Heero smiled, eyeing her up and down. _Yup!  He decided. __She's definitely cute! The hair needs work perhaps, and the whole pink-theme outfit has got to go, but aside from that…totally a cutie!! "So how have you been?"_

"Oh it was so exhausting!" She exclaimed "And it took a lot longer than I thought, which is why my return was delayed so… I thought those three months would never end! But we _did achieve a great deal in the way of maintaining peace amongst the colonies…"_

"Well that's great!" Heero complemented.

"I will always give whatever it takes to bring total peace" She put the emphasis on the last two words, half expecting Heero to put forward his opposing views on the matter, but he didn't, instead he just kept smiling.

"Umm…Miss Relena" Quatre spoke up "Why don't you have a seat? Heero, you too, then we can all hear about your trip to space"

"Why of course…" She replied absently "I'd be happy to" But she didn't make the slightest motion to move nor did she take her eyes off Heero for a second.

"Heero…" Duo tried to break the standoff in the hallway, it was making him tense and restless "Why don't you escort the…queen…to the living room so she may sit down?"

"Escort?" Heero laughed at the formality in his voice and tried to imitate it "Sure thing Duo, whatever you say!" He offered Relena his left arm "Shall we go then your majesty?" He asked with a glint of playfulness in his eyes.

She drew back somewhat, and a look of wariness came onto her face as she studied Heero's expression.

"Heero…?"She inquired suspiciously "Are you…alright?"

The other four boys cringed slightly, none of them had remembered to warn Heero against this kind of behavior. There was no way Relena could miss such a change in nature.

"What d'ya mean? I'm terrific!" Heero replied "Don't you think so?" He added mischievously, and winked at her.

Duo wanted to slap himself for been so negligent of something like that, his eyes nervously fixed upon Relena to see her reaction.

"Well…"Relena didn't seem convinced yet "It's just that…you seem a bit…well…" She wasn't sure how to put it, so she decided to give it to him straight "…overly happy"

"Oh…umm…" Only then did Heero remember that his "old self" wasn't exactly of the excessively ecstatic type "Well see…" He thought quickly "You know how they say that when you're around someone a lot…you start behaving like them?"

"Yeah…?" Relena frowned "So….?"

"Well…see, like umm…" Heero stammered, giving nervous little glances over at Duo hoping he'd step in and say something, but he didn't. "I…I've been living here for a  long time now, and lately I…I've spent a lot of time with Duo and…"

Relena looked over to where Duo stood, and her frown deepened "Why were you guys…"

"Training!" Duo put in anxiously "We've been having a lot of…training session together…" That wasn't exactly a lie, just not the full story of what type of training they were undergoing…

"And you're saying you've influenced him…?" Relena finished off.

"Err…Yeah…in a way I guess" That wasn't a complete lie either, Duo decided.

She turned her gaze back to Heero, not sure of how to take this piece of information.

"My arm is getting tired there, are you gonna take it or not?" Heero motioned.

"Oh…sure Heero…" She mechanically linked her hand through his arm, and immediately felt him tug her towards himself.

"Come on!" He said jokingly "Lighten up your highness, don't look so serious, and quit frowning you'll get wrinkles!"

"Oh Heero…" She breathed in wonder at his tone of voice, she had never heard him sound so relaxed and cheerful, and decided that whatever caused this change, she approved.

"So…" She began as they got settled into the living room "Did you like the present that I sent you?"

"Present…?" Heero scratched his head "Arrr…"

"Why…did you not receive it?" She asked with concern "I hope it did not get lost…"

"Oh wait!" Heero exclaimed and jumped up "I got it! I'll bring it out here!" He ran back to the bedroom and picked up the heavy package which still lay next to the bed, and brought it back to where the others were.

"Is this it?" He showed her "Sorry I never got a chance to open it…"

"Yeah well…do it now!" She instructed "I hope you like it…"

Heero sat down and torn open the cardboard wrap, and drew out the contents as the others all leaned over for a look.

In front of them spread a large portrait, heavily framed and under glass. It was a beautiful painting, and resembled the old art of oil on canvas, but they all knew it was merely a modified photograph. The backdrop was a magnificent sunset on the beach, with a cliff in the foreground; the clouds were of a golden-orange color and a few lone seagulls could be identified in the distance.

On the cliff stood a girl, her auburn hair flew out behind her in the breeze, she was dressed in white all over, a long flowing gown which also flapped gracefully in the wind.

The figure was small relative to the size of the picture, but everyone could see it was the queen herself.

"Relena…" Heero whispered "It's…beautiful…" And he meant it too, he had only seen one real sunset since his amnesia, it was with Duo on one of his missions, and he had absolutely loved it. And here he was, holding the magnificence in his own hands.

"I thought so too" She gazed at his face, that childish expression of wonder thrilled her, and she wanted badly to see more of this 'new' Heero. "Well anyway, that aside, why don't you tell me more about what you've been up to since I've been away? I'm sure we have a lot to catch up on!"

"Oh yeah?" He raised an eyebrow. _Hmm…I must've been really good friends with her before this happened, or else why would she be so nice to me? And…she seems to have heaps to talk about with me…He grinned to himself…__Well, why not? She seems kinda fun…not at all as uptight as I thought a 'queen' should be…this could be very interesting…_

"You want me to put that back for you Heero?" Duo asked, indicating the heavy frame still positioned on Heero's knees "You're gonna lose circulation in a moment"

"Oh sure, thanks" He gratefully handed the portrait to Duo.

"Be careful!" Relena cautioned "Don't drop it or anything.

Duo seemed offended "I'm not that clumsy you know"

"Whatever, just be careful" Relena dismissed him with a wave of her hand.

The other three boys looked at one another, and shrugged.

Relena seemed to have forgotten the presence of them altogether, her attention was completely focused upon Heero.

"Oh Heero…" She murmured "You really have changed haven't you…"

"I suppose…" He shrugged, he didn't want to say too much since he had no idea what he used to be like "Is that a good thing?"

"So far, I think it's a wonderful thing" She slid closer "I wish…I could get to know this _changed Heero better…"_

"Really?"  _This is definitely gonna be fun…Heero decided "Well you could!"_

"Oh?" She leaned up closer to his face, closing the distance between them "How?"

"Well we could go out for a walk or something and you'll get to know me better then!" He said teasingly "How about it your majesty?"

"I'd like that…" She breathed and he could feel her breath on his face, her eyes closed and she leaned forwards even more…

"If you want to go out…" Wufei broke in loudly all of a sudden, causing her to jump back in shock "Take a coat or something 'cos it's still quite cold out"

"Humph" She stood up and tried to regain her posture, terribly annoyed at the meddling Chinese boy for ruining her big moment "Sure whatever…lets go Heero" She pulled him up by the hand.

"Now?!" 

"Yeah! Now! Come on! You suggested it!"

"I know but…" He hadn't actually expected her to jump right in and right then "I guess I did but…umm…"

"Let's go Heero!" She urged, not wanting to risk him changing his mind or any further interruptions by his housemates "I have schedules you know!"

"Alright! Alright!" Heero followed her to the door "Let me just tell Duo that I'm…"

"Oh they're tell him you've gone out!" She gestured at Trowa, Quatre and Wufei "Now let's go!"

"Okay! Bye guys!" Heero called as he was pulled out the door._ Ah well, what the heck, it's just a little reunion with an old friend right? Duo wouldn't mind that much would he? Besides, it's not like we had anything planned or stuff like that…the others can explain it to him…_

Still, he was still a bit reluctant at having left without saying goodbye to Duo, but he was only able to take one brief backwards glance at the house before he was placed into a pink limousine and driven off.


	12. Enter Relena: Part two

**CHAPTER ELEVEN**

"Where the heck did they go?! Argh! Why aren't they back yet?!" 

Duo impatiently paced around the living room, arms crossed, with his mouth slightly twisted, the look of anxiety written all over his face.

"Quit worrying about them Duo!" Quatre tried to reason from his position on the couch "It's only nine-thirty, it's not that late"

"You said they went out for a walk! How long can a _WALK take?! Are they walking to the __moon or something!?" Duo yelled, his frustration starting to take over his rationality "What if something happened to them when they were out?!"_

"Calm down!" Trowa admonished as Quatre cowered back into his arms from Duo's outburst "I'm sure they're fine! Relena's got so many bodyguards I don't think anything can happen"

"That's not what I'm worried about" Duo pouted silently "Still…" He tugged at a stray strand of hair that had fallen in front of his eyes "He should've at least told me where he was going…"

"Heero never used to announce his next move to anyone" Wufei said "I would think you'd be used to it by now"

"That's…different" Duo argued feebly "He's…not like he used to be…and he should really be more considerate of other people's feelings anyway!"

"Since when did you become Mr. Sensitive?" Wufei was mildly amused by Duo's behavior.

"I'm not! Stop giving me that look!" He added as he noticed Wufei's mocking expression "It's just that…he shouldn't be out alone so late, it's dangerous!"

"He's not alone Duo" Quatre reminded him.

"Even more dangerous" Duo muttered under his breath. "You guys should've asked him where he was going!"

"Easier said than done" 

"_Still…"_

"Geez Maxwell, you're making all of us jittery here, why don't you go and get some coffee or something? May calm you down" Wufei suggested.

"I am perfectly CALM!" Duo shouted "Quite telling to calm down!"

"_Touché…" Trowa shook his head._

"I AM NOT…" Duo started to protest when the sound of a car pulling up was heard, he left off mid sentence and dashed to a window, just in time to see Heero wave to the departing limousine.

"Finally!" Duo cried in relief "About time!!"

He marched to the door and yanked it open to find Heero slowly making his way up the path.

"Where in this solar system did you guys go?!" He bellowed at the approaching figure "I mean…" He tried to soften his tone of voice "You could've told us where you were going…"

Heero didn't reply, he merely entered the house and stood in the front hall with a puzzled look on his face.

"Heero?" Quatre asked tentatively "You okay?"

He nodded uncertainly, and looked around for a moment before asking "Guys…umm…what's my name?"

Duo nearly fell over at the question "What the!?"

"You…you've lost your memory again Heero?!" Quatre sputtered "Is that even psychologically possible?!"

 "It's alright guys, I haven't lost anything" Heero reassured quickly "It's just that…is Heero my full name?"

"Why do you ask that? Sure it is…unless…" Duo suddenly thought of something "Wait a sec here…do you remember something…like what your original name was or…" Maybe his memories were coming back!

"No…it's not that" Heero replied, much to everyone's disappointment "It's just that…well, are you sure there isn't an O in front of Heero?"

"Huh?"

"Like…you sure my name isn't O-Heero?"

"What the?!" Duo wondered if Heero had suddenly lost his sanity "What are you on about?!"

"Well it's Relena!" Heero explained "She called me that all night; whenever she wanted to say anything to me she'd call me 'O-Heero'"

 For an instant, the whole room fell into silence, then everyone besides Heero burst into laughter at the realization of it all.

"Trust me buddy" Duo patted his shoulder "Your name is Heero and that's all"

"Good I hope so, I didn't like the sound of that anyway"

"So how was your…umm…walk?" Quatre inquired.

Heero shrugged "T'was okay I guess…"

"What did you think of Relena then?" 

"Think of her?"

"Like…" Quatre explained "Did she…make you think of anything?" He still hasn't given up on getting Heero out of amnesia.

Heero shook his head slowly "I don't think so…although…" He tilted his head "You know how I told you guys I felt that weird feeling of…familiarity when I saw 'my' Gundam? Well…it was like that with her too, I kept getting the feeling I've seen her and heard her before, yet I can't pinpoint anything…"

"Being there" Trowa nodded empathetically "Damn that was bad!"

"What did you guys talk about anyway?" Duo tried to steer the conversation away from _that topic for a while "You must've had a lot to say to each other…"_

"Actually…" Heero began "For the longest time all we did was try to identify each other…"

"You let her know about your amnesia?!" Wufei yelped "Did you hear nothing of our warnings earlier?!"

"No no no! Calm down guys! I didn't mention anything about that…but the thing is…she kept telling me who I was…"

"Huh?!"

"Like, she would sort of sit and stare at me, saying 'Heero' or 'O-Heero' to me in this really…serene tone, and she kept doing it over and over until it got kinda funny…" 

"Yeah…that sounds like her, she always seemed to like to say your name a lot whenever she sees you…" said Duo.

"Why does she do that anyway?"

"What? Say your name?'

"Yeah!"

Duo shrugged "Beats me, I never got it, maybe it's good for speech therapy or something…" 

"Well, besides the 'O' bit, she says it really weird…I mean, it got stretched into like, seventeen syllables or something, it was actually rather amazing…"

 "So what did _you do while she sat there repeating your name?"_

"Well I wasn't sure exactly how I should respond, so I decided to say her name to her"

"What?!" Wufei shouted in disbelief "So you two spent nearly more than twelve hours there telling each other who they were?!"

"We didn't do that for the _whole day!" said Heero "This was only in the beginning, during that little car ride…it was weird…every time I said her name she'd get really excited for some odd reason…"_

"Excited?"

"Yeah! She kinda gets this gleam in her eyes and she'd sort of give this little sigh" Heero tried to imitate "I don't really get why though…"

"Maybe she's got an identity crisis and needs to be reminded over and over again who she is…and with each reminder she feels like she's born anew…"

"Wufei!" Quatre cut in "That's not true!"

"Whatever" Wufei dismissed the remark.

"Anyway…" Heero continued "Each time she says my name her voice seems to get a little more high pitched, if we didn't stop to get out when we did, she probably could've crack the glass of the limo windows"

"Sounds like you guys had a real blast" Duo commented sarcastically.

"Yup, sure we did" Heero made his way over to the couch and flopped down on it "She asked me out to dinner tomorrow evening…"

"What!?" Duo cried "You're going out with her again?!"

 "Well I couldn't really say no…I mean she's got the whole 'I am royalty' thing going on…kinda hard to turn down you know?"

"I guess…" Duo sulked.

 "I don't get it" Wufei shook his head "Why the heck do you even _want to hang out with her so much anyway?!"_

"She's cute…" Heero shrugged "And besides, you guys said don't be too obvious about this…change I've gone through, so wouldn't she find it kinda suspicious if I don't talk to her anymore?"

Trowa almost laughed at the irony "Heero, you never used to talk to her"

"I didn't?!" 

"Well…maybe you told her you were gonna kill her a couple of times…"

"Oh yeah! That was another thing!" Heero exclaimed "She kept saying something about me killing her…it sounded really confusing so I kinda tuned out…what's _that about anyway?!"_

"Long story…" said Trowa "Tell you another day…"

"Hmm…it was really bizarre… made me sound like an assassin or something"

"You have _no idea…" _

"So do you have any other dates planned?" Duo asked with a hint of jealousy in his voice "With the queen I mean?"

Heero failed to pick up that hint "Nah…" He stood up and stretched "Man! I'm beat! Hanging out with her is exhausting! She's got more energy going there than Duo does! 'Night guys!"

The others watched him disappear into Duo's room.

"Hmm…is this a good thing, or a bad thing?" Quatre looked up at Trowa "I mean, it's good that he's getting along well with Relena right? But then…maybe it's not so good…what if she finds out and…"

"That's not the only thing to worry about" Wufei interrupted "I can almost bet tomorrow night's not gonna be the last of their little encounters"

"What do you mean?!" Duo demanded.

"Think about it, Heero's actually being nice to her, and I don't mean polite passerby kind of niceness…he thought she was an old friend or something, so you can imagine how he would've treated her this afternoon…ugh…_plus he's going out with her tomorrow night…Sheesh! They're practically __dating man! You think she's not gonna take up follow-ups to that one?!"_

"But…but…" Duo stuttered, what he wanted to say was "Heero's taken" but felt a bit awkward in proclaiming something like that, despite the fact it was really common knowledge by then anyway.

"Shouldn't matter too much…" Duo tried to be open-minded about it "So she wants to spend time with him, so he thinks she's cute…so they have a little fun together, nothing wrong with all that…"

"No…Unless…" Trowa gazed at Duo's face "Unless he really starts liking her…"

"He can like her…what's up with that? Quatre likes her…"

"Duo you know that's not what I'm saying" Trowa said steadily "You know how she feels for him…what would you do if he felt the same way about her?"

Duo swallowed, he didn't want to think about that "He wouldn't…I know he wouldn't…they're just friends…"

"Let's hope it stays that way"

Duo met Trowa's eyes, he knew what his friend was trying to imply and warn him against, but what could he do? He couldn't stop Heero from seeing Relena if that's what he wanted to do, he shouldn't be so possessive…

"Nah…nothing will happen…" He decided as he retreated to his room "I'm sure it'll all be fine…I can trust Heero…"

"Right…?"

                  *                                  *                                  *

That dream…

That same dream…the running, the fire, the burning, the pain…that feeling of helplessness and endlessness, the panicked sensation of entrapment…

"Help me!" Heero cried as he jolted up in bed, covered in cold sweat and panting wildly, his eyes searched frantically around the darkened room "Help me! Duo!"

"I'm here Heero!" The familiar voice sounded beside him, and a light was flicked on "What is it? What's wrong?!" Duo asked desperately as he held Heero's shoulders "Heero? What is it?!"

"I don't know!" Heero threw his arms around Duo's neck "I don't know!" He sobbed as if he was a child "I keep having this nightmare…"

"That same nightmare?" Duo asked, patting him gently, Heero had mentioned it to him before, but it hadn't occurred for a long time, and his reactions to it were never this bad "The one where you were running?"

Heero nodded and sniffed "I don't know what it's trying to tell me! It has to mean something! Or else why would it keep coming back to haunt me?! Why?! Why?! Why?!"

"Heero…" Duo didn't know what to say, it was a situation he had never pictured before.

"Why?!" He repeated "Every time I try and move on in my life and not be affected by my amnesia this dream would come back…_every time! I don't get it! Why?!"_

Duo closed his eyes "I knew this was going to hard on him…I just never thought it'd come to this…"

Perhaps it was the re-meeting with Relena, perhaps every time a figure from his past came into his present, something inside his mind would be triggered and then the dream…

Fire…flames…burning…pain…

Duo was sure this was a scene Heero had encountered sometime during the war, possibly more than once, possibly on a regular basis, he couldn't be sure, and now, such a scene terrified him, made him weep like a little baby, Duo's heart clenched "Heero…"

"I'm so lost Duo…" Heero whispered on his shoulder "Sometimes I feel so perfectly normal…like there's nothing wrong with me, I feel like I really belong…"

"You do belong Heero…" Duo soothed.

"But then at other times…I just get so confused and frustrated, I mean, I _want to know who I was, I __want to remember…but then every time there's even a hint of my past revealed to me I'd have nightmares…then I'd be lost all over again…"_

Duo felt his arms tighten around him, they were trembling.

"What am I going to do Duo? I can't take this type of rollercoaster ride any longer…who knows when the next time would be…I hate that! I hate it!!"

"I know…" Duo held the boy closer to himself "I can imagine how you feel…but you're going to get through this Heero, I promise! You have me, remember?"

"Yes…"

"Whenever you feel frightened, or lost, or angry or hurt or anything…you can always come to me, I'll be here for you; you don't have to take this on your own…"

"But…I'm so unsure of everything…how can I be sure that you'll be there…"

Duo tipped Heero's chin up and his startling cobalt eyes pierced straight into Heero's heart.

"Don't _ever doubt that…that's one thing you can trust…always" _

Without further hesitation, he closed the last few inches between their faces, and kissed Heero on the lips. 

Soft…slow…yet passionate…

Heero's breathing slowed, and his body relaxed.

_Comfort…safety…trust…_

He felt himself being placed softly back upon his pillow, and Duo's hands stroking across his cheeks and forehead.

"I love you Duo…" He whispered, his eyes closed tranquilly "I love you so much…"

Duo watched Heero as he started to drift off at last, holding on to those last few uttered words. He held one of Heero's hands and brought his fingers up to his lips, brushing against them softly…

_And I won't doubt you Heero…no matter what anyone else may think…I know I can trust you, I know you feel towards me the way I do you…_

He gazed towards the window, outside, the moon shone bright.

_Please…He prayed in his heart…__Let him get well soon…_


	13. Enter Relena: Part three

**CHAPTER TWELVE**

Rain…

Heero was woken the following morning by the sound of light raindrops on the bedroom window. He remained lying still on the bed as he listened intently at the pitter of the soft drizzle blended somewhat melodically with the sound of Duo's breathing next to him.

He recalled his ordeal the night before, and shuddered slightly, but the painful recollection was quickly pushed out of his head as the memory of Duo's comforting gestures came through. He lifted a hand to his lips as if he was trying to feel the lingering sensation of that last kiss. He sighed blissfully and turned to the figure beside him.

_Duo…Duo…Duo…_

Duo's back was facing him, Heero propped himself up on one arm and leant over the sleeping figure to get a glimpse of his face.

His eyes were closed, but his lashes fluttered ever so vaguely, indicating perhaps a not-so-restful sleep, his mouth was slightly open, and his hair, for once out of that braid, fell in a wavy pool around his face.

For a long time, all Heero could do was gaze upon that face in fascination and run his fingers gently through the long brown locks. Finally, he succumbed to the urge that had been building and leant down quickly to plant a kiss on Duo's earlobe.

Upon contact, Duo's shoulder twitched, sending a rush of excitement through Heero's nerves system, he grinned, licked his lips and was about to go for it again when a different impulse hit him, instead of kissing him again, Heero blew softly into Duo's ear.

"Mmmm…" Duo moaned and twitched again, his eyes squirmed for a moment but they remained shut.

Heero held back the inclination to laugh, and, leaning even closer, he blew again.

"Whoaaaaa……!!!"

He didn't know how it happened, but suddenly Heero found himself sprawled out flat on his back, with Duo leaning over him, his hair falling in a rippling cascade around Heero's face.

"Darest thou challenge the great Shinigami to Blowing-in-the-ear?" Duo growled as he bent over Heero "For that Thou shalt endure the consequences!!!"

"Duo!" Heero gasped "I…I thought…"

"You thought I was asleep?" Duo grinned teasingly.

"Err…well…" Heero blushed with embarrassment at being caught "Something along those lines I guess…"

"Well you must hence take the punishment I have in stall for such actions!" Duo announced dramatically "Prepare yourself Heero Yuy!"

"And what may they be? Oh great Maxwell?"

Duo drew closer and whispered "Let me show you…"

                  *                                  *                                  *

Quatre sat solemnly at the breakfast table, poking at his breakfast, somehow he just had no appetite this morning. His behavior didn't go unnoticed by Trowa.

"What's wrong Quatre?" 

"Hmm?" He glanced up, and sighed softly, pushing his plate aside "I'm worried"

Trowa frowned "Still?"

"Yeah" Quatre nodded "I can't stop thinking about what you said last night, about Heero and Relena and everything…I mean…" He searched for a way to word it "I'm a bit concerned for Duo, I guess…"

Trowa took a seat beside him "Why are you always like this?" He asked, touching Quatre's cheek with adoration "You worry about everyone's problems but your own"

"I don't have anything to worry about for myself, not right now" Quatre leaned towards Trowa "But it's taken so long for Heero and Duo to get this…relationship underway and sorted out, I'd hate to see anything that might break it apart…"

"Duo's not worried" Trowa reminded him "Then there's no reason you should be"

"Even if he was worried he wouldn't show it, you know that"

"He trusts Heero, and that's all that matters"

"Perhaps that's how it is right now…but…" Quatre started to protest "Oh, I don't know, Heero has amnesia, Relena doesn't know it, and she doesn't know what's happening between them…everything's just so…_unstable…"_

"Does that mean…" Trowa held Quatre's shoulders and turned him so he was facing him "…that if it was us in that situation you wouldn't trust my heart to stay true to you?"

"Trowa!" Quatre exclaimed, alarmed "You know I trust you, under any circumstances!"

"Even with amnesia? Even if there was a chance that I may not know who you are the next day?"

"I know you will return to me someday" Quatre placed an arm around Trowa's neck and pulled him closer "I know you will…"

Trowa smiled and pressed his forehead against that of the smaller boy "I'm sure that's how Duo feels about Heero now, and with equal certainty, you don't have to worry about either of them getting hurt, whatever the situation is"

"Trowa…" Quatre wasn't entirely convinced, but he didn't want to protest any further, not when Trowa seemed just about to…

_Yes…his lips were drawing near, Quatre closed his eyes and waited with anticipation._

"Already!? It's not even seven-thirty!"

The two lovebirds spurng apart in shock, as absorbed as they were in each other's company they had failed to notice the entrance of Wufei.

"Ahem…" Trowa coughed, and stood up "How…how long have you been there?"

"Just long enough to catch the important moment" Wufei replied as he brushed past "Sorry to break this atmosphere, but if I don't get some food into my system I may fall into some kind of coma and I assure you that wouldn't be pretty, besides…" He added, nodding towards the clock "It _is only seven twenty-five, you guys should save the energy for later"_

Quatre blushed; Trowa suddenly became extremely interested in a loose hinge on one of the cupboards.

"Well anyway, I heard you guys mention Duo and Heero's little dilemma" Wufei went on as he sat down with his food "Personally I think we should order Heero to stop seeing that girl after tonight"

"Come on, you know we can't order him to do anything, it's not right" Quatre resumed in poking at his plate "It's only been two dates, including tonight, how much could possibly happen?"

"She took over the world practically overnight" Wufei picked up a slice of toast and examined it before taking a bite "Don't expect it'll take too long for her to take over Heero"

Trowa sighed "Wufei, stop it, I only just got Quatre to come out of the worry-mode, don't put him back into it…"

"Hey I'm sure you'd have a great time un-worrying him" Wufei smirked "You should appreciate the opportunity"

Trowa lifted his eyebrows, since when did Wufei tease? "Have you been hanging around Duo lately?"

"You know exactly who's been hanging around Duo lately" Wufei replied with a slightly sour tone "Ugh! I don't want to be around tonight while he's in his little wound-up-fretting mood, once was more than enough for me" 

"Wufei…" Quatre started to say something, but was interrupted by…

THUMP!!

The three of them glanced simultaneously at the direction of the sound.

Duo's bedroom.

"Man, what's with today?" Wufei shook his head "Everyone's going in for it early!"

                              *                                  *                                  *

Duo grumbled as he struggled to climb off Heero, who was giggling helplessly form beneath him. He wasn't sure how it came to be, but one minute they were on the bed, the next minute they were practically underneath it.

"So much for that" He muttered as he helped Heero back on to his legs "What a way to kill the mood"

"What was that?" asked Heero.

Duo sighed "Nothing…" As funny as the incident may have seemed to Heero, it was slightly disappointing for him. He glanced at the mirror that hung on one of the walls, and groaned at his own reflection.

"Oh man! I look like one of Trowa's lions!" He ran his hand through his hair a few times, only succeeding in giving it the back-brushed look "That's the last time I sleep with it out…what was I _thinking anyway?!"_

 "You make a very pretty lion" Heero commented as he pulled Duo over to the window and sat him down.

"What are you doing?"

"Grooming my lion of course" Heero grinned down at him. He somehow managed to locate a comb among the clutter on Duo's desk, and proceeded to run it through the long locks.

Duo sat in wonder. Heero Yuy was playing hairdresser…this promises to be an interesting experience indeed…

He gazed out the window, lost in thought, at length, he sighed.

"What is it?" Heero's hand stopped in mid-motion.

"The rain…" Duo pointed "It just made me think …"

Heero resumed his combing, listening intently.

"It makes me feel as if the world is crying…and in the midst of this war and everything…" He sighed again "Someone once told me that the raindrops are tears from the heavens, the heavens are crying because of the lack of justice in this world…"

"At least…" said Heero "If it seems like the world is in tears, then if you're in the rain, no one would be able to tell if you're crying"

Duo craned his neck to look at him "I hope you never have a reason to cry"

Heero smiled "Not as long as I have you" He placed the comb back onto the table and started to braid Duo's hair.

"Hey I have an idea!" Duo suddenly exclaimed "Why don't we go to the cliffs again?"

"In this weather?" Heero asked disbelievingly "The others'll think you're crazy!"

"So what else is new?" Duo didn't seem to care "Besides, they don't have to go with us, I was thinking just you and me!"

"Oh…" It sounded awfully tempting "Why today in particular?"

"It's this weather!" Duo explained "The last time we were there it was still winter, and it was a clear day. Now it's spring, and that place takes on a whole new look in the change of seasons…and this hazy drizzle…" He gestured "Trust me, it puts in a totally different atmosphere, it's wonderful, really!"

Heero drew a breath, the idea was alluring enough. A day with Duo all to himself in such an environment as just described…

"I guess we could…" He started, but then suddenly remembered "Oh hang on…wait …I can't…"

"You _can't?!" Duo cried with disappointment "Why not?!"_

"I…have to go out with Relena tonight…remember?"

"But…that's only at night, you still have the rest of the day!" Duo protested.

"She…she said that she'll be picking me up around mid-morning…" Heero twisted a strand of Duo's hair between his fingers nervously, feeling as if he was confessing to a terrible crime "We're…going somewhere I think…"

"What?! Where?!" 

"I…don't know…" 

Duo crossed his arms and sulked, the look of disappointment unmistakably plastered on his face, magnifying Heero's feeling of guilt.

"Come on…it's just this once…there'll be other rainy days…" He tried "And…and… I'll bring you back a present! How about that?" 

Part of Duo wanted to laugh at that, Heero trying to bribe him out of been angry, not something he himself hasn't tried before. 

He sighed as Heero wound an elastic band around the tip of his braid, what was the use? It's nearly impossible to stay mad at that guy anyway.

                  *                                  *                                  *

That night…

"Trowa…?

"Yes Duo?"

"What time is it?"

"Exactly one minute since the last time you asked that, it's eleven fifty-three"

"Oh man…" Duo slouched back in his chair "Seven more minutes to go and I'll be greeting Heero good morning when he gets back! What on Earth could he be doing?"

"Considering her idea of a 'walk' is twelve hours" Wufei put in "I don't really want to know how long a 'dinner date' would last by her standards"

Duo stood up and paced around the living room.

"Oh great, not this again" Wufei groaned "Duo, distract yourself okay? Go to bed or something!"

"Bed? But Heero's not…I mean…" He hastily bit back his tongue "I'll wait till midnight, then…I'll go take a shower to freshen up…"

"Freshen up at midnight?" Quatre looked up "What the…"

"So I can keep waiting without turning into a total vegetable" Duo retorted.

The four of them waited in silence, casting occasional glances at the wall clock. Finally, it reached midnight.

"Okay, that's it! Clock's struck twelve, Cinderella's still not back from the ball so I'm gonna go and…do my thing…"

The others blinked after him for a moment, then turned to face one another.

"It's starting, isn't it?" Wufei began "I just knew this would happen"

Trowa shook his head and sighed "I didn't think it'd happen so quickly…I mean, they've only been out on _one date…if you wanna call it that…I didn't think it'd directly lead to…this…"_

"Yeah well…"

"Seriously though, what do you think they _are doing?"_

"Isn't it obvious?" Wufei rolled his eyes with a disgusted expression "They went out for dinner, she probably got him drunk, it's past midnight…I think we all know what they're _doing"_

"Wufei!"

"Well you asked for _my opinion" Wufei glared at Trowa "Do you have any other suggestions?"_

"I…" Trowa backed up a little, he didn't believe for a second Heero would all of a sudden go that far with a girl he didn't remember, nor did he think that he would betray Duo like that, but then again…

An image popped into Trowa's mind…a rather disturbing scene that he had hoped never to witness again.

Heero…in Catherine's pink and purple performance outfit, draped over Duo's arm, blind drunk.

"He…does have the tendency to get tipsy easily…heh?" He shuddered.

"…"

Trowa sighed "Quatre, what do you think?" He turned in his direction "Quatre…?"

The blond boy didn't reply, he had long since fallen asleep on the couch.

"Told you you shouldn't have used up all your energy in the morning, now look at him, how do you plan to pass away the rest of the night now?" Wufei grinned devilishly at Trowa.

 "I…"

Before Trowa could respond, the front door was opened and Heero entered the building.

"Hey" Trowa greeted him, relieved to have a distraction from Wufei's comments "Didn't hear you guys pull up"

"Relena wanted to take a walk…" Heero replied as he sat down beside the sleeping Quatre, which did nothing to wake him up "Umm…guys…can I ask you something?"

"What is it?"

"Okay, I know you guys said I never really talked to her before…but, like, are you sure about that? I mean…like…maybe you guys were just never sure of it? Or did I do things without any of you knowing…or…" He couldn't stop stuttering.

"What kind of things?" Wufei frowned.

"Oh well, like…were we…I mean, me and…Relena…were we ever…_involved?"_

"Involved? What the…?"

"Like, were we ever a couple? Or did we go out or anything like that…or…or…" He wrung his hands in frustration "I don't know! Anything?!

"Arr…" Trowa glanced at Wufei, he had no idea what to make of the question.

"You and her?" Wufei sneered "In her dreams maybe…"

"But…but…" Heero tried to argue "She's so…nice to me and everything, too nice, that's what's freaking me out, she acts like…well, I'm starting to think I must've…been _with her…at some point…"_

"Did she tell you that?"

"No…I'm just guessing here…" Heero sighed "But really, tell me…what was my relationship with her like before anyway?"

"In brief" Wufei replied "You threatened to kill her and she stalked you…"

"Oh come on" Trowa interrupted "She only stal…followed him three times or something…"

Wufei glared at Trowa disbelievingly "She followed him to _Antarctica! Don't you think that's taking an obsession just a __little to the extreme?!"_

"Uh…guys?" Heero spoke up again "Can we get back to this?"

"Trust me Heero" said Wufei "You two were never…together, I don't know how she ever saw it, but from our point of view you guys were never an item" 

"But then…why is she so…_nice? Does she have a thing for me?"_

"She sure seems to like you, that much is definitely true" Trowa confirmed "But that doesn't mean anything…Unless…"

"Unless…?"

Trowa looked him straight in the eyes "Heero…" He began in a serious voice "Do _you like __her?"_

"Huh?" Heero was taken aback "I…guess, I mean, yeah…I think so, but, she was freaking me out tonight, getting really close and all that, a little _too friendly perhaps…it was all so…__intimidating…"_

"So you like her, just not in the 'involved' sense?"

Heero shrugged helplessly "I…guess, what other ways are there?"

"As long as you're sure about that part, don't worry about anything else, okay? Just make it clear to her you want to stay as her friend, and she'll drop this attitude" Trowa reached over and patted his shoulder "Now, why don't you go and get some rest? It's really late…or early…whatever…besides, Duo's been a frantic wreck worrying about your whereabouts, go and calm him down okay?"

"Oh yeah!" The look of anxiety disappeared from Heero's face as it lit up in a smile "I promised him a present! I'll go and give it to him now, that'll make him happy! Right?" He stood up and happily bounded down the hall.

"Well it doesn't take much for him to stop worrying does it?" Wufei commented to Trowa "Anyway, now that everyone's accounted for, I'm going to bed too, see you tomorrow…or later today…" He stood up and yawned "Goodnight" Before making his way back to his own room.

"Hmmm…" Trowa gazed at Quatre, still dozing off soundly, lightly clutching a cushion "I wonder…"

He went over and knelt down beside the sleeping figure "Hey…Quatre…" He shook him gently "Quatre…time to go to bed now…Quatre!"

"Mmmmhmmmph…." The boy groaned and hugged his cushion tighter.

"Come on Quatre!" He shook a little harder.

"I don't have any mouthwash left Trowa…can I use yours?" came the mumbled response.

Trowa stood up and sighed "Perhaps I should just get him a blanket and let him sleep out here…or _maybe…" A thought entered his mind, and he grinned "Why not?_

With one swift scoop he picked up the boy in his arms, allowing Quatre's head to rest against his shoulder.

"Score one for me!" Trowa whispered as he carried his catch of the day back to his room.

                                    *                                  *                                  *

By the time Duo had returned to his room, Heero had already made himself cozy on the bed.

"Heero!" Duo was caught off guard "When did you get back?"

"Just a while ago" Heero replied "Come here! I wanna show you something!"

Duo sat down on the edge of the bed and looked at him suspiciously "What is this?"

"Close your eyes"

"What the…"

"Just do it!"

"But why…"

"I promised you a gift remember? Come on! Cooperate!"

Duo sighed, and did as he was told. But instead of having something shoved into his hand as he was expecting, he suddenly felt Heero nuzzling against his neck.

"Whoa…" His eyes opened in shock "Heero! What's with this sudden…"

"I missed you!" Heero continued to playfully nibble at his neckline "It's been a long day!"

"Yeah…it has…"Duo murmured wistfully "So, what, was that the present?"

Heero laughed "Actually no, it's this…" He reached over to one of the bed side stands and picked up a box "I saw it and it so totally made me think of you so I just _had to get it!" He opened it and showed Duo its contents "Tell me you like it!"_

It was a large, silver cross, plain and smooth, hanging from a sturdy looking metal chain.

"It's…" Duo reached out and touched the pendant "It's beautiful Heero…"

"I thought it just went with your priest getup, I mean…" He shrugged "It reminded me of you so…now you have something to remind you of me by!"

_You think I need reminders to think about you Heero?_

"Thank you…I'll treasure it…" And he meant it.

Heero grinned, he reached into the box, picked up the piece of jewelry and hung it around Duo's neck, the cross dangled in front of his chest.

"See? I knew it! It suits you so well!"

Duo fingered the cross "You think so…?" He had wanted to ask about Heero's activities for the day, to find any details which may have been the lacking, but at that moment, he lost any urge to interrogate him, he just wanted to…

 "Heero…" He leaned forward and cupped his face in his own hands "Don't go leaving me again for so long…I missed you…"

Heero nodded repeatedly "Same here…I mean Relena's great and all, but I miss spending time with you…"

_Relena…_

That name brought upon a jolt in Duo's heart, but it hardly got a chance to do any damage, Heero had started to pull him down onto the bed.

"Come on Duo, we have a lot of catching up to do!"

Duo leant forwards; he could feel the warmth of Heero's body beneath his own.

_You're so real, you're here…yet, why is it I feel this is all so unrealistic? Like this whole thing may just be an illusion? He gripped one of Heero's arms. __I don't want to seem like I don't know what's happening Heero, I know you rely on me to know…but sometimes I wonder, how long will this last? You promised you'd feel this way forever…but then…_

_How long is this forever__ anyway?_

_Heero…?_


	14. Mystified: Part one

**CHAPTER THIRTEEN**

Mere hoping and wishful thinking are never enough to avert the inevitable. As Trowa had foreseen, as Wufei had dreaded, it didn't take long for Relena's presence in the household, as well as her outings with Heero, to become an almost daily routine.

"You know I had wanted do so many things once spring started" Whined Duo to Wufei one day when Heero was, again, accompanying Relena to some place she never bothered to mention to the others "After all this time…you'd think I'd be a _little higher on his priorities list by now! And look at me! Stuck at home when he's out heaven knows where with a girl who's probably designing her own wedding gown!"_

Wufei shot him a look "You know, you _can put a stop to all that…"_

"Huh?" Duo blinked.

"These little _trips Heero's taking with Relena, you can tell him to stop it"_

Duo merely sneered.

 "It wouldn't do any good"

"How can you be so sure?" Wufei was getting annoyed at Duo's attitude "Have you even tried?"

"Look" Duo reasoned "If he wanted to stop spending time with her he'd have started turning down her invitations by now, I shouldn't have to personally forbid him from doing it"

"I think he actually feels intimidated by her…"

"Heero?! Intimidated?!" That sounded like pure nonsense to Duo "Get real!"

"Have you actually asked him how he feels about going out with her?"

Duo shook his head "No we never discuss his _dates with her…"_

"What? How's that possible?" Wufei didn't believe it "Don't you care?"

"The subject just never comes up that's all"

"But how…" 

"It's not exactly something I enjoy talking about okay?" Duo snapped "Like I really want to know the details of what she said or did or how she looked or…smelled…whatever! I don't care okay?"

Wufei sighed, it was useless trying to get through that baka's head. He may have been one of the best mobile suit pilots that existed but it seems he knew nothing of how to fight in the war of love.

_And I wonder if I'm even the right person to instruct him on how in this one…Wufei thought almost sadly__ I know about as little about that subject as he does…_

It wasn't often Wufei let himself be troubled over things like that, it wasn't that he finds the idea of love unappealing, but the fact he didn't think he would find a Wufei-in-love actually _appealing, after witnessing how love has transformed the personalities of Trowa, Quatre and now Duo (Heero too, but then his transformation came about a different cause), Wufei couldn't help but sometimes feel that he's the only one left with any sense in the household._

Although… 

There was a time when he had nearly given in to the temptation of partnership, with perhaps the least likely person anyone would've imagined him desiring…Secretly, he too had pined for such company, silently, he too had experienced the pain…But it was never meant to be…some things were just not destined to happen, and he could only push aside his own emotions and remain as the bystander…

But now…his feelings weren't the problem on hand. Wufei tossed a sideways glance at Duo, who was slouching next to him on the floor, sulking, and he sighed. This just wasn't normal, Duo going around moping and groaning was not _natural._

"Listen to me okay?" He tried again "Heero…when he first started going out with her he didn't really know what she wanted, he thought she was…an old friend or something of the kind…that was why he kept on accepting her invitations…"

Duo looked up briefly, that was nothing he didn't already know.

"And now…I still don't think he really knows what her purpose is, but he feels…well, almost _obliged to keep…accompanying her, he's probably finding it hard to turn her down…"_

_Heaven knows why…Wufei added silently before continuing "So if you tell him not to do it anymore, he'll have a reason to turn her down…"_

"How do you reckon she'd react to that?" Duo asked sarcastically "I hardly think she'll be like 'Oh Heero, I understand that you're letting Duo run your life, I'm perfectly happy about that, well, I will stop coming to you now, ciao!'"

Duo slumped down further against the couch, half of his body disappearing underneath the coffee table "It's just not in my realm of control"

Wufei rolled his eyes; this obviously wasn't going to work.

"There is another way…although it takes action that's a lot more drastic…"

"Hmm?"  Duo tilted his head back "What is it?"

"If Heero got his memory back, he'd discontinue this situation right away…"

"Hah!" Duo snorted "That should be easy, we can just go up to him and go 'Heero, get your memory back so Relena would quit bugging you'" He shook his head sadly "Come on Wufei, it's not like we haven't go through all that…we've done everything we could possibly do…"

"There is one thing we haven't tried…" Wufei said slowly.

"What?"

Wufei didn't reply the question, he just sat there staring at his own hands.

"What is it Wufei?" Duo asked again.

"I think you know…"

"I do?" Duo squinted one eye as he thought "Hmm…Omigod!" He pulled himself out from under the coffee table as the notion came to him "You don't mean…" His voice hushed to a whisper as he uttered "…The Zero system?!"

Wufei nodded solemnly "It's got the highest chance of success"

"It's also got the highest level of risk!" Duo exclaimed "You've got to be joking here! He'd never be able to handle that freaky thing the way he is now, I don't care how good he was before!"

"I didn't say he had to handle it" Wufei replied "I only meant that it's a backup plan if all else fails…it's worked once before…"

"Yeah I know, on Trowa" Duo cut in impatiently "After he nearly blew up a colony…not to mention almost killing himself in the process"

Wufei threw up his hands in exasperation and leant back onto the couch "That's the only way I can see to do it okay? You don't want to risk the danger of forcing his memories back yet you wouldn't take it upon yourself to stop his going out with the girl!"

"You don't understand" Duo said as he started to chew at the end of his braid "Heero's not in a normal state right now, no matter how much I want to try and make it seem so…he's not in a…_sensible, if you want to put it that way, state of mind. If I influence his decisions…well, it wouldn't be fair! When he gets his memory back…and I'm sure he will, it's just a matter of time…I don't want him to feel like I've taken advantage of him…"_

"Taken advantage of?" Wufei sputtered "_HELLO! You'd be doing him a huge favor here you know! There's nothing wrong with that!"_

"He may not see it that way…" said Duo stubbornly "He would feel that I intervened and made his choice for him, that I didn't give him the chance to choose his ways…"

"I give up on this!" exclaimed Wufei "It's obvious you're a hopeless case, with that kind of attitude! The way you put it, it's like a lose-lose situation! You tell him to stop seeing her, and you're afraid that that's gonna make you lose him, but if you don't say anything…well, you've already lost him!"

Duo sighed "If I was the one he wanted, he'll come back to me…no matter how much persistence Relena puts up…he'll…find out that…" Duo struggled to get the words out; he didn't have much faith in what he was saying "…that…he belongs with…with me…" He finished off in a voice no louder than a whisper.

Wufei gazed down at him, still sitting in a crumpled heap on the floor. He couldn't help but feel sorry for this foolish baka…how much trust has bestowed on his lover! He didn't deserve suffer like this…

"You know…" Duo spoke up again, his voice sounded weak and fatigued "Sometimes I feel like this whole thing…what I have with Heero…I feel like it's all just an illusion, like it'll never last…Heero…at times I don't even know what to think, what to feel…I keep telling myself that, _this is Heero now, __this is what he's like…yet I know it's only a fragile image, a bubble that may burst at any time…do you know what I mean?"_

Wufei, who had been listening in silence, nodded solemnly.

"And...I don't want it to end…I want Heero to get his memory back, I really do! I know it's only right, and that it's almost essential to completing our mission…but…I don't think I'll be able to take it if he suddenly reverted back to been all cold and indifferent towards me…it didn't matter before, but it does now…so much…" His voice started to shake, and he swallowed hard before continuing "I don't want him to resent me for anything I did during his period of amnesia, I don't want him to resent me! If I don't let him make his own choices now…he _will resent me…and…and…I don't want that! I really don't…"_

His voice grew softer and he turned to the window, gazing out.

"Even when he has remembered his own identity…

…I want him to still keep loving me…"

                              *                                  *                                  *

_It wasn't meant to happen this way…_

Alone, Heero stood at a window in the grand thirty-fifth level dining hall which Relena had taken him to. He wasn't sure where she had gone, much less why she had gone. Considering her status, he had assumed she had retreated to change into something more formal.

He sighed, staring at his own reflection blankly.

_How did I get so dragged into these things anyway? It started out perfectly natural…a couple of dates, a few outings…then things got more and more formal and proper…_

_It's scary…_

The view from that window at night was absolutely magnificent. The city skylines were lit up in beautiful splashes of neon lighting. It made the world look so intensely full of life.

But Heero hardly paid any attention to what was beyond the glass panes. He felt lost and out of place in that huge room. The splendor of his surroundings made him feel like an intruder in an alien environment, if it wasn't for the sake of Relena, he would've made an escape out of there ages ago.

_I never thought this was going to be how I'd spend the spring days…I had so much planned with Duo…we were going to do so many things…weren't we? How come I'm here? This just feels…wrong…_

He frowned at his reflection.

_Relena…_

He couldn't shake the name.

_What's with her anyway…?_

He may have lost his memory, but he still has his instincts. Heero wasn't ignorant to the devotion Relena had towards him, he could see that her affection for him was absolute, yet, that in itself was a cause for dilemma on his part. He knew the pain of unrequited love. It didn't matter how he interpreted his infatuation with Trowa now, back then, it _did hurt…to want something you can't have…and he didn't want to put Relena through that kind of heartache._

_It's unforgivable to hurt someone who loves you…_

But then again...

_Duo…_

_What about Duo…?_

He turned away from the window and leant against the pane, still lost in thought.

He hasn't had much time to talk to him lately…what with all these occasions he had to attend, but somehow he got the feeling Duo didn't really care where he went or what he did. Most nights when he got home, Duo was either already asleep, or getting ready to, and he never wanted to hear the details of Heero's evening. Several times Heero had reminded him of all the things they had wanted to do, but it was usually dismissed with:

"What about Relena? Aren't you doing something with her?"

Frustrated as it gets, Heero couldn't do anything about it. He couldn't turn down Relena's invitations, and Duo didn't seem inclined to stop him from going out with her. In fact, he _encouraged it…to the extent of setting up their dates._

_Like tonight…I wasn't even aware it was going to happen…I wasn't there when she called…but then…_

_Why didn't Duo turn her down for me? Doesn't he...want to spend more time with me? Doesn't he miss me?_

Heero hardly knew what to make of Duo's attitude anymore, in the few rare moments they still had together he still seemed his happy, carefree self. He still joked around and teased whoever he could make a victim of…yet something about him had changed in the past weeks since Relena had entered the scene. Heero just couldn't put a finger on what it was exactly…

_Why doesn't he seem to care where I go…? I keep getting the feeling he's pushing me away…why?_

"Sorry to keep you waiting!"

Heero's thoughts were broken at the intrusion of Relena's voice, he looked up.

He had expected to see her in some glamorous evening gown, but she was standing there, still dressed in the white shirt and purple skirt that she had on earlier. He frowned.

"Where did you go?"

"Oh Heero…" She approached him "I have something for you…"

"For _me?" He asked in surprise "What do you mean?"_

She stepped aside and gestured at the servant who stood stiffly behind her. He was holding a complete set of men's evening wear.

"What the…" Heero backed up a step.

"Oh Heero, I know you don't like formalities…but for once, can you do me a favor and put that on? I just know you'll look soooooooo handsome in it!"

"I…" Heero eyed the outfit. Even on the hanger it looked stiff and uncomfortable.

"Please Heero?" Relena begged.

"But…why Relena? If you knew I didn't like this kind of thing why did you make me come?"

"Because it would mean so much to me!" Relena's arm circled around his waist "Tonight is an important night for me…I have that big speech to make…it could make a world of difference to the outcome of the entire human race! So many influential people will be watching me…I need you to be here to give me strength…"

"You do?" Heero asked, feeling stupid all the while.

"Oh Heero…" Relena closed her eyes and laid her head against his chest "You know I do…"

"Well then…I guess…I could…" Heero started to relent.

"Oh Heero!" She cried happily "Thank you so much! You have no idea how much this means to me!" She tiptoed up and planted a kiss on his neck "I love you!"

As Heero followed the servant down the corridors that lead to the change rooms, he placed his hand against the spot where her lips had made contact. How many times has Duo kissed him in that exact same spot? The feeling was not unfamiliar but coming from her it felt so different. 

_Come to think of it, how long has it been since we've actually…_

The distance that had recently come between them had meant that they haven't had a chance to share a moment of intimacy since Heero's giving Duo that cross many weeks earlier. Sure they still slept in the same room but…

_It's not the same anymore…When was the last time he ever said 'I love you' to me?_

_It's like he doesn't even care…_

"Here we are sir" The servant gestured at one of the rooms at the end of the hall "Please summon us if you need anything"

"Thank you" Heero replied monotonously as he entered, the suit draped over his arm. Somehow, it felt very heavy all of a sudden.

                              *                                  *                                  *

"This is partially your own fault you know"

Duo rolled his eyes at Wufei's comment, it wasn't the first time he had made it "Gimme a break here Wufei, I'm having an anxiety attack here…I think I'm gonna get a headache soon…"

"It might help if you stopped hitting your head with your own fists" Wufei offered "You've been doing that for the last few hours!"

"Ugh!" Duo threw himself onto the couch beside Wufei "Quit telling me off okay? Geez, can't you show a little compassion every now and then?"

"Why didn't you turn her down for him?" Wufei ignored Duos' question "It's not like she'd come and kidnap him or something for missing one date"

"Don't make me go through all that again! You know I can't do that!"

Wufei sighed "You're hopeless, you know that? You two are absolutely _hopeless!"_

Duo just moaned "Well what can I do?"

"I don't know, you don't take any of my advice anyway…go find something to distract yourself with, if you keep going around like this you're gonna turn me into a nutcase as well!"

"Distract myself?" Duo considered that for a moment "I know! I'll go take a look at the Gundams…maybe there'll be some developments eh?"

"Good idea" Wufei agreed "Why don't I come with you? I've been wanting to see them too…"

"What, you have something deep and meaningful to discuss with Nataku?" Duo teased.

"Humph!" Wufei glared at him "More meaningful than anything I can get across with you I'll tell you that much!"

                              *                                  *                                  *

Heero peered through his glass at the dark red liquid inside. He sniffed it cautiously, and his nose wrinkled at the strong sweet alcoholic smell it gave off.

"Try it Heero" Relena urged. She lifted her own glass and clinked it against his softly "To us"

_Us…? Heero's brows knotted slightly __What's__ that meant to mean?_

He shrugged, it didn't really matter anyway. He held the glass to his lips and took a sip. The rich taste lingered in his mouth for a long time. It wasn't particularly pleasant, but it had a certain attraction to it. He picked up his glass again and drained it.

"Oh Heero!" Relena exclaimed "Be careful, it's quite strong!"

_Strong? Heero's head was starting to feel lighter already __Strong is good…_

A man in uniform approached Relena and bowed to her "Miss Relena, it's time" He informed her.

"Right, thank you" She replied as she stood up "I will be there in a moment"

Turning back to Heero, she whispered "If it weren't for your been here now, I'd feel so nervous, but your support is all the confidence I need to get me through this…thank you" She pecked his cheek, smiled, and left.

Someone had already refilled his glass with that same crimson substance. He stared down at it vacantly.

_She keeps telling me she needs me…that I'm her source of confidence and support…_

_…_

_But where is mine…?_

He wasn't aware he had done it, but when he looked at his glass again, it was empty.

He held it up and waited for it to be refilled…

                              *                                  *                                  *

Duo followed Wufei up the path that lead to the house, stretching his arms. It was almost midnight by the time they got back. It was strange how they could lose track of time so easily when working with their machines.

"Well that was a lot better than moping around the house all day wasn't it?" Wufei asked as he stopped to open the door "Told you you needed some distraction"

"I guess so…" Duo agreed "Do you think Heero's back yet?"

"No idea" Wufei pushed open the door "Sometimes he doesn't get back 'til…hey!" He exclaimed as he stepped inside "What happened to him?!"

"What?!" Duo shoved Wufei aside as he rushed into the living room. 

Heero was lying across the couch with his head on Trowa's lap, his face flushed and looking as if he was having a bad dream.

"He came home really really drunk, and I haven't been able to get him up since then" Trowa told them "I'm not sure what happened but there must've been a lot of alcohol at that dinner ceremony Relena took him to…"

"Why didn't she do something to stop him?" Wufei demanded.

"I don't think she knew, she was pretty busy there, after all, she was the star"

"Is he okay?" Duo asked, moving towards him tentatively.

"As okay as one can get when they're drunk…he'll probably have a headache in the morning but apart from that I don't' think there's any permanent damage done"

"I'll take over from here" said Duo to Trowa "You guys go and get some rest now, alright?"

The other two pilots left him alone in the room with Heero. He gazed the boy on the couch, his heart filling with affection and that familiar sense of desire. It's been so long since the two of them had a chance to be alone, that is, when he was awake, he wasn't sure what Heero may have thought of it.

"Why did you drink so much anyway?" He whispered as he brushed stray strands of hair away from Heero's eyes "For the perfect soldier I guess they never trained your alcohol tolerance properly eh?"

Heero whimpered softly, and his face seemed to twitch slightly.

"Are you having a bad dream again Heero?" Duo placed a hand on Heero's arm "It'll be alright, I'm right here…"

He recalled those many nights when Heero had woken in the middle of the night, terrified by that same reoccurring nightmare, screaming out Duo's name. And the quiet moments of comforting that followed, with Duo holding him in his arms, kissing his pain away…

He studied that face for a moment…

_Why not…?_

Leaning down, he drew open the front of Heero's shirt and pressed his lips against his chest, then slowly working his way up to his neck and chin.

But instead of calming as he normally did at Duo's kisses, Heero's body seemed to stiffen and he started to struggle as if he was trying to get out of his grasp.

"Heero what's wrong?" Duo stopped in surprise "Are you in pain or….what is it?!"

He was trying to say something, his lips kept moving but it was like the sound was stuck at the back of his throat. Finally, a sound escaped from his lips in a choking whisper, a name…

"Relena…"

Duo froze.

_What?_

He looked at Heero, whose eyes were still closed. He could hardly register what he had just uttered, how could it possibly be that…

"Relena!"

There was no mistaking it; it was her name Heero was crying out. Duo felt as if he had been punched in the stomach, the wind had been completely knocked out of him. He could barely breathe, or think.

_How…___

_How could this be…?_

_Already…___

_It's already her name he's calling out in his sleep? It's now her whom he seeks for comfort and security…what happened to us? What about me? Have I …_

Wufei's words came back to him. _You've already lost him…_

_How could this happen? I've lost him…already? I couldn't have! I can't believe this! I can't…accept this…it can't be happening!_

Heero moaned, and Duo realized he had been clutching his arm so hard his knuckles were turning white. He loosened his grip.

"Relena…"

_Stop it! Duo screamed silently __Stop it Stop it Stop it Stop it Stop it!!!!_

He was going to lose control soon, he could feel it coming on, he had to get out of there before he was driven to doing something drastic, to either Heero or himself.

He forced his limbs to unfreeze, and stood up, knocking over the coffee table in his haste. Feeling as if the world was spinning around him, he stumbled towards his own room. On the way, he crashed against Wufei.

"Whoa…Maxwell! You alright there?!" The Chinese boy asked in alarm at seeing Duo's expression.

"I'm just _FINE!" Duo spat out in Wufei's face before pushing past and shutting himself into his room._

"What the…" Wufei gaped after him, dumbfolded "Wasn't he just with Heero or something…? Does that crash I heard earlier have something to do with this?""

He made his way into the living room. Heero was in exactly the same position as before, expect for a few red marks on his arm. Wufei frowned as he straightened the coffee table.

"Did they have a fight or something…" He couldn't imagine Heero fighting at all in the state he was in "But then again…"

"Please…don't!" 

Wufei looked up, surprised that Heero was speaking. But upon closer inspection he realized he was merely sleep talking.

"Must be having a bad dream…expect that after a date with that woman" Wufei shook his head "Why isn't Duo here…?"

"Stop it…Relena…please stop it!"

_What the…_

Wufei stopped what he was doing.

"I can't…it's just…not right…Relena…sorry but…I can't do this…I…can't…" He trailed off, and was a silent for a second before suddenly blurting out "Duo! Why…why don't you care…? Why…do you keep pushing me away…why…?"

Despite the incoherency, Wufei had an idea of what was going on. Misunderstandings can only lead to such pain, he had always seen it coming, just never managed to get it through Duo's thick thick head.

"What fools they are…dammit!" He cursed "Looks like I'm gonna have to play matchmaker again for these two idiots…" With that he stood up "Just you wait Duo, you big baka! In the morning you're gonna see me rant like you've never seen it before…and I'm warning you now, it's not going to be a painless session"

_To let him out with her, to pretend like he didn't care…well now there! He can see where his vague little assumptions has lead to…How can these people be so false to themselves and expect to stay true? They had the chance…and yet they're doing everything in their power to throw it away…Such weaklings! This behavior makes me sick…!_

_I'm not going to put up with this falseness and tension anymore, once was enough for me, you'd think that after that one they'd see themselves more clearly…_

He shrugged to himself _I've already gotten myself involved in this…may as well go all the way now…_

_Watch out Duo, you're seriously gonna get it; I swear that in the name of Nataku!_

But no one can predict the future, and no one has the power to control it.

When morning did come…things turned out quite differently to what anyone could have anticipated….

**A/N: Anyone out there still following this story? I hope so cos it's getting HARD to write!! ARGH! Severe writers' block here!!! HELP MEEEEEEE!!!!**

*ahem*

Well…that was a change of mood was it not? Heehee…I guess I was feeling a bit depressed so I made everyone depressed…I hope things get better cos I am SERIOUSLY having writers block…I'm sure you people out there all understand how I feel? Ne?

Anyway, just to reassure my dear readers and reviewers (Have I ever mentioned I love you people?^-^) Yes, Heero is gonna get his memory back…but I'm not gonna say when or how, partly because it'll give the plot away and partly because I don't want to disturb anyone…

Oh yeah…it's official, these chapters ARE getting longer as I go on…EEK!

Okay, that's all from me now! Love you!!

Olivia

P.S. Like I've posted many times before…still looking for a name…HELP!

Description: Male character, same age as pilots (although I'm not SURE how old I'm gonna make them since it's an AU fic)

 Looks: Think Quatre, minus the sweet part (how that is possible I'm not sure, but try)

Personality: This attitude-swinging, kinda scary (like Lady-Une I guess…)

Okay la! Thanks for you time and/or effort!


	15. Mystified: Part two

Ta-daaa…I've FINALLY taken it on myself to reply some of the reviews! (Just to let you know I DO appreciate them…Thanks a WHOLE lot!)

**Ryoko-Onee****: I'm SORRY about being so cliché…it is the result of writers block, a mood swing and too much coffee…I am TRYING my best to improve…*Sweatdrop*…I promise!**

**Serafina: Eek! I do not mean to make anyone feel sick to the stomach (or any other part of their body…) I try to limit my Relena bashing as much as possible (To avoid insulting Relena lovers tho heaven knows why they'd read this anyway) Don't worry, she will get what she deserves in due course!**

**Kcgal: Voodoo dolls…now THERE'S A POTENTIAL MARKET!!! Heehee! *muses* now maybe I can start a business…**

**Micro-chick: I kinda had the story planned out before (although writing it DOWN is A LOT harder than I thought) but it is a LITTLE similar to what you suggested, ne? Duo ran away (although Heero was a little out-of-condition to do any chasing) Thanks anyway! Glad you care!**

**Eternal-sleeper: I'm gonna make things a LOT nicer from now on…(or at least I'm hoping…heeheehee) So don't worry!**

**Cob: In the morning…*points down to the fic*…_that happened! Did you like?_**

**Sakura-Yuy: Yeah I know Duo was silly, but I think watching one's koi muttering the name of…HER would be too much for anyone to want to stay around…**

**Elle-FaTe2x1: Didn't need to wait long this time!**

**Keimei: Yay! Nice to know you're still following it! I left that last bit up to people's imagination (the 'rape' and all) and it's kind of like a foreshadow to what's gonna happen later (I won't say just now), glad you still like the story although I realize the humor's kinda gone out of it, I wasn't even intending to do humor you know? I'm more an angsty person…but glad you liked it!**

**Diane: Thanks for reviewing! You're so thoughtful and deep! And I am determined to get Duo on your good side again soon! (Unless he kills her eh…hmm…now _there's an idea…"_**

**Rez: I'm just happy you enjoyed it! Makes efforts worthwhile!**

**Relwarc: So did you like the little ranting session? (Maybe I should've made it longer but then I thought Duo has suffered enough without Wufei bruising him more…)**

**TerraHarpel: Nononono…I don't mean disturb in THAT kind of way! Don't worry, no one shall die in my fic (for once) and I am SO against Heero with Relena that you don't need to worry about that either! Be happy!**

**LB: Whew! Good to know my standards haven't fallen…yet (gulp) Anyway, I've become more efficient ne? (Although my eyes are going crazy…and I need time AWAY from this computer…I need a life...). And if my chapters still keep getting longer…well…let's just say EEK!!**

Now…lets proceed shall we? ^-^

**CHAPTER FOURTEEN**

_This feels like a bad dream…_

Alone in the darkness Duo lay, his trembling hands clutching desperately at his bed sheets. His pulse was racing and he felt as if there was a giant weight on his chest restricting his breathing. An anguished cry was building in his throat and threatened to escape, as an effort to keep it in, he bit down on his lips until his mouth filled with the nauseating taste of blood.

_I should've listened! I shouldn't have given a damn to what may happen after Heero got his memory back! I shouldn't have taken the risk! Heero! How could you be so fickle? You of all people! I trusted you! You betrayed me! How can you be taken by her so soon? Does what we've gone through together mean nothing to you? _

There was no moon that night, everything was pitch black.

_The darkest hour before the dawn…?_

The thought came so inappropriately it made Duo want to laugh, this wasn't the darkest hour, this was just the beginning…now he's gonna have to learn to be alone again, to be the bystander as Heero journeyed his own path of love without him.

_I can't accept this…not when things are happening so quickly…_

His eyes opened with daunting thought.

_How am I going to face him in the morning?_

It was hard enough pretending nothing was wrong when Heero was merely going out with her, but now that he…_belongs…to her…_

_Heaven help me…that's too much to ask of anyone!!!_

Duo sat up, switching on his light. He glanced at his bed side clock.

_One-thirty seven…_

_It's only been an hour since I came in here? It felt like a century!_

_No matter…as soon as daybreaks, I'll get out of here…not permanently…just until… I can come to terms with this…I just can't face him yet…_

He laid back down, and waited for the first sign of morning.

                              *                                  *                                  *

_Where the hell am I…?_

Heero blinked repeatedly in the effort to focus his blurry vision, trying to figure out his surroundings. His head was throbbing with pain and his limbs felt stiff and sore.

_What in the world happened? What did I do…?_

He couldn't recall anything that had happened, and he couldn't concentrate, his head was threatening to explode.

"Ugh…" He moaned, struggling to lift a hand to his forehead _I feel so sick…_

"Heero?" A gentle voice sounded, and Heero felt a hand against his cheek "How're you feeling?

_Duo…?_

Heero searched for the source of the sound, and found it right above him. But it wasn't Duo at all; Quatre was the one leaning over him with that worried expression on his face.

"Better now?"

"What…happened…?" Heero managed to croak.

"You don't remember?" Quatre looked at him sympathetically "You had too much to drink last night, you should really watch that alcohol, your tolerance for that stuff is terrible!"

_Oh yeah…_

Vaguely Heero recalled that dark red drink with the intoxicating flavor, how much of that did he have? He couldn't even keep count; all he knew was that someone was there ready to fill up his glass whenever it became empty.

_What did I do after that…?_

His headache was getting worse, he just couldn't bring to mind anything else.

"Where…is everyone else?" He asked, mentally noting he was in his own room.

"Trowa and Wufei are outside, and I think Duo's still in bed…"

"Think again" A voice interrupted Quatre from the door, the two boys looked up to see Trowa standing in the doorframe.

"Trowa?" Quatre's look of worry deepened "What do you mean?"

"Take a look at this" The green-eyed pilot held out a piece of paper at Quatre "We just found it stuck on the kitchen bench top.

Quatre skimmed over the note, his eyes widening "Oh my…" He murmured, glancing up  "You think this is because…?"

Trowa nodded.

Quatre sighed, exasperated "He's so foolish! How is this meant to achieve anything?! What could Duo be thinking!?"

_Duo…?!_

Heero couldn't stand it any longer "What is it guys?!"

"Umm…" Quatre was hesitant but Trowa gestured that he may as well show Heero the note.

"It doesn't make a difference anyway…"

Heero grabbed the piece of paper impatiently, eager to find out its contents.

Hey guys! Duo here!

I would've already made my way outta there by the time you've found this (slowpokes!) I just feel like I need some alone time you know? I can still be reached via the laptop if a mission comes in, so don't worry 'bout that! I'll be back soon!

~~~Duo Maxwell

_He's gone…?_

Heero's hand shook as he tightened his grip on the slip of paper.

_Is that why I'm in here and not his room? Did I even see him last night? Does he even realize how sick I'm feeling? How could he abandon me at a time like this? Why__ would he do something like that…?_

He reread the note several times, trying to find some subtle hint as to why Duo would leave all of a sudden, but that only resulted in the pain in his head intensifying even further. Finally, he scrunched up the piece of paper and threw it on the floor before collapsing back onto his bed.

"Heero!" He could hear Quatre's cry, but it sounded so far away "Heero are you alright?!"

_How can I possibly be alright? He thought in a daze, but managed to reply "Yeah, sure…I just need more sleep right now…" He shut his eyes as if to prove it._

"Well…okay then…just call us if you need anything, we'll be here…"

Quatre's voice grew softer and further, until Heero could no longer hear it, he wasn't sure if or when they left his room, but he didn't care, he was hurting too much.

_Help me…_

                              *                                  *                                  *

Wufei slapped a dishcloth against the stove angrily, ignoring the fact that he probably looked like a complete idiot. _That's what I am anyway! That's the last time I wait 'until the morning' to handle any situation, how the heck was I to predict he'd run away before I could give him a good beating?!_

Quatre and Trowa made their way into the kitchen, and Wufei threw down the dishcloth to make an announcement.

"Okay you two, I'm not sure how you're taking the current state of things but I've had more than enough, I'm going to put an end to this right now!"

"What?" Quatre blinked, confused "You're going to what?"

"The whole Heero-Relena affair! I'm gonna put an end to it right now!"

"Arrr…" Quatre exchanged a look with his partner "How do you plan to do that?" He inquired cautiously.

"I'm going to get Heero his memory back, I don't care whether the time is right or not!"

"Wufei!" Quatre exclaimed "If it was that easy we would've done it ages ago! How in the world can we just restore Heero's memory like that? It's not that simple!"

"You haven't thought of it" Wufei brushed past the blond pilot as he headed towards Heero's room "I'm setting the ZERO on him"

As soon as he said this, he was stopped in his tracks by a huge GASP from behind and immediately following this he felt a tug on his shirt.

"You're crazy!" Quatre cried desperately "You can't do that! Do you know how much risk that would be? You can't leave Heero with that system in his state! It's too dangerous!"

"So you think leaving him with Relena Peacecraft is safer or something?" Wufei retorted, shaking off Quatre's hold "I can't get across to Duo and Heero's going to become a whimpering, submitting, useless being if he stays around her any longer!"

"You may be right Wufei" Trowa approached them "But I don't think ZERO is healthy for someone suffering from a hangover"

"Oh terrific!" Wufei slapped his forehead with his palm "I forgot about that one! Does this mean I'm gonna have to wait? Dammit! I just hope that woman wouldn't make any further moves while this is happening…"

Before anyone could give a reply, a beeping sound was heard from Duo's room, they identified it at once as being the incoming signal on Heero's laptop, which had found its way there a long time ago. They rushed into the room and crowded in front of the screen.

"Instructions for the next Mission" Trowa murmured as he read the message on the screen "They need two Gundam pilots down there…01 and 02?"

"Oh gee, great timing!" Wufei yelled at the screen "What do we say? '01 has a hangover and 02 has run away from home'?!"

"We can still contact 02…" Trowa reminded him "As for 01, well, one of us could fill in for him, just say that the pilot is in an 'unsuitable' condition and…we'll send someone else…"

"I'll go" Wufei volunteered immediately "I still have something to settle with 02"

"Right" Trowa nodded, tapping away at the keyboard "Just let me send that info and locate Duo…why don't you go and get ready to leave?"

"Oh yes, remind me to bring the sheath for my sword, I may lose control and hit a certain someone with it and I don't want to cause permanent damage…"

                              *                                  *                                  *

There was a lot of commotion going on outside, Heero could tell by all the rustling around, but he couldn't pick up enough snatches of dialogue to figure out what exactly was happening.

_I may as well get up now…He thought…__it won't do me any good just lying around here all day, maybe Duo's back or something…_

He stumbled out of bed, feeling misplaced after having woken up in Duo's bed for so long. His curtains were drawn and his room was dark, but he didn't really care. After searching around for a while he realized most of his clothes were still in Duo's room. 

He slowly made his way to the door and pulled it open, vaguely aware of the activity going on down the hall in the living room, he lacked the energy to pay attention to what the other three boys were talking about. Throwing all his weight on Duo's door he pushed it open.

The room was uncharacteristically tidy; the bed that's only made once in a blue moon had its sheets spread neatly with corners tucked in and pillows arranged. The shirts and other items of clothing usually strewn about the floor were gone, and even the clutter on the desk had been straightened.

_I guess…he wasn't intending on coming back for a while…a sense of loneliness gripped Heero's heart…__Why…_

Something shiny at the foot of the bedside table caught his eye, bending down, he realized it was the silver cross he had given Duo a while back, still on its chain.

_He left it behind…Heero bit his lip as he picked it up…__He didn't even want something to remember me by…I guess it's true then…he really doesn't give a damn…He wasn't even sure if he was feeling anger or frustration or abandonment or misery. His initial purpose in entering that room was forgotten completely, and he fled back to the darkness of his own room, holding the pendant in a white-knuckled grip, his eyes becoming wet._

_What did I do…?_

                              *                                  *                                  *

"You think they'll get this sorted out?" Asked Quatre after Wufei had left. He and Trowa had retreated into Trowa's room and the two of them were currently snuggled up very cozily on Trowa's bed.

"You know as well as I do" Trowa replied "We can only hope that Wufei'd be able to hit some sense into Duo…cos I seriously can't see anyway of getting through to them"

Quatre leant back against Trowa's shoulder, and Trowa wrapped an arm around him, simultaneously, they sighed.

"I feel…wrong for this sometimes you know…" Quatre admitted suddenly.

"Wrong?" Trowa frowned "What's wrong about it?"

"Well…with the two of them so confused and messed up with their emotions, I feel so sorry for them yet I can't do anything about it, it's just impossible to influence them! And here we are…it's just…I feel like we have so much for granted…"

Trowa tipped Quatre's chin, forcing him to face the glare of his one visible eye "Don't think for a moment that I take you or what we have here for granted, I never see it that way. Even if I don't show it I am grateful to have what we share…Quatre, they will find their way, we've just found ours a lot earlier…"

"I'm just thankful we never had to go through what they have…at least not as severely. I don't know what I'd do if I ever had to face losing you…"

Trowa held him closer, and was about to reply when a knock sounded on their front door. They drew away from one another.

"Did they forget something?" Quatre wondered, hoping off the bed "Can't possibly be back so soon"

"Hmm…" Trowa followed him to the door, he had a pretty good idea who was on the other side of that door, and he was sure it wasn't Wufei or Duo…

"Miss Relena!" Quatre exclaimed as the door was opened "What…an unexpected… surprise!"  _Considering Heero's state last night I'd think she'd be a bit knocked out as well…obviously I was mistaken…_

"Hello Quatre, Trowa" She smiled and greeted the two of them as she stepped inside "Where is Heero?"

"He…I…umm…" Quatre stuttered, nodding in the general direction of Heero's bedroom "Maybe…he could be…arh…I think he's still in bed…?"

"Oh I see, can I go in to see him?" She started off.

"I don't think that's a good idea Miss Relena" Trowa stepped out in front of her, blocking her path "He's very tired and is in an unfit condition to see you"

"That's alright" She side stepped him "I understand he'd be a little tired after last night, but I'd still like to see him if he's not asleep" 

Immediately she found herself staring at Trowa's chest again "I think he is, Miss Relena" He insisted.

"I don't mind!" She tried to push past him again "I just want to check up on him!"

"He's fine" Trowa's response was quiet but firm, still refusing her entrance.

She looked up at him with an icy glare "Please let me through"

Trowa stared back down at her, just as intensely "I seriously do not think that will be wise"

"Is that so?" She sneered at him. Suddenly both her hands came against his shoulders and she shoved, hard. Caught off guard, Trowa fell against the wall.

"I won't disturb him" She said calmly as she reached for the knob "Please leave us alone for a while"

Quatre watched in dismay as she entered "Trowa you alright?" 

"Yeah…I'm surprised at her strength!" Trowa proceeded to dust himself off "Good thing Wufei didn't see that one, he'd have a field day at my expense!"

"So what do we do now?" 

"…"

_I don't know Quatre, I really don't. I can see a storm coming on but I don't know what either of us can do to prevent it…she's the queen of the world, and unless Heero tells her himself she's not going to relent…_

_I'm just hoping Duo gets back soon…_

                              *                                  *                                  *

Heero sat cross legged on his bed, leaning back against the wall. The pain in his head had subsided, but now he was aching somewhere else. He fingered the cross in his hand, trying to seek comfort from the cool metal.

_Thank you…I'll treasure it…_

That's what Duo had promised when he first gave it to him. _So this is your idea of treasuring something? I wouldn't want to know what you'd do to something you discard…_

There was a soft creaking sound, Heero gasped as he suddenly found a figure standing in the doorway. Even though it was in shadow he knew who it was by her greeting.

"Oh Heero!"

Quickly he shoved the necklace under his pillow, feeling somewhat uneasy as he was still in his nightclothes (How he got into them last night is still a mystery to him), he sat up shakily to meet her.

"Relena…" He said as she sat down on a chair facing him "What are you doing here?"

"I came to see you of course!" She replied, smiling "Oh Heero, you look so terrible!"

_You're not the first to notice. He thought bitterly "I'm just tired"_

"You haven't had to go out to fight lately have you?"

"No…" How long has it being since his last trip with Duo out to the battlefield? A lifetime it seemed "It's not that…"

"Oh poor Heero" She cooed, getting up and taking a spot beside him on the bed "You must be under so much stress…"

_You have no idea…_

"I wish there was something I could do to make you feel better…" Her hand closed on top of his "Tell me Heero, won't you like to forget all your troubles for a while?"

"If only that was so simple…" __

"But it can be!" She exclaimed softly "I can take you away from this place!"

He looked up with slight alarm "Away from here?!"

She nodded enthusiastically "Wouldn't you like that Heero? You can come and stay with me for a while! Come on! You've been looking more miserable every time I see you! A change is what you need!"

"I don't think so Relena" Heero shook his head "I'd really rather stay here and wait for D…umm…for things to get better…"

"You have to take control of things to make them better Heero!" Relena tugged at his arm "Come on!"

_Take control of things…The words echoed in his head __I have to take control…_

_She's right! _

_I have to take action to make things better for me! Can't keep sitting around here waiting!_

"Relena!" He shook free of her, and stood up "I don't want to go okay? Save it!"

"Oh Heero…" Her face filled with disappointment, but he didn't really want to see it, he left the room and found Quatre and Trowa still standing at the end of the hallway.

"Do you know where Duo went off to?" He asked in a rush "Any way you can contact him?"

"Umm…actually we already have" Quatre told him "A mission came in a while ago and Duo's on it with Wufei"

"Dammit!" Heero stamped his foot in frustration "Bad timing! Ugh! When would they be back then?" He wanted to know.

"It's…kinda hard to tell…" Quatre mumbled, feeling oddly guilty "What is it you wanted with him?"

"Never mind, I'll wait…" Heero turned to return to his room. _I've already waited this long…a little while more isn't going to kill me… _

 Relena was in exactly the same spot as he'd left her, as he flipped listlessly back onto his bed she asked "What happened?"

"Nothing…" He shrugged the best he could, lying down "Duo's off on a mission with Wufei…"

"Oh…" She nodded and smiled as if she knew something "Those two are off together eh? Kind of expecting that…"

"What are you on about?" Heero asked, irritated "This is a mission, Relena, it's serious, it's not like they have a choice"

"Mmmhmm…" She went on smiling "Yeah but don't you think it's interesting how much time they spend together?"

"Huh?" Heero got up on one elbow to see what she was getting at "How do you know that they're…"

"A woman's instincts" She said "I find that a lot of the times when I'm over here those two are with each other more than anyone else…"

"But…"

"I guess it's only natural in a way, I mean that Trowa and that Quatre guy obviously have something going on, so I guess Duo would want to find someone too, don't you think so Heero?"

"I…" Heero was at a lost for words. What Relena had just said was starting to make his head hurt again, yet it seemed to make so much sense somehow…

_Is that why…he's been so indifferent to my absence lately? I'm the only one who has been feeling lonely…?_

An image came to mind, a morning many months ago, Duo sprawled on top of Wufei in the hallway…_I admire him…Duo had said…__He's a good friend…_

"Do you…really think it's true?" He murmured, almost to himself.

"Yeah, it's sweet isn't it?" She grinned broadly.

Jealousy was a strange thing, it acts like fire, a very small inflammation can lead to a disastrous, uncontrollable blaze. Heero's hands gripped at his pillow, trying to reason himself out of these assumptions, but good sense could hardly prevail when there was someone there to fan the flames.

"Since all of them seem to have found themselves someplace what do you say you come back with me Heero?" Relena tried again.

"This is a war not a tea party Relena! They're not off to play they're off to fight!"

"I know I know" She said in a way that sounded like bribe "But you're not fighting, and neither am I, come with me Heero, I promise you'll feel so much better there!"

"I'd rather stay here, really!"

"Why?!" She demanded "What's in for you here? Why would you rather stay here? It's not like they can't contact you if you're needed on a mission…"

"It's not that…" He said faintly. _It's not like they'll send me on a mission anyway if they could help it, not like this…_

"Then what is it?!" She shook his arm "What are you waiting for?!"

Heero blinked at her question. _That's right…what am I waiting for? I'm waiting for someone who will never come back to me…is that what it is? _

His hand slipped under the pillow and came in contact with the neglected cross he had placed there earlier.

_Duo…he no longer wants me…?_

_There's nothing left in him for me… _

"Whatever you want Relena…" He heard himself say in a voice that was not his own "Do whatever you want"

"Oh Heero!" Her voice grew to a squeal "You won't regret this! I promise you!"

_What is there to regret? What other choice do I have anyway…?_

He followed her halfheartedly towards the door.

"Heero?" Trowa suddenly materialized before him "Where are you guys going?"

Heero pointed at Relena without putting up any effort to explain what was going on, she placed both hands on his shoulders and said "I'm taking Heero to live with me for a while, I think a change of environment would be good for him"

"What?!" Quatre yelped, joining the rest of them "Heero you can't go now!"

"Hn" Heero leant against the door without saying anything further.

"You can't stop him from doing what he wants!" Relena blocked Heero from his two friends "I can tell that he's miserable here! I want to make him feel better!"

At that, Trowa broke into a bitter laugh. _Miserable?__ YOU want to make him feel better? Of all the ironies of this world…!_

Relena's eyes shot daggers at him "I'm taking Heero away from here, he needs it!"

"But Heero!" Quatre exclaimed "Don't you want to wait until Duo and Wufei comes back?!"

_Duo and Wufei…_

Heero turned his face to the side, avoiding eye contact with the Arab boy, he didn't want to think about what may happen after they came back.

"That's enough!" The girl placed her arms around Heero protectively and pulled the door open "Stop making him more depressed than he already is!"

Four of her servants were ready and waiting at the door, and before Trowa or Quatre could issue another word of protest, Heero had been escorted down the garden path into the pink limousine.

"This is bad, this is really really _really __really bad!!" Quatre panicked, circling the living room "Duo's gonna kill us! Wufei's gonna kill us! What are we gonna go? TROWA!!!"_

The said boy sighed, watching the little blond go into a frenzy. _If they don't get things sorted out soon, we're all going to go ZERO mad._

                              *                                  *                                  *

  "Whew!" Duo wiped the sweat off his brow as he stepped out of Deathscythe's cockpit "That was refreshing!" He yelled at Wufei who was standing at the foot of his Gundam, his sword lying at his feet.

"You think?" Wufei smirked. _If you thought that battle was good wait 'til you experience what I have in store for you. "Get down here, I wanna talk to you"_

"OH…well okay…" A bit surprised by the request, Duo lowered himself to ground level "What is it?"

Wufei smiled and placed a hand on his shoulder "I'll apologize for this later" He said quietly.

"Huh? Wha…" Before Duo could respond, Wufei swung his fist into his lower jaw, sending the unexpecting soldier flying backwards, crashing against his Gundam.

"Have you gone crazy?!" Duo screamed after having caught his breath, "If you wanna practice your karate or whatever don't do it on me!"

"That wasn't a karate move, and anyway I don't do karate" Wufei looked down his nose at him "Get your facts straight"

"Whatever!" Duo stood up and glared at Wufei "What the heck was that for anyway?"

"That one was for Heero" Wufei replied "And this one's for me" Again he swung his fist, this time into Duo's cheek.

Being more prepared this time, Duo managed dodge the punch and grabbed Wufei's arm. "What the hell are you on about? Did you get hit in the brain in that battle?!"

"No but I wish you had!" Wufei spat "You deserve to get bashed up much more than that for the way you've been acting as of late!"

"I...act…bashed up…?" Duo sputtered "What's gotten into you? I'm not registering a single word you're saying!"

"How _DARE you leave Heero with that woman?!" Wufei finally got to the point "How dare you subject him to __HER influences?!"_

"I…leave…woman…dare…WHAT?!?!" Duo scratched his head, semi-understanding but not getting the whole picture "Who…when…umm…"

"You allowed Heero to repeatedly go out with that…that…_THING!" Wufei ranted "I told you to stop him! Why didn't you listen to me Maxwell?! Has the reading on your baka-o-meter reached another record high?!"_

"We've been through this before Wufei!" Duo retorted, annoyed that the subject had to come up again "I told you I can't stop him from doing what he wants to! I don't have that right!"

"You damn well do!" Wufei yelled "What you don't have a right to do is to make him so miserable!"

"Miserable?" Duo echoed "He…seemed fine…" _Well, not really…He corrected himself upon recollection of the last time he had seen Heero__ But it's not like it's me he wants to comfort him now…_

"Fine?!" Wufei had to count to ten to restrain himself from launching another blow at Duo "You saw him last night! You call that fine?! He was practically knocked out and crying to you for help! And you just _LEFT him there…"_

"Whoa Whoa _Whoa! Backup here!" Duo help up both his hands to stop Wufei from going on "He was crying out for who?! Weren't you even listening?"_

"My question is were _you?!"_

"No duh!" Duo cringed as the scene came back to him "He was calling…Relena…"

Wufei's eyes grew to the size of small saucers "Is that what you thought? Is that why you ran away?"

"I wasn't running away!" Duo pouted for a second "So what are you saying? That wasn't what he was muttering about?"

"Heck no!" Wufei picked up his sword, and started juggling it from one had to the other, as if he was testing its weight "Far FAR from it!"

Duo frowned "What…did you hear him say?" He asked in a small voice.

"To the best of my memory" Wufei replied "It was 'It's just not right Relena, I can't do this…' and…" He raised the pitch "'Duo! Why don't you care? Why do you keep pushing me away?'" He stopped and shuddered "Ugh! Did I just _say that?!"_

"You…you're serious…?" Duo stared at him, his mouth hanging open in shock "You're…not just screwing with me are you?"

"Since when did I screw with anyone?!" Wufei glowered at him "If you didn't jump to conclusions so quickly and _stayed around you'd realize…he needs you, you __baka!"_

 "I…what…what should I do then?"

"You're willing to listen to me this time?" asked Wufei, and Duo nodded robotically.

"When we go back, tell him how you feel about his outings with Relena, how you REALLY feel that is, and ask him to stop it! He wants you to stop him!"

"I...but…" Even though he was terribly tempted, for some reason he had to put forward the protest, ridiculous as it may sound "Wouldn't that be like stealing him from her?"

This time Wufei didn't even bother trying to contain himself, with both hands on his sword he swung it against Duo's side, (grateful that it was still sheathed) before letting lose another outburst.

"I always knew you were an idiot Maxwell, but this has got to be the worst take I've ever heard! Steal him? _STEAL him?!? Even if he __did love her, she was the thief first! That __gives you the right to try to get him back! And in this case he doesn't even like her! It's practically your __duty to get him back!! Stealing! What the hell are you thinking? You brainless fool!"_

"Come on Wufei go easy on me…" Duo pleaded, standing up shakily rubbing his aching body, but there was a twinkle in his eye and he was starting to smile "Then…I guess I have a new mission to fulfill eh?"

"Yeah, call it "Operation Heero-rescue"" Wufei suggested "As soon as we're done here…you know what you need to do, right?" 

Duo grinned as a sense of excitement and anticipation filled his heart.

"Ninmu riyoukai!" 

_Wait for me Heero! I'm coming!_

                              *                                  *                                  *

_No…please…not again!_

Heero closed his eyes in fear. Once again he found himself in that dark empty field, all alone and lost. Soon he knew he'd start running, running into the fire that will try and engulf him…

_This is a dream…I know this is just a dream…snap out of it! Come on! He willed himself._

_No! He screamed as his feet started to carry him, the wind whooshing in his ears. __Stop! Please stop this! I need to get out of here! Help me!_

_Duo!!!!!_

He screamed, or at least it felt like he did, no sound was coming out of his throat yet his ears filled with a sharply-pitched noise. He couldn't tell what it was, but all of a sudden he discovered he was awake, out of that nightmare and held by a pair of arms.

_Duo…_

He sighed with relief, it was alright now, that dream was over…

"Oh my poor Heero…"

_Huh…?_

He craned his neck to look at the face of the speaker, the person holding him.

_Relena…_

It wasn't Duo at all…

Melancholy and loneliness took over him, and he felt as if he might have a break down right there and then.

"It's alright Heero, I'm here…" She soothed.

_I'm right here…Duo's voice ran through his memory. __No, it's not alright! You're not here Duo! You're not here!_

He felt Relena place him back onto his pillow, giving him a soft kiss on the forehead and whispering "I'll stay with you always Heero, nothing will hurt you…it'll be okay…"

_Duo…you promised to stay with me too, why aren't you the one with me now? Was it that easy to forget me?_

He closed his eyes to shut the tears from flowing, swallowing hard so as to not give his emotions away to the girl watching over him. But inside, his heart had finally started to break…And the pain was worse than any of those he'd experienced in his nightmare…

_When are you coming back Duo? Can't you sense how much I miss you? Come back to me…please! I need you so…_

_I love you so…_

_Duo…where are you__…?_

**A/N: Yeah! Another chappie done! (My block may be clearing! You decide!) I have to stop making these longer, they're taking longer and longer to get out! EEK!**

Well…things are starting to look brighter eh?

**FACT OF THE DAY!!…did you know that ZERO system is actually an acronym for Zoning and Emotional Range Omitted system? I didn't! I'm HAPPY to find out! ^-^ So I share with all of you out there!**


	16. Mystified: Part three

**CHAPTER FIFTEEN**

_So…cold…_

Heero shivered as he sat on the window ledge, hugging one knee to his chest. Again, he had accompanied Relena to one of her formal 'gatherings', and it was very much the same as that last one he attended, only this time she had instructed the waiters to keep the wine and other such drinks away from Heero, so even now, by the end of dinner, he was still very much sober.

And feeling very much alone…

Relena frolicked among the guests there, greeting everyone with that winning, yet somehow not quite genuine smile of hers, shaking hands, answering questions, saying all the 'right' things…

_Right…but by whose standards…?___

He hated the crowd, he hated being among these people. They were just so fake. They had regarded him with an air of indifference, he was nobody to them…but when they learnt that Relena Peacecraft is the woman on his arm, their attitudes had taken a hundred-and-eighty degree turn. Suddenly, he was important.

That ledge, hidden by layers of heavy velvet curtains, was practically his sanctuary…

The evening breeze that came through the opened window was surprisingly chilly considering the season, but he made no move to close it.

_Who gives a damn…?_

"Oh Heero! There you are!" Relena appeared from among the crowd "I've been looking all over for you! What are you doing hiding here?"

"Nothing…" The reply came in a listless monotone.

"Well come on! You can't sit here on the ledge all night!" She linked her arm into his "You looked like you were thinking about jumping off"

_Now there's an idea…Heero smiled bitterly "What do you want?"_

"Come dance with me!" She tugged "They're playing our song!"

"Our…song…?" Heero repeated, racking what memory he had "Which…one…?"

"Don't you remember?" She laughed at his look of bewilderment "The one they were playing the first time we danced together! Back at St Gabriels the night Oz attacked…and you saved me! We were dancing that evening and this was the song that we danced to!"

"Oh…?" He followed her to the dance floor, the scene she described stirred something within, he badly wanted to know what it was trying to tell him…

He felt Relena steering him in the steps of the dance, and slowly they started to come naturally…_I've done this before…it feels so familiar…_

_So familiar that it's almost…eerie…_

His pulse started to increase, his mind was racing…_I'm so close…I feel as if I'm almost there…my memories…my past…I can almost reach out and touch them…but…_

He felt Relena's head rest against him chest, listening to his heartbeat.

"Oh Heero…" She breathed.

He ran his fingers through her auburn hair in an absent movement, as if he was searching through them for the answers he desired to find…

_Who was I…?_

_Who am I…?_

The world seemed to be spinning around him…

                              *                                  *                                  *

"Aren't we there _yet?!"_

"Didn't you ask me that just five minutes ago? You know the geography as well as I do! Quit asking me!"

"Oh come on! Can't you make this thing go any faster?! There's no traffic up here!"

"Duo, this is a carrier, not a Gundam, I'm pushing the limits as it is!"

"Awww….."

The American boy crossed his arms and whined, if he had it his way, he would get off this carrier in his Mobile suit and make a beeline for home. _Why is it every time I'm in a hurry I'm forced to travel at a snail's pace…?!_

_Okay a flying snail, but a snail nevertheless…_

"Hey, Wufei" He called to his companion "How 'bout letting me take over the piloting…?"

"In your dreams!" Wufei gripped the controls possessively "Take a nap or something!"

Duo pouted "You expect me to sleep at a time like this?! I'm positively bursting with anxiety right now!!"

"Humph" Wufei sneered "If you'd just listened to me earlier you wouldn't have to go through all this you know…"

"Yeah yeah, I know, you've told me off enough already!!" Duo turned to look out the window "I just keep thinking about how Heero might react when I get back…if what you've told me is true, well, I can't wait to see the look on his face…I'm sooooooooo excited!!!"

"Save that excitement for after we get back? _Please?! _ Let Heero endure it, spare me, okay?"

"Whatever you say!" Duo shrugged good-naturedly "Well anyway…are we there yet?"

Wufei sighed. _This is going to be a loooooooong trip…_

                              *                                  *                                  *

_Where am I now…?_

Heero blinked in the darkness. He couldn't figure out how he ended up in this room, the last thing he remembered was been held by Relena on that dance floor, his ears filled with the sound of her voice calling out his name, and then, suddenly…

_Why am I here…?_

A door opened, letting a stream of light into the room, and he could make out Relena's silhouette under that frame. She entered the room and shut the door behind her.

"Oh Heero…" She rushed over to him "My poor Heero!"

"What happened?" He asked.

"You passed out" She explained simply "The doctor said something about an old wound that hasn't quite healedl, perhaps from the last time you went out to battle"

_I don't remember been injured…_

"But don't worry Heero, he said that overall you were fine, and just needed to lay down for a while, the dance floor was perhaps a bit too stuffy or something…" She went on. Suddenly she leaned towards him and nuzzled at his neck "Just watch Heero, I'll create a world where there will be no more need for you to go out to battle, I won't let you be harmed in anyway ever again!"

He drew his breath sharply, detecting the intrusion of one of her hands under his shirt, he had no idea when his jacket and tie were taken off, but they were gone. Her fingers searched along his back and shoulders, her other hand working at getting his first button undone…

_What are you doing Relena…?_

He tried to back up, but found himself trapped by a wall, only then did he realize they were situated on a double bed. His eyes widened and he gasped again her lips came down against his bare chest, her hands finding their way lower and lower…

_Stop this…_

He swallowed hard and placed both his hands against her shoulders, trying to force some distance between them, but it was in vain, his arms felt weak and tired, while she was vibrant with strength, advancing over and over…

"Oh Heero…." She sighed in his ear, rolling the name over her tongue "Heeeeeerrrroooo…."

His eyes had adjusted to the dimness of the room, and he could see that the straps of her evening dress had fallen from her shoulders, revealing a disturbingly large part of her pale breast, he jerked his head to one side and squeezed shut his eyes. She failed to notice his resistance.

"Heero…Open up to me Heero…" He continued to feel her breath on his chest, as well as her body rubbing up against his own "I know you're not as cold or have such a lack of emotions as you pretend to have…I've always known…and I've always believed that I could be the one to help you discover these emotions…let me help you Heero, let me love you and stay by you…you're my source of strength and comfort, have I ever told you that? Oh Heero…"

_What is happening? What is she trying to do…?_

Heero's heart filled with a strange sensation, it was almost fear. All his senses were sharply stimulated, and his body felt as if it was on fire…

_Like that nightmare…_

The flames visualized before his closed eyes, his body tensed up with a sense of pain that wasn't really there. His mind spun and he felt that he may pass out again. He couldn't open his eyes and his ears filled with the sound of his own heavy breathing. 

He was burning…

_Why am I letting this happen? Why can't I do anything to stop this…?_

He continued to feel Relena's hands searching along his body, searching…just as he was searching his mind…

_Help me…_

His heart felt like it was ready to explode, it was filling up with so many images and sounds that seemed so near and yet still out of reach. He lost the power to move, or to speak, soon he couldn't even feel Relena's existence anymore, and was only vaguely aware of his own hands which dug into the bed beneath him as if trying to break through the surface…

_To break through…I have to break free…_

_Oh God…_

_Help me…_

                              *                                  *                                  *

"Oi! We're back! We're back! We're baaaaaaaaack!!!!!!" 

Duo's voice could be heard long before he and Wufei had reached the house. It was already approaching the early hours of morning and all was quiet around them. But he didn't care that he was breaking the silence, his excitement was uncontainable.

Trowa stepped out of his room, running his hands through his messed-up unibang, drowsily making his way to the door. But he didn't need to worry about opening it, Duo had barged in long before he made it to the living room.

"Nice entrance" He commented "How did things go?"

Duo didn't seem to hear him, he zipped down the hall, narrowing missing a very-sleepy-looking Quatre along the way, and into his room.

"Whoa…what's gotten into _him_?!" Quatre stood, shaking.

"Heero!" Duo's voice rang out "Heero where are you?!"

"Uh-oh" Trowa muttered, looking over to Quatre.

"What do you mean 'uh-oh'?" Wufei asked suspiciously "Oh heck, don't tell me he's on a date with _her again…"_

"Well…not a date exactly" Quatre's sleepiness had vanished "But he's kinda…out…"

"Out? Where!?" Wufei demanded.

"Oh…see…umm…right…howshouldiputthis…umm…" Quatre's hands twisted the side of his pajama top in nervousness "Like, well, the other day…umm…"

"Quit mumbling! You sound like a girl!" Wufei yelled, impatient "Just spit it out will you?!"

By this time Duo had come out of his room and re-joined the group "Guys, I can't seem to find Heero…where is he…?"

"Umm…like…yeah…see…" Quatre still remained tongue-tied, desperate, he turned to Trowa.

"He's living with Relena"

Trowa's quiet response seemed to slice the air. 

"What…did…you…just…say…?" Duo's eyes seemed hollow as he asked this question, trembling, he grabbed Trowa's shoulders and shook him "You're joking with me, aren't you Trowa?" He shook harder "Dammit Trowa tell me you're just screwing around with me!!"

"Duo!" Quatre jumped to his rescue "Calm down! It's true! She came around just after Wufei left for the mission, we tried to stop them but…"

"You tried to stop him?!" Wufei roared "Then why did he still go with her?!"

"We…couldn't…restrain…him…" Quatre stammered "We tried but…we couldn't stop him…"

"What, she kidnapped him or something?!" Duo's eyes bored into Quatre's, his voice trembling.

"No…he went…willingly…"

_Willingly…___

_Which could only mean…___

"You lied to me!!!" 

Duo gave an anguished cry, he let go of Trowa and lunged at Wufei, beating his fist against his arms "You lied to me! Why did you do that?! Why did you tell me all those lies?! I may have been able to accept this if you gave me time! Did you think it would be fun to mess around with my feelings?!!! Why did you make me believe Heero's heart belonged to me when it didn't? Why Wufei?! What the hell are you trying to achieve by that!?!" He could feel hysteria coming on, and he knew what he was doing was wrong, but he couldn't help it, the force of the blow was just too much to bear…

_To bear it the first time, that was bad enough…His fists clenched…nails dug into flesh…_But to have been made to believe the chance was still mine…and having it taken away all over again…__

_That feeling was higher… thus the fall had to be harder…_

_Why did you do this to me…?!_

"WHY DID YOU DO THIS TO ME?!!" His voice broke upon the final cry, unable to contain his emotions any longer, he drove his fist into Wufei's stomach, causing the Asian boy to double over in agony.

"Duo!" He coughed out "I wasn't lying to you!"

"DUO!" Quatre screamed "Stop it! You're going crazy!"

_Yes, I am crazy! How can I take this? Why did you do this to me?!?!?!_

"What do you expect me to do?! Just swallow this as it is?! Damn you people! You don't know what I'm going through here!"

"Duo…I don't think he really wanted to go…" Trowa spoke up again.

"What?!"

"That's right!" Quatre nodded defensively "He didn't look like he really wanted to go, I think he was just pressured by her…"

"And you let him go?!" This time Duo turned upon Quatre "You could see that he didn't want to go yet you LET HIM GO?!?! _WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING_?!?!"

"I…" The blue-green eyes from beneath those blond locks filled with tears "I don't know! I couldn't think of any way to stop him…"

"Well that's just handy!" Duo yelled. Although the part of him which still retained logic knew it was unfair to take it out on Quatre, or Trowa or Wufei, he couldn't help it, he couldn't help but feel he had been toyed with "How could you guys do such a thing?!"

Quatre didn't respond, his tears spilled over and he covered his mouth with one hand.

"Stop it Duo!" Trowa suddenly raised his voice, protectively putting an arm around Quatre "You're losing all reason here, it's not our duty to keep him here, nor do we have the right to restrain him against his will. Face the facts, you're the one who drove him away in the first place, don't blame it on Quatre!"

_It was you who drove him away in the first place…_

Duo's hands came up against his head, and he squeezed as if trying to crush his own skull "What have I done? What have I _done_…?!"

As the four of them stood in silence around their living room, gaping at each other, a faint voice was suddenly heard.

"Heero! Where are you going? What's wrong Heero?!"

Quatre's eyes widened "It's…Miss Relena…" He uttered in bewilderment.

"Heero?" Duo's gaze shifted to the front door "He's here…?"

They had little time to wonder, almost immediately, the front door crashed open, and Heero stormed in.

_At least…I think_ that's Heero…__

Duo stood breathless and transfixed as he fixed his gaze on the figure that had just entered, his features were identical to that of Heero's, though his hair was in terrible disarray, giving the impression it had been blown at from all different directions, he was dressed merely in his suit pants and a light shirt, of which only three of the buttons were done up, he didn't even have shoes on.

But his appearance was hardly what caused Duo and the rest of them stare in shock horror, it was the expression he wore. His eyes seem to be darting about the room with no particular purpose yet there was an intensiveness there that rendered everyone motionless and spellbound. The look wasn't unfamiliar, but it hasn't appeared for so long…

_Not since…_

"HEEEEERRROOOOO!!!"

Duo, Trowa, Quatre and Wufei jumped at the sound of Relena's high-pitched scream, and Heero seemed to suddenly be shaken out of his trance. Without so much as a look at any of his friends, he tore past them and down towards his own room, the entire house seemed to vibrate as his door was slammed shut.

"What…was…that…" Quatre asked in a hushed tone, peering around nervously, their original fight temporarily forgotten after what just happened.

"Arr…." Trowa blinked and looked at the opened front door "Was…was that…Relena…?"

His query was resolved right away, a second later, Relena stumbled through the doorframe, desperately trying to catch her breath and looking every bit as frazzled out as Heero did.

"Heero!" She called again, seemingly ignorant of anyone else's presence in the room "Heero! What is it?! What went wrong?!"

"Miss…Relena…?" Quatre spoke up cautiously "Are…are you alright?"

She didn't even seem to hear the question, after a few deep breaths she trudged through the living room and on to Heero's room. They could hear her piercing cries of "Heero! What is it?! Talk to me Heero! Tell me what's wrong!" accompanied by the banging of her fists against the door.

"What the heck is going on here?!" Wufei whispered sharply "What on earth is she _doing?!"_

Duo couldn't stop to think of what Relena's actions were trying to achieve, the only thing in his mind right then was the look on Heero's face when he had entered…

_His eyes…that glare…the iciness of it all…I haven't seen it in him since…_

_Omigod__…_

His breath was caught in his throat as the thought came to him…

_Not since…_

"HEEEEEERRRROOOOOO!!!!" Relena gave one final scream, and then, all that could be heard was her gulping sobs and her footsteps as she made her way back to the living room and flopped down on the couch. 

It took a long time before any of them were able to react. It was Trowa who was the first to finally approach her.

"Relena, what happened?"

She looked up at him, sniffled, and wiped her cheeks with the back of her hand.

"I…don't know what's…gotten into Heero" She managed to say between sniffles "He…I don't get why…but…everything was going fine, and he was…happy and all that…"

"What were you doing?" Trowa interrupted calmly.

"I was…we were…at an evening party…and…" Here Quatre handed her a tissue and she blew into it "It was all going great…we were dancing and…and he seemed so…happy…and at peace…"

Duo bit his lip and turned away, hoping she'd spare him anymore details as such. As anxious as he was about the situation listening to her descriptions still caused a pang in his heart.

"So…" Trowa prodded her on.

"Well…I…I tried…to…to…" Her stuttering was becoming unintelligible "I tried to…"

"You tried to do what?" Wufei asked impatiently.

"Tried…to…to…to kiss him!" She finally blurted out "I…tried to kiss him…"

"And what did he do?" Asked Duo, his throat felt tight.

"He…he…." She broke into a fresh flood of tears "I don't know what got into him! But he just seemed…seemed to…to _snap_ all of a sudden! Like there was this sudden flash in his eyes and he totally went stiff…" Here she choked, and there was a flurry of activity in getting her a glass of water before she went on "He…he just suddenly…_pushed_ me away…really hard! And his eyes seemed to dart all over the place, I don't know what he was trying to find but it was really freaking me out! I haven't seen that look in his eyes for ages! It was like he wanted to kill someone right there!"

_Just like I thought…Duo could envision her descriptions…__No question about it…_

"So what happened to you guys after that?" Quatre asked.

"I…by the time I was able to recover…he had…he was already gone…I don't know what he wanted to do or where he wanted to go but he just jumped on to a motorcycle and drove it away…I tried my best to follow him, but he was too fast for the limo, and when we got here…he threw the motorcycle down in the middle of the road to block it and…"

"You had to follow him on foot?" Trowa finished for her.

She nodded "I don't know what's gotten into him! He wouldn't talk to me! Why wouldn't he talk to me?!" Grabbing a cushion she buried her face in it and started her wails again.

_Heero…_

_It's happened…_

_It's actually happened…_

_It's finally happened…_

Trowa slowly got up from the couch; he stood still for a moment before turning to face his friends. One by one, he met their eyes. A strange feeling of tension seem to hang in the air, yet the realization had come to them, like shattered fragments which had suddenly come together.

_This is it…Trowa held his place._

 Finally, in that quiet, tranquil tone that was so uniquely his, he gave voice to the thought that had dawned upon them all.

"I think he's remembered"

**A/N: Voila! IT HAS HAPPENED! (I'm not sure if you all see this as a good thing BUT anyway…) I guess now it's bye-bye to the happy-weird-emotional Heero and back to the omae-o-korosu-Hn Heero eh? I hope I don't screw up his character now 'cos I'm still kinda into the amnesia-style Heero…hehehe…**

Ah well…At least the chapter's shorter…

Thanks for reading! Love ya!

BaiBai!


	17. Memories, Regrets: Part one

**CHAPTER SIXTEEN**

Has this room always been this small?!

After spending such a big part of his life inside the cramped space of his Gundam cockpit, Heero Yuy never thought he could possibly be claustrophobic, but right now it certainly seemed that way. 

_Three paces one way and three paces back…this is practically a box here…_

_ Of course he didn't take into account that those so-called paces he was taking were really huge lunges one way and the other_

_What the hell was happening out there?! What on earth was I doing?!_

It was like waking from a long dream, and having no idea of what the heck one was doing before falling asleep. There seemed to be a lag in his memory, and nothing was making any sense. Reality was questionable, space and time interchangeable…

Nothing mattered, nothing existed, it was just one huge jumbled mess…

If it wasn't for the fact his head was hurting like crazy, he would've thought he was heading for limbo…

_There was a mission…._

_I had a mission to complete…_

The one and only thing he would rack up in his brain. All he could recall was that he had gone out on a mission…but then…

_Did I ever complete that one…?_

_Oh God…I don't even know what the heck that mission was anymore…!_

There was a huge lapse, and suddenly the only thing he could make out was his dark surroundings, his own heavy breathing, and the sound of a female voice, frighteningly close, repeating his name over and over again in his ear…

_What he hell was that about??!!!_

He didn't know if he had been acting out of sheer horror or mere instinct, but the next thing he knew he was shoving away whoever it was on top of him, and making a break for it. Vaguely, he was aware of the curious looks people were throwing his way as he tore through that huge, brightly lit room, but they were the last thing he was worried about. Something was calling him, some_one was calling him…._

_Or maybe my head was just so messed up I really had no control over what I was doing…_

It was so surreal, everything was happening in slow motion as if he was traveling underwater. And it was like everyone was calling him, calling his name, calling him back to them…

_Heero! Heero! Heero!!!_

The perfect soldier never ran away, he confronts, and he attacks. But in those moments of pure confusion back there, all he wanted to do…all he _could_ do…was run, he didn't know what he was running from, and he couldn't see where he was running to…all he could feel was that he was running from one source of that calling, and straight to another…

_Voices…_

_Heero! Heero! Heero!!!_

The rest was instinct, it was like he thought that, if he could find the source of that _other voice, he would be safe…_

_Safe?___

_What was I running from…?_

He continued to pace that tiny room, ready to rip up something in his frustration at the whole chaotic state of things…

He wanted so many answers, but for some reason he just couldn't bring himself to open the door and approach the rest of the Gundam pilots, the only ones who may give him those answers….

_What was happening…?_

_What happened to me…?_

_What was that place…?_

_Who did those voices belong to…?_

_What was I running from…?_

And…

_Who was I trying to run to…?_

                              *                                  *                                  *

"We have a problem here guys…" Quatre said nervously.

"Oh you think so? I thought we were having a perfectly lovely little tea party!" Duo retorted, his voice dripping with sarcasm. "What could've possibly have given it away that we had a problem?!?"  

"Duo!" Trowa glared at him "Could we?"

"Sorry" He mumbled, crossing his arms and sinking as far as he could back into the couch, wishing it could just swallow him up.

They sure didn't have an easy time convincing miss I'm-the-Queen-of-the-world-thus-all-bow-to-me Relena to get of there and go home so they'd have some room to discuss this little "situation", but somehow they managed to do it, after Quatre repeated "I'm sure he's just tired…" and "I'm sure he'll be fine in the morning…" and "no, it's not you, I promise it's not you…" about a hundred times, she must've been finally convinced that Heero was just in need of some sleep and he'll be all ready to go back to her again…

_How the hell can she believe something like that…?!_

That part was beyond Duo…

_I guess Quatre's ways of conviction were more powerful than I thought…_

_Either that or it's because Wufei was standing there with his sword still in his hand, un_sheathed this time…__

_Or perhaps Relena is just a bigger airhead than I had given credit for…_

"I guess the first thing to decide…" Quatre's voice broke Duo's train of thought "Is whether or not we tell Relena that Heero had amnesia all this time he was dating her…"

"Well duh!" Wufei cut in "You wanna let her get away with thinking that he actually liked her all this time?!"

"No…but…"Quatre looked over at Duo awkwardly "Didn't we agree that…well, the fewer who knew the better?"

"That was then, this is now" argued Wufei "Back then we were worried that if any of our enemies found out, well, that wouldn't be terribly convenient, but now…that's not really an issue anymore!"

"Still…" Quatre shrugged uncomfortably "If we tell her that…he was…like…not really himself all that time…well…don't you think that…umm…"

"What are you getting at Quatre?" Wufei asked impatiently.

"Well it'll kinda hurt her feelings don't you think?"

As soon as the words left his lips, Quatre wanted to kill himself. The three gaping expressions on those faces around him, including that of Trowa, made him feel like the biggest most insensitive jerk in the world. 

"Hello! Quatre! _Over here!!" Duo yelled as loudly as he dared to avoid Heero's hearing range "You may not be aware of this, but I am still alive here!!"_

"I know I know Duo!" Quatre repented "That's not what I was trying to get at, but the thing is…I don't know! It'll be so…hard…on…her…"

"Yeah, poor little Relena Peacecraft, how could we take Heero away from her? All she's have left is, like, oh I don't know…_the rest of the world maybe_?!"

Quatre cowered, for a moment he was almost certain Duo wanted to take a bite out of him. He blinked exaggeratedly and prayed for someone else to take over the conversation.

"Look" Trowa finally jumped in to break the strained atmosphere "I think the first thing we need to do is to find out how Heero feels about all this"

"Yeah right" Duo snorted "Just walk in and go 'so Heero, you just recovered from amnesia, how're you feeling?' I'm sure he'll be all too happy to discuss the wonderful state of mind he's in, and if you're _really_ lucky, maybe he just won't kill you for it!!"

"Look Duo if you're just going to be irrational about this whole thing maybe you should go somewhere else" said Trowa "We don't have time for this"

"Suit yourself then" Duo stood up and headed towards the door "I'm not exactly enjoying been an eyesore here"

"Duo!" Quatre cried "You can't leave _now_! We need to talk about this!!"

"Well maybe that's what _you need right now" Duo yelled, yanking open the door "But that's the _last_ thing I need right now, okay? You have no idea how much I __don't need to talk about Heero right now, alright? So you guys just do your rational little talking session, and I'll be out trying to make myself feel better…maybe I'll get _really_ fortunate and a truck will run me over!!"_

"Duo…!!" 

That was all Quatre could get out before the door was slammed.

                              *                                  *                                  *

_God I never imagined this would happen this way…_

Hands in pockets, Duo walked down the sidewalk with a pace so fast it was practically not human. He didn't even know where he was anymore, or how long it had been since he stormed out of the house, all he knew was he had to use up all his energy walking or else he may go into a fit.

_All this time, all those attempts…trying to help Heero get his past back…___

_I never imagined it would happen this way!!_

Throwing him off a building, self-detonation, photo albums, flutes tunes late at night, near-death experience, battlefields, cliffsides…even the Zero system…

_All those things we thought of…._

_None of them was it…_

_It took…_

_It took Relena_ to bring back his memory?__

Relena…

_So what happens now?_

He realized that it was important to discuss what happened to Heero next, or at least how to handle him, but right now all he could think about was what happened between _them, or what would happen next._

_I can't confront him now, and I definitely can't declare anything to him now either…_

_I can't ask him about her…_

_Hell I can't even talk to the guy!!_

His feet were starting to hurt from walking for so long, but he didn't care, he couldn't care…

_That's not the only part of me that's aching right now…_

_Somebody…_

_Give me an answer…_

                              *                                  *                                  *

"You sure you wanna risk this?" Quatre asked anxiously, clinging on to one of Trowa's arms as the two of them made their way to Heero's room.

"Stop worrying Quatre, someone has to do this sooner or later"

"Yeah, but don't you think we should wait until it's like…umm…safer?"

"Look, Quatre, I think we should get this out as soon as possible, if we don't get to the root of the source then it'll be too hard to figure out where to go from here. Besides, Heero probably doesn't even known what he's done, I'm going in there to talk to him"

"You promise you wouldn't get hurt?" Quatre still wouldn't let go of him.

"Promise" Trowa wasn't so sure Heero wouldn't aim a pistol at him as soon as he entered but he felt he had to reassure Quatre anyway.

"Umm…okay…well…" Quatre back away a little, biting a nail "Call…if you…need…anything…"

_Here I go…Trowa took a deep breath, and opened the door._

                              *                                  *                                  *

_Concentrate! You gotta concentrate here!!_

Heero closed his eyes and leant against the window edge, trying to focus his thoughts.

_Wait, this feels kinda familiar…He glanced at the pane…__Window…ledge…night…_

_Omigod__…_

His eyes widened as a scene came to him…

_Relena!_

_I was with Relena!_

_Why the hell was I there…what was I doing…?_

_What that part of the mission? What was she__ doing?_

He pressed his fingertips against his temples, trying to control his breathing.

_Relena…a dress…evening gown…must've been a party?_

_Why…was I there…what was I doing? What was my role there…?_

_Bodyguard?__ Assassin? Was I meant to be protecting her? Or was I trying to kill her?_

_What the hell?!_

He looked down at his outfit…

_What is this? What am I wearing?_

_Why the hell am I dressed like this?_

The semi-opened shirt, the bare feet…

_Holy…_

His blood seemed to freeze…

_RELENA!!!!_

_"Heero…open up to me Heero…"_

_NO!! That could not be!!!_

_"Oh Heero…"_

_Stop it!_

He was ready to scream in horror as more and more of that evening's events came back to him…The dancing, the darkened room, Relena's hands against his bare body…

_NO!! Oh God!! Please no!!!_

_I couldn't have! What was wrong with me? How on earth did I manage to get involved with her all of a sudden? What was I thinking? Was I not sane?_

_Was…I…not…my…self…?_

He sunk to the floor; his skin seemed to burn as if he could still feel her breath on him, he couldn't make any sense of it all but still desperately wished all those memories were mere hallucinations…

"Heero?"

At the intrusion of Trowa's voice, Heero looked up. For a moment all they could manage to do was to stay in their respective positions of by the door and window and stare at each other.

"Heero…" Trowa spoke again "Are you aware of what happened to you?"

"Trowa…" Heero slowly got to his feet "I…I'm…I don't…" He turned away at the futile attempts to get a sentence together, his brain was still so filled up with images of Relena's advancing movements that he couldn't even see straight.

"You had amnesia, do you realize that part?"

_Amnesia?!___

"What?!" He spun to face him "I had what?!"

"Amnesia, it's been a few months now, you couldn't remember who you were or why you're here or anything, we tried to help you a few times but nothing worked, until last night, I don't know what went on but all of a sudden, you remembered"

_So that's why there's that lapse in my memory…I didn't even know…_

_Oh help…_

_Was that why I was in bed with…_

_No! No! No! I couldn't have done that! I couldn't! I couldn't! I just couldn't'!!!!_

"Are you alright Heero?" Trowa inquired "You feeling alright?"

"I…don't know…" _How the hell am I meant to take this "During all this time…did I…do anything that was out of character?"_

Trowa gave a strange, ironic laugh "Can't even get started on that one!"

_Oh help me help me!!!_

"For starters" Trowa went on "You were actually involved in…"

"No don't! Stop!" Heero held up two hands in front of Trowa's face to silence him "I don't want to hear any of that stuff!!" The dreaded feeling of what he was about to say made Heero want to throw up, he was suddenly more frightened than he had ever known he could be.

"But…"

"Do you hear me Trowa?! Stop it! Get out of here!!"

"Heero you've got to listen to me!!" Trowa tried desperately…_I have to get him clear on this Duo Relena mess…_

"No! I don't want to hear it!" Heero yelled, shoving Trowa backwards "Now you listen to what _I have to say: I don't know exactly what I did in all this time that you say I've had amnesia for, but let me get this clear, I was not in a right state of mind! I was not really me! And I cannot be hold responsible for anything I may have said or done during this time, is that clear?!"_

"Look, Heero, we didn't send you on any missions or anything like that during this time if you're worried about…"

"No! Stop! Trowa!" Heero demanded "I don't want to hear this!"

"It's nothing to do with the war Hee…"

"NO!!!!" The scream coming from Heero's throat sounded positively unnatural "Get out of here Trowa!!" He pointed a jerking finger at the door "Get out NOW!!!" He marched over to the door and pulled it open, almost taking off the knob in the process "Get out of here or _I will kill you_!!!"

Before he knew what was happening, Trowa found himself staring at a slamming door.

_Well that did a lot of good…_

"Trowa!!" Quatre exclaimed, running towards him "Are you alright? You're not hurt are you?"

"No I'm fine" Trowa sighed as he took one final look at Heero's door "But I think things are not going to be _fine around here for a long, __long time…"_

                              *                                  *                                  *

_You're gonna have to go back there someday Duo!_

He stopped at the end of the sidewalk and glanced up and down at the building that was his home.

_If you had kept walking you would've reached the point where the only way you could get back here is to circle the globe! _

He started up the path, but stopped after two steps.

_I can't do this! I can't go in now…_

_Oh come on…_

He chided himself.

_Stop this whole thing! You're shinigami here! Stop hiding from everything like some wimp! You've gotta face this! If you don't have the guts to do this you don't have the right to pilot Deathscythe!_

He opened the door slowly, and peeped in.

"Hey, Wufei!" He whispered loudly, trying to get the attention of the boy sitting on the kitchen counter who was, for some reason, carving wood "What are you doing there?

"I'm making a toothpick Maxwell" Wufei rolled his eyes "Where the hell did you go?"

"Out" Duo shrugged as he kicked the door shut behind him "What the hell is that anyway?" He pointed at Wufei's project.

"It's actually something I was thinking of shoving up your ass!" Wufei threw down his knife and the block of wood "How could you run out at a time like that?! I mean, Heero finally gets his memories back, finally gets away from that empty-minded pacifist bitch, and you decide to walk out?!"

"Hey don't lecture me now Wufei!" Duo warned "Do you have any idea how I feel right now? I came back expecting Heero to want me again, and instead I get the news he's off living with…with…with that…well, as you so delicately put it once…that _thing!" _

"Well she's obviously out of the picture now, you saw how he was acting when she chased him in here, it was like he was trying to get away from some exotic disease or whatever…"

"Still…that's another thing…" Duo sighed and slumped against the counter "I don't know, I mean, it's good that he's got his memories back and all, but you know, if that was how he'd react to finding himself...well…kissing…Relena…" He choked on those words "I can't be sure that…that's not how he'd react to me…like, he's probably totally pissed off at me right now for all those times…we…umm…yeah…you know…" His voiced lowered to an inaudible level.

"So what, you're gonna hide from him forever?"

"No…just until…he…calms…down…"

 Wufei sighed, part of him was still feeling guilty over how hurt Duo looked when he first found out about Heero and Relena, even though he knew he didn't, it still felt as if he had lied to him…made him put up his expectations and leaving him to fall.

But then again, here, Duo was trying to avoid getting things out in the open again, he was making the exact same mistake he had already made twice before, and this time, not even Wufei knew how to get the facts through.

"Look, Trowa went in there a while ago to talk to Heero, and he came out alive…sort of…so maybe you should go in and talk to him…"

"That's different! Trowa never…well…" Duo wrung his hands in frustration "You know what I mean! If I go in there, Heero would probably kill me! Judging from what he did to Relena…and she said she only _tried_ to kiss him" 

"Listen, Duo, Heero's probably going through some pretty tough moments right now, he's probably still confused about everything, I think he'd appreciate it if you at least made the effort the talk to him…after all, you were the closest one to him before all this happened…"

Duo looked thoughtful for a moment, but still, he crumbled.

"No I just can't face him, not now…not right now…I…I'll just go talk to Trowa and see what he's gotten out of him"

Wufei shook his head as he watched Duo head for Trowa's room.

_Unless he gets amnesia too…that guy's never gonna change…_

He frowned to himself.

_How long is this going to go on for…?_

_Sigh…_

_Much longer than any of us can take it I'm sure…___

                              *                                  *                                  *

"So what did he say?"

Duo's hand froze on it's way to knocking when he heard Quatre's voice through the door. Obviously, the 'he' in question was Heero here.

There was a pause, and Duo could practically see a speech bubble containing "…" coming out of Trowa's mouth. Exasperated, he pressed an ear to the door, straining to get some info.

"He was pretty scary wasn't he?" Quatre's voice again "I don't know what to do to him! I want to go and see if he's okay and everything, but right now, he's acting like an injured beast, not even you can handle him…"

Duo cringed, he didn't like what he had heard so far.

"It's so weird" Quatre went on "After all this time, after all the times and closeness we've shared…to see him suddenly divert back to been…so cold and far off…it's just so…"

"Hard to take?" Trowa's voice could finally be heard "I know what you're trying to say, but maybe we all have to accept that Heero, just wasn't really himself all this time, when I was in there, he emphasized that he can not be held responsible for anything he did or said in the past months…"

Duo felt his heart sinking…he suddenly felt very cold…

"You sure?" Quatre's voice.

"Yeah, he stressed that he was not in a sane state of mind and none of it could be held true…"

Silence.

"I…feel like we've lost a friend…"

Further silence…

"…I guess we just have to accept it that…the Heero who we've come to know after all this time never really existed…"

Duo's heart was no longer sinking, it had accelerated to a freefall.

 _I cannot be held responsible for anything I've said or done…_

He could practically hear Heero saying that to him.

_Looks like I was right…all this time…everything we've gone through…_

_All this really was just an illusion…a bubbly image…A dream…_

_"I love you Duo…"_

_"I need you so…"_

_"I miss you…"_

He smiled bitterly…

_The illusion has broken…the bubble has burst…the dream has ended…_

_That which never was mine…_

_Will never be mine..._

Silently he backed away from the door into his own room, sinking down onto his bed.

_Is this it?_

_This IS the inevitable…I couldn't stop it…none of us could see this coming…no one could have expected that…_

_So it's all over? It's ended? _

_Or really…did it never start in the first place?_

He had never felt so confused in his life.

_What if I had acted sooner…what if he never was with Relena? Would things be different now? If he was still with me would he be willing to give me a chance even after he gets his memory back?_

_Oh who care?_

_It doesn't matter…_

_The only thing I can do right now is to try and get over this…_

_But how how how how HOW?!?!!?___

_This is almost as bad as the night when Heero called out Relena's name for the first time…_

_Or worse…___

_I still had a chance then didn't I…?_

_Nor not…___

_Arrgh__!!!_

_What the heck am I thinking?!_

_Stop living in the past!_

_This is it! Heero…the one whom you fell in love with…the one who fell in love with you…he's gone!! He's gone and he's not going to come back! Never! Get over this Duo! You've got to get over it! You've got to come to terms with this if you're ever going to be able to face Heero again! _

_Oh God…_

_Face Heero…?_

_How can I do this?!_

_I can't face him! I can't do it!_

_But I can't just run away again! No! Duo! Stop this!_

_Does Heero even know how I feel anymore? Does he know how he feels about me? Has he thought about it yet?_

_How am I going to do this?_

_I can't!_

_No!_

_Heero! Heero! Heero!_

_Why…?_

_Why did you have to do this…?!_

_If you couldn't let me keep you, why did you have to give yourself to me?_

_Why did you have to be so wonderful?_

_Why…_

_Why is it…_

_Why is it that even though I know it's all over, it's all hopeless…it's all lost…_

_Why is it…_

_Why is it that I still can't stop loving you…?_


	18. Memories, Regrets: Part two

**CHAPTER SEVENTEEN**

The sound of the running water could drown out all the noise from the outside, but it couldn't stop the voices inside Heero's head from screaming…

_Heero! Heero! Heero!_

He closed his eyes and allowed the showerhead do its job, he didn't know how long he had been in the shower, a long time definitely, but he still didn't feel 'clean', as if there was some unremovable grit that was clinging to his skin. 

_Heero!_

_Stop it!!!_

He willed the voices to go away with all his might, they were making him nauseous, he had almost switched off all of the hot water, and the cold stream running down his body stung terribly. But that didn't bother him, if it would make those voices go away, he'd throw himself through the thin ice of a frozen pond.

It wasn't like he wouldn't survive it…

_Let go…_

_Let go of me…!_

Something was missing, something big, something important…very important…was still missing…

_What…?_

Every time he questioned it, all he could draw was a blank, nothing was registering, and he couldn't figure out whether it was because his emotions were still so messed up from everything he had just recalled, or whether he was actually afraid of what he might come up with, it wasn't working…

Just couldn't make it work…

                  *                                  *                                  *

_What time is it…?_

Duo wearily brought his alarm clock to his face and blinked at the bright red digits that it displayed.

_3:37pm__…_

_PM…?_

He sat up and rubbed his eyes, then he checked again.

_Yup, __3:37_…38…pm…__

_…The heck…?_

_The day is still not over?!_

With a sigh he flopped back upon his bed, reverting back to the position he had been in for the last…

_Well, by the looks of things, the last seven and a half hours…_

_Though…___

_…It feels like I've been here since the beginning of time…_

After hearing Trowa's assertion to Quatre that Heero claims to take "…no responsibility for anything I've said or done in the past few months…"  Duo had been in his room, half lying on his bed with his legs still hanging off the side. He was only dimly aware of the mess he was in, which provided an ironic contrast to the unusual tidiness of his room…

_I ran away…I couldn't win…_

_I turned to confront…I still couldn't win…_

Who can he possibly blame now?

_…Trowa …for letting Relena take him away…_

_…Quatre…for being so damnably nice he couldn't stop her…_

_…Relena…for existing…_

_…Wufei…for not hitting me early enough when he should've…_

_...Oz…for ever creating these battles and allowing Heero to get injured in the first place…_

_…The original Heero Yuy…for been assassinated…_

_…Odin Lowe…for assassinating one Heero and rearing the next one…_

_…Dr J…for sending Heero to Earth…_

_…Professor G…for sending me… _

_…The Earth…for being here…_

_…Oh heck…_

_…I'm losing it…_

_…Seriously…_

                  *                                  *                                  *

Heero inhaled deeply as he stepped, dripping wet, from the shower.

_That didn't do much to clear my head but at least I don't feel so gritty all over anymore…_

He dried himself over roughly with a towel, and pulled on some fresh clothes.

_Well…not fresh exactly, but a change of clothes at least…_

For some reason, even though he combed his room, the only outfit he could dig up was a rumpled shirt and a rolled-up pair of blue jeans, the rest of his clothing had mysteriously disappeared somehow…

_Losing your memory sucks…_

Shaking his head, Heero made his way back to his room, sticking one had in his pocket…

_My pocket…?_

_Hang on a sec…_

_What's this…?_

From that pocket he withdrew a crumpled piece of paper…

_A note…?_

Frowning, he smoothed out the sheet of paper on his desk…

…and that handwriting came into view…

"Hey! Heero!

Well you seemed to be sleeping like a baby so I decided not to wake you, the others are out on some type of errand or other and I've just got a call telling me there's something slightly wrong with one of the Gundams so I've been asked to go down there to help them check it out, nothing major, so I'll be home REAL soon! If you wake up before I get home then find something to do with yourself…and if you don't then you wouldn't be reading this note 'cos I would've gotten rid of it…

Okay now I'm just wasting time and energy and paper and ink…

SEE YA LATER!!!!

                                                                                                                  ~~~DUO" 

_…What the…_

Something clicked…

Heero's breath caught in his throat, it was as if another piece of this puzzle had been handed to him, yet he just couldn't figure out where it fit in…

_Searching…_

_…Finding…_

Flashing images passed through his mind…events that happened…words which were spoken…

_..The stove…_

_…The gas…_

_…Falling…_

_…_

_HEERO!!!_

Calling him…again, someone was calling him…but this time he could identify the voice…

_That voice!!_

For the first time, it sounded so clear, as if it had broken away from the haze that was entrapping it, Heero could finally hear…

_Duo!_

_Duo! Duo! Duo!!!_

Now he could hear his own voice screaming, screaming inside his head, a desperate cry that longed to be heard…

It was surreal, he could hear himself speaking, the words…that scene…

_I'm going to die… This really…doesn't feel so bad…no pain…peace…warm… seductive…_

_Duo…_I'll never remember my past…but I just realized…__

_Did I ever tell you…?_

_I needed you so…_

_…I think…_

_…I think…_

_…I think I…_

He collapsed upon his bed with stunned silence it started to dawn on him where that piece of the puzzle was fitting in, his hands were icy cold, and his limbs felt stiff…

_Duo…_

His hand came against something under his pillow…

The metallic iciness of the object caused him to draw him hand back in shock, as if he had been electrocuted…

Cautiously, he lifted his pillow…

_The cross…_

As he reached for the large silver crucifix, his hands started to tremble…upon contact, they were shaking so much he could barely maintain his grip…

It was coming back to him…

The gap in his memory has started to close…

Suddenly deprived of all energy, Heero could only sit there, wide eyed and breathless, as those realizations, those confessions, all sounding through his own voice, echoed through his consciousness over and over again…

_…I think I love you…_

                              *                                  *                                  *

"Perfect timing, once again"  

Wufei tapped away at the laptop, responding to another set of mission instructions, muttering small curses under his breath "It's like they _know_ when we're in a state of chaos and always have to choose _then to torture us…"_

Quatre glanced at the screen from over his shoulder "Is it bad?"

"I can't really tell, but I shouldn't think so" Wufei shook his head "This place is quite close to where Duo and I were on our last mission, and they only need two of us this time as well, so I expect it to be similar to last time, and that was…well almost a game…"

"Oh…"

"So which one of you wants to go with me on this one?"

"Huh?" 

"Well we obviously can't send 01 or 02 on this one, they're so…unstable…"

"That's not the point" Said Quatre "Trowa and I can take care of this one, your Gundam has barely had a chance to get repaired from the last battle"

"They're only minor" Wufei hardly thought anything of it.

"Still, I don't think it's a good idea, besides, you should stay here and keep an eye on those two…"

"Me?!" Exclaimed Wufei, jumping up "Why me?!"

"You're the only one who ever get s the nerve to yell at them…"

"What?!"

"Like…when Duo and Heero were all confused and stuff, you're the only one who can beat some sense into them…"

"And you can't do that because…?" 

"Well…I just…can't get the nerve to do that…" Quatre wrung his hands in frustration. 

"Wait a minute…" Wufei couldn't believe what he was hearing "You'd rather go out to war than stay here and discipline two people?!"

"Umm…" 

Wufei stuck out his tongue "I don't believe this…"

"I'm with Quatre" Trowa put in hastily "I'd rather go than stay"

"Fine fine" Wufei raised both hands in surrender "I give up, I'll stay here and keep an eye on the domestic…violence…"

"You think there'll be violence?" Quatre's eyes went round.

"No!" Wufei sighed "You know what I mean!"

"Okay then…should we leave now?" Trowa asked Quatre, who nodded furiously, acting as if he was retreating to a safer haven than a bloody battle.

"Let's go!"

                              *                                  *                                  *

_…I think I love you…_

It just wouldn't go away…

_…I think…_

_…I think…?_

_…What on earth does that mean?!_

Think…he _couldn't think. Over and over again he tried, but the results were always the same…a jumble of images, a flurry of sounds, the more he tried to break through it, the more messed up things got…and always, __always, when he could stand it no longer and withdrew from the confusion, he would hear that voice…_

Duo's voice…

_Heero! Heero! Heero!_

He whammed his own fists into the sides of his head.

_Stop it!!_

_Help me!!_

_…_

_Duo…!!_

Suddenly he was aware that he was crying, a shock in itself, he hadn't realized it until now but he must've been doing it for a long time, his shirt sleeves were soaked through and his face was damp, he could even feel his own tears running off his chin.

_Why…_

There was no way of explaining it, but there was a feeling of desperation growing in his chest, all the frustration and mystification sweeping through his senses have started to take over…

_Run…_

A different voice entered his head…

_Run from all of this Heero…_

A female…

_Run to me…_

A girl…

_Open up to me Heero…_

Relena…

_NO!!!_

Heero shook his head frantically, pulling at his own hair. 

He was suffocating…

_I need to get away!_

_I've gotta get away!!!_

_I need to…!_

_I have to…!_

_Anywhere…!_

_Just…away…___

_Away from here…___

_Away…___

_…from Duo…___

_No!!No!!!NO__!!!!_

_I can't think about him! I cant' do it! _

_No…_

_I…just…can't…_

_Duo…_

_                              *                                  *                                  *_

_Give me a sign…_

Still unmoved from his original position, Duo studied his ceiling.

_Anything…just tell me what to do…_

He needed to move, to go somewhere, do something…he felt that if he didn't move soon, he'd start collecting moss…

_This is so stupid…_

He hated lying here, who was he trying to kid? Did he really believe that if he let enough time pass, this problem would just go away on its own?

_As if…___

_But then again…___

He shut his eyes again, the other alternative didn't promise a better result, by confronting Heero, the only thing he could achieve was to bring on the pain sooner…

_Fuck…_

_Where do I go from here…?_

His radio was on, he must've turned it on at some point, though he doesn't remember doing so, and a familiar song was playing. Duo had heard it many times before but had never really paid attention to it, he knew the lyrics in the back of his head, but never really studied them, now, he faintly whistled along to a few bars of it…

_"…sameta furi suru koto de         otona ni nante narenai_

_anata__ no manazashi          mamoritai_

_kanashimi__ tsuyosa ni         kaeru ai wo shinjite…"_

_*…Pretending that the pain's worn off doesn't make you an adult…*_

_*…I want to protect that look in your eyes…*_

_*…Believe in the love that can change sadness to strength…*_

_Yeah right…_

Duo snickered.

_What do they know?_

Reaching out, he switched off the radio, and yawned exaggeratedly.

_At the very least I need to get out of this room…_

Upon that thought, he straightened his outfit and opened the door, and…

_Omigod__…_

…and immediately found himself directly opposite Heero, who had also chosen that exact moment to come out of his room.

_Of all the…_

He couldn't breathe all of a sudden, or move, much less react or say anything. For a few strained seconds the only action he could manage was to stay perfectly still, not daring to move even in the slightest…

Strangely enough, it seemed that was all Heero could manage was well…

_He's been crying!_

In all his tenseness the realization still came through to Duo, perhaps because it came as such a shock. Heero's eyes were evidently reddened, and his lips were deprived of all color.

Something slipped from Heero's hand, and fell to the floor with a loud clunk, the sound broke the tension, and as if suddenly shaken from a dream Heero tore off, without so much as a glance backwards or even remaining to pick up what he had left behind.

Duo gazed after him, noticing now that he has his senses back Heero was carrying luggage of some kind…

_He's running away…_

_…from me…___

_He's remembered…everything…_

_He's regretting his actions and he's running away from it all…._

_From all this…_

_From his false memories…___

_From me…___

It was logical, it made sense, but it hurt…

It hurt like hell…

_…Why…_

The object on the ground caught his eye, and he nearly cried out in recognition.

_…My cross…_

Heero holding it…when did Heero ever take it back?!

_What's happening? What's happening to us? What's happening to me?!_

Sweeping up the abandoned pendant, he once again backed into his room.

_Heero…_

_How am I going to get through this…?!_

_                              *                                  *                                  *_

The following morning, Wufei awoke to a completely silent house. Even before he opened his eyes he could feel that something was amiss. The air smelled and felt wrong. A sense of dread came to him…

As he entered the living room, he caught sight of the cause of that dread…

Two separate notes, placed on the coffee table, signed by two different signatures…

Without needing to pick them up, he knew exactly what had happened…

_Oh for hecks sake…_

He wanted to kill someone…namely himself.

_Why wasn't I more careful this time?!_

Briefly scanning over the notes, he felt as if he was going to be sick…

_Why did I have to stay behind? I can't take this much longer!_

_Is that all they know how to do? They're soldiers! They're Gundam pilots! How come all of a sudden the only thing they're capable of doing is running away?!!_

_Far out…___

He crumpled the notes and tossed them aside.

_Is this never going to end?_


	19. Memories, Regrets: Part three

**CHAPTER EIGHTEEN**

"You've got to be kidding! Both of them?!"

Over the screen of his laptop, Quatre was wide eyed with disbelief at what Wufei had just told him.

"Do I usually kid around?" The boy on the other end of the conversation snapped "I'm telling you, they've both taken off!"

"But…how could they? Like…why would they…but…oh for heaven's sake why the heck would they do that?!"

"I haven't been able to figure out why they do any of the stuff they've been doing lately, this one is no exception, all I know is that I'm left here alone and I have no idea where they are…"

"Hang on a sec!" Quatre interrupted "You don't know where they are?! That's so risky! What if we need backup here or something! I know they're both going through a lot right now but they still can't forget the mission!"

"It's okay Quatre" Wufei reassured "I don't know where they've gone but I can still reach them, don't worry, they may be idiots emotionally but they still haven't forgotten their posts" He paused for a moment "Wait a minute…are you saying you guys need backup over there?"

"No, no, not yet" Quatre quickly shook his head "But I have to say there's something very…odd about this mission…"

"Huh?"

"Well, it's not like they're throwing anything new at us or anything like that, in fact, so far all that we've been dealing with are mobile dolls… a lot of them…it's so weird, they never send out a lot at once, but the frequency of these attacks are so high…we barely get time to breathe once we get back from a battle before we're summoned again…it's like they're trying to tire us out or something…"

"And none of these are new models or anything?" asked Wufei.

"Uh-uh, nothing we haven't seen before, but they just keep on coming! There's like, no end to them!"

"Hmm…" Wufei frowned "And you're sure you don't need us to come out there?"

Quatre nodded slowly, he didn't seem terribly certain of what he was saying, but Wufei decided against arguing further, knowing how stubborn Quatre could get on topics as such.

"Okay…but contact me the second you feel you guys can't hack it alright? Don't do anything foolish!"

Quatre smiled "What's with all these warnings anyway? You guys are always so overprotective around me! Give me a little credit here I know what I'm doin'!"

"Fine, fine" Wufei shrugged "Just making sure…anyway I'd better get back to the all important task of going crazy thinking about 01 and 02…"

"Good luck!" The image on the screen started to phase out. "Over"

"Over and out"

                              *                                  *                                  *

Heero's eyes traced over the darkening clouds as he gazed out the window of the tiny, rundown apartment room he had chosen to be his refuge for the time been.

_It's going to rain…_

It's funny the kind of insignificant details which make themselves stand out to someone when they're doing all they can to _not _think about something.

His laptop lay open in front of him…no particular reason, at first it was his perfect-soldier cells acting in order to be alerted as soon as possible if any missions should come in, but now it was just something to keep his hands busy so he could resist the urge to blow up the place or something equally drastic. His fingers tapped away at the keys, but his eyes remained fixed on the view beyond his window. He had no idea what he was typing nor did he care…

He just didn't have the energy to care about anything else…

_If only none of this had happened…_

_If only I had some control…_

_If only I knew what I was doing…_

Not that he even knew what he was doing _now_…

_Just trying to hide I guess…_

Hiding?

_What a joke…_

…

The room was almost completely silent. The only sounds present were that of the clicking of the computer keys and the faint dripping of a faulty faucet in the background. 

_Dripping noises…_

 At first Heero hardly noticed it at all, but as time ticked by they started becoming more and more predominate to his senses. It wasn't the dripping itself that bothered him, it was the fact they so reminded him of a certain _other_ scene, a long time ago, when a similar sound was protruding the silence...only that wasn't the dripping of a tap, it was the dripping of his own blood…

_…Treatment room on the fiftieth floor of the __Alliance__ military number three medical building…He remembered himself thinking…_I've been captured…__

Those bonds that held him down, trapped and helpless…

_Just like I am now…_

The scenario was different, but the feeling was the same, he was trapped, unable to free himself from his own confusion…

_What happened after that…?_

An explosion…a lot of smoke…and…

_Duo…_

That name just wouldn't go away, it was linked to every possible thought that came to his mind, everything around him was associated to Duo in some way or another, it just wouldn't leave him alone…

_Why do I keep thinking about him? What is wrong with me?!_

His teeth clenched and he squeezed his eyes shut, his fingers typing away faster and harder than he had ever done before…but still, somewhere in his subconscious, that scene still played on, and instinctively he waited for that explosion that may free him…

_If only…_

Of course, no explosion came, instead, what woke Heero from this trance was a loud knocking on his door. Abruptly, his fingers halted and he snapped back to the present.

_Who the heck…?_

No one was suppose to know where he was, who could possibly be here to see him?

Turning back to the screen for a moment, Heero's eyes widened and he felt himself freeze as he finally noticed what it was he had been typing out all this time…

duoduoduoduoduoduoduoduoduoduoduoduoduoduoduoduoduoduoduoduoduoduoduoduoduoduoduoduoduoduoduoduoduoduoduoduoduoduoduoduoduoduo

duoduoduoduoduoduoduoduoduoduoduoduoduoduoduoduoduoduoduoduoduoduoduoduoduoduoduoduoduoduoduoduoduoduoduoduoduoduoduoduoduoduo

duoduoduoduoduoduoduoduoduoduoduoduoduoduoduoduoduoduoduoduoduoduoduoduoduoduoduoduoduoduoduoduoduoduoduoduoduoduoduoduoduoduo

duoduoduoduoduoduoduoduoduoduoduoduoduoduoduoduoduoduoduoduoduoduoduoduoduoduoduoduoduoduoduoduoduoduoduoduoduoduoduoduoduoduo

duoduoduoduoduoduoduoduoduoduoduoduoduoduoduoduoduoduoduoduoduoduoduoduoduoduoduoduoduoduoduoduoduoduoduoduoduoduoduoduoduoduo

duoduoduoduoduoduoduoduoduoduoduoduoduoduoduoduoduoduoduoduoduoduoduoduoduoduoduoduoduoduo

Before he could even start to register, the knocking started again, this time accompanied by:

"Heeeeeeeroooooo!!"

It hardly took all of Heero's ultra-high IQ to figure out who his visitor was, and strangely enough he didn't feel the need to fall into a frenzy and panic, somehow he had expected her to find him and come after him…

_What else is new…?_

Quickly he cleared the screen, feeling almost mournful for a moment as Duo's name vanished from view, before proceeding to answer the door.

"Oh Heero!"

_Relena…_

She had come alone, for once not backed up by a dozen or so bodyguards or servants, upon eye contact, she immediately burst into tears.

"Heero! I've found you Heero! I've found you!!" She threw her arms around his shoulders and sobbed "Oh my poor Heero! Why didn't you tell me? Why didn't you tell me about what you had gone through? I wouldn't have sold you out you know that! Oh Heero!!"

He stood there motionless as she tightened her grip on him, laughing and crying all the while. He didn't feel the need to ask her how she managed to locate him, she's always managed to track him whenever he went…

_To the docks…to a new school…to __Antarctica_…to outer space…__

Yes, his memory had fully recovered and he could recall all those times she had shown up out of thin air, with her pleads, her orders…that voice and image he could never escape…

_"Heero…it really is you, what are you planning to do? Who are you anyway?"_

_"Those are torpedoes aren't they? I can tell! Talk to me Heero!"_

_"Heero…who are you planning to kill?"_

_"Are you off to fight again Heero?"_

_"Heero! Destroy that man! Go ahead! Anyone associated with OZ is a disgrace to the Sanq kingdom!"_

_"Heero! It really is you Heero!"_

Finally, her hold on him loosened and stepped back to look at him. And suddenly he felt her hands all over his face.

"Oh Heero! What happened to you?" She asked in dismay as she ran her fingers along his cheeks "You look terrible! Oh my…" Her voice took on an irritating streak of sympathy "You're so much thinner than the last time I saw you! How did you get like this?!"

He turned away from her, annoyed by the stream of questions she was firing at him. He slowly headed back to his original spot in front of his laptop. Turning around, he glared at her for a moment before finally speaking:

"What do you want Relena?"

"I came to see you Heero…" A hint of uncertainty came into her eyes at Heero's tone "I…was worried…"

"You get yourself involved in far too many things for your own good" Came the reply.

"Oh Heero…" She twisted at a strand of hair "You…you know what I mean…"

He crossed his arms and sighed. "You have too many other responsibilities to be worrying about me"

"But how can I concentrate on those other things if I can't be sure that you're alright?"

"Relena…" Heero placed a hand onto his own forehead and sighed "I can't deal with you right now…in the middle of all this…I can't handle it, okay?"

"That's why I'm here Heero!" She exclaimed and rushed over and knelt down in front of him "You're lost! You're confused! You have every right to feel like that! I understand! And that is why I'm here! I'm here for you Heero! You know that! If you had told me about this earlier I'm sure it wouldn't have been as hard on you as it is now! Let me help you Heero, please!"

"Relena!" Standing up in frustration, Heero yelled "You don't get it! You say that you know everything that's happened to me yet you're acting like you have no clue! Do you know what I went through Relena? Do you _really_?!"

"Of course I do!" She was little taken back, but didn't flinch "The other boys told me, you had amnesia…you were hurt…"

"Exactly Relena! Amnesia! You know what is, don't you?!"

"Oh Heero…" She stood up as well "Of course I do…you…you lost your memory…"

"…and do you know what it feels like to have lost your memory?!" Heero bellowed in her face "I didn't know who I was or what I was meant to be like! I had no identity! I was not in a sensible state of mind!"

"Oh…Heero…" Her hands reached for his face again, as if she thought stroking him would take the anger out of his system.

Desperate to get his point through, Heero brought back the line he had spoken to Trowa earlier "I _cannot be held responsible for anything that I had said or done in the last few months! I was not myself! I don't know what I was thinking but whatever it is that I did, or said that makes you believe you can suddenly advance in on my life now…just because you did so while I had amnesia…well that wasn't me doing or saying it! Do you understand that Relena?!"_

He was ranting…it was out of character and he knew it, but he was also desperate, desperate to have a clean slate of everything she may hold him up for…it was like waking up after a drunken one-night-stand, only to regret it the next morning and wish with all one's might that they could turn back time.

She was silent for a moment, biting her lips. When she did speak again, the anxiety had left her voice and her tone was calm:

"I see…" She nodded and sighed "So that's how you feel about everything now…"

Heero glanced at her for a moment, wondering if she finally got the message and how she was going to react.

"Everything that we've gone through….that all means nothing to you now…"

He chose to remain silent. Any response he may give would surely be interpreted mistakenly.

"I understand Heero…I know you must be so eager to deny…everything…it's like a way of protection, isn't it Heero?"

She smiled, and turned away from him, for a moment Heero thought she would leave, but instead she sat down where he had been sitting a few moments before, in front of the lap top, and spoke up again:

"The way you feel now…well I can tell you probably don't want my company, you probably don't even want to see me very much…so if it helps, you can close your eyes for now…but just listen to what I have to say!"

He didn't move, just stood there crossed armed, glaring.

She took a deep breath, and began "There may be a lot of things that you've gone through that I don't know about, and I understand your desire that none of it happened…you were acting in a way you'd never had done if you hadn't lost your memory, and perhaps you regret that…but think about this Heero: Was it really so wrong? Were all those emotions you felt really mistakes? Or mere figments of your imagination? Maybe you believe that you only did it because you weren't yourself, but how different could you have possibly been? You were still you! You were still Heero Yuy! Memory or not! Your instincts were still your instincts and your feelings were still that of your own! Just because you had no memory that doesn't change who you were! Your mind…your heart…Oh Heero! I know they were still yours! They were always there, but were never awakened because of your perfect soldier personality! Well perhaps this time, all those emotions you felt…perhaps that was a calling of your subconscious! Perhaps they were there all along but you just never realized them…everything you said, everything you did…they must mean something! Don't you think so? Don't you think it's worth trying, at least, to save what we had shared? Don't you think it was of _some significance? Don't you Heero?"_

Here, she suddenly stood up and launched herself at him, who barely had time to take a step back in reflex, but before anything could happen, a sharp beeping of the laptop broke the moment.

"This is Chang Wufei to Heero Yuy. Heero do you read me? Over."

Relena's teeth gritted, this wasn't the first time that annoying Chinese pilot had ruined her moment with Heero. She shot a glare at the computer, before turning back to Heero hoping she could distract him enough to make him forget that message.

"Heero! Think about it! Search your soul Heero! Please! You must realize…"

"Heero! This is an emergency! Please respond! Over!"

Wufei's voice was more urgent this time, Heero frowned and tried to pull away.

"Heero!" Relena cried as he reached for his laptop, she stepped between him and the table, wrapped her arms around his neck, and kissed him. Lips, tongue and all.

This was a move Heero had not been preparing for, all the memories of that evening when he had suddenly found himself half-dressed, on the same bed as Relena, came rushing back to him, as if it was all being reenacted…

"Heero! I repeat, emergency! I have received new mission instructions! Please respond! Over!"

At the words "mission instructions", Heero's military instincts overcame his emotional trance, pulling away from Relena's desperately searching lips he pushed her aside and hit a few keys on his laptop, Wufei's face appeared on the screen.

"Heero! Finally!" Wufei exclaimed "We have an urgent mission here! Report to the Gundam Storage base immediately!"

"What's the problem?" asked Heero, ignoring Relena's sighs of irritation in the background.

"Trowa and Quatre are in desperate need of backup. I'll give you the full details when you get back. You'll be taking Wing Zero and Duo and I will be in a carrier with Altron and Deathscythe Hell"

"Duo…?" Heero's mind flicked at that name, and an odd feeling rose in his chest; he couldn't tell if it was anticipation or dread "He's going too?"

"Yes" Wufei's eyes narrowed as he answered "We'll see you there. Over"

The screen went blank. Heero took a moment to gather himself before snapping the laptop shut and turning to his company.

"I have to go now Relena"

"Oh but Heero!" She cried in disappointment, her eyes filled with plea "Can't you stay? Please Heero!"

"I am needed" He replied as he started to collect his belongings "Trowa and Quatre need us"

"_I need you too!" She blocked his path "I need you Heero! Can't you stay here with me? You know how much it would mean to me! I __really need you!"_

"You have the strength to go on without me, you know that" Heero told her "I have duties, I have to fulfill them"

"But…" 

"…And you have your duties too" He cut her off "You shouldn't be away from your post for so long Relena, it's about time you returned to face your responsibilities as Sovereign of the World Nation, you promised to unite the Earth and Space and to achieve that you cannot afford to be wasting time here on a mere soldier like myself"

"Oh Heero! You know you mean much more to me than any of those things!"

He stopped his task for a moment and gave her a steady glare "If that is how you feel you don't deserve what you're trying to ask for"

With that he picked up his bag and headed to the door.

"Heero!" She chased him "Heero! Please! If you feel you must go I will support you! You know I'm on your side! Whatever my position is! But at least promise you'll think about what I have said! Please Heero!"

He paused in his tracks, hope rose in her heart that he was going to come back…

But without so much as turning around, he uttered an icy "Goodbye Relena"…

…And then he was gone…

                              *                                  *                                  *

"He should be here any moment now"  Wufei shut off his computer and turned to Duo, who was sitting slouchingly at the foot of Wing Zero.

"Oh yeah?" The braided boy replied without so much as a glance up "Great…"

"You gonna act like that the whole time?" Wufei couldn't help the annoyance in his voice.

Duo shrugged "Whatever…"

His companion sighed, and shook his head "Well I'll go wait for him outside okay? You care to join me?"

Duo didn't move "Can't be bothered…"

"If that's your attitude in this battle you're gonna be killed before you have the chance to swing your scythe even once, you know that?"

Duo merely shrugged again. Wufei rolled his eyes, he had only been with Duo a few minutes and already he was driving him out of his mind. He used to think that nothing could be as annoying as Duo's non-stop chatter, but now he saw how wrong that was. This listless silence was more than a hundred times worse.

_Never thought I'd say this…but someone give me that old Duo back!!_

_…_

Duo watched him leave, he had every urge to join him out there, waiting for Heero to come, he had missed him more than he even thought himself capable of in the mere few days they had parted. Now fate had it they were brought together again…but he was so scared, so totally terrified of what may happen when they meet again. Somewhere inside in his subconscious he had been holding on to that tiny glimmer of hope that Heero will suddenly rediscover the love he had for him, in those lonely nights Duo had lain awake till the many hours past midnight, he had fantasized and dreamed about the scene of their reunion…

_…Standing, facing one another, the surroundings to silent they could hear the sound of each other's heartbeat…_

_…Heero's eyes tearing up…Duo's own eyes misting over…_

_…Duo's name escaping from Heero's trembling lips…a choked, distressed cry of need…_

_…Duo's arms opening…Heero rushing into them…_

_…The embrace…_

_…The kiss…_

_…The sweet moments that shall follow…_

He could've drowned in those fantasies…almost forgetting himself in the process…

But when reality made itself known…the pain had far outweighed the sweetness…

_…Heero…_

Seeing him again…facing that coldness…Duo knew it would shatter that dream…shatter it so badly it could never come together…and Duo was frightened of that…so desperately frightened…

His hand brushed against something on the ground. Glancing in that direction curiously he noticed it was that piece of wood Wufei had been working on the day before he 'ran away'. It wasn't, as Wufei had said, a toothpick, but a tiny replica of his beloved Gundam Nataku. It wasn't completed yet, but it had beautifully intricate details. Duo examined it for a moment, before reaching for his own pocket knife and proceeding with the project himself.

_If I wreck this Wufei's gonna kill me…He thought…__But then that may not necessarily be a bad thing…_

 Metal blade glided over wood, Duo tried to put all his energy into that piece of wood…something he had been doing a lot of lately, as if he believed that if he concentrated on one thing hard enough, the rest of the world would cease to exist…

"Duo! Heero has arrived, prepare to leave now!" Wufei's voice came over the intercom, sounding professional and indifferent.

_Heero!_

In his initial shock Duo lost sight of the knife in his hand, and upon the next stroke the blade sunk into his hand, the pain from that cut aching him back to his senses.

He glanced at his hand, an even straight line across his palm, the blood start to bead up at the edge of the wound…

Watching it…watching his blood flow…it was almost fascinating. It wasn't the first time he had bled of course, but he had never stopped to examine the blood before. And he never realized it was such a beautiful thing, fresh blood…bright red and almost shiny, the cut wasn't deep, but it was enough for the blood to continuously bead up, and run down his arm.

Moving as if his actions were directed by another power, he found himself swiping the blade down his palm again. A parallel line to his first cut. Again…the processing of pain, blood and streaking repeated itself…again he watched and was entranced…

But he was still not satisfied, it was a weak moment, it was an act of self-torture…he was looking for physical pain to cover that within himself…

This time, he brought the tip of the knife down diagonally across the other two slashes, the pain of wound on top of wound finally satisfied the hunger of his heart, and he smiled bitterly as he watched the three rivers of red run down his hand…his wrist…his arm…dripping off his elbow…

_It kinda looks like two crosses…He thought…remembering his own precious necklace…_Joined at the horizontal…__

_Actually…_

He looked closer…

_It looks…like an H…_

_H…_

A door slammed open…

…And that voice was heard…

"Duo!"

Looking up, not fully recovering from his ordeal with the blade, Duo could hardly tell if he was awake or dreaming when he met that pair of Prussian eyes…not cold and steely as he was expecting, but so full of passion they reverted Duo back to that insanely wonderful time when Heero had been his…

He smiled weakly, and closed his eyes…he had to be dreaming…Heero's eyes didn't hold that kind of emotion in reality…and his voice couldn't possibly be so overflowing with feeling as he had just heard…

_My mind is playing tricks on me…_

Suddenly he felt someone grabbed his left hand…his bleeding hand. His eyes flew open and he sat there, unable to breathe as he realized he wasn't dreaming after all…

_Heero!_

He was there, beside him, the look in his eyes hadn't changed, they were wide with panic and alarm. Duo was mesmerized as he watched Heero wrap his own hand around his wrist, wiping away at the blood…looking for the wound…

"Heero…" He whispered, and that was all he could manage.

"What did you do Duo? What did you do to yourself?!"

The voice was coming from Heero's lips, but Duo could hardly believe it…he sounded as if he was ready to cry…

"I'm…I'm fine…" He stuttered. "I…just cut my hand accidentally…"

Heero ran his fingers over Duo's wrist a few more times, then suddenly he let go, and backed away.

"Oh…sorry…"

Duo's heart raced…

_He thought I slashed my wrist! He finally realized the cause of that panic. _He thought I was committing suicide!__

Despite the frosty glaze that now covered the emotion in Heero's eyes, and although his expression was harder than ever, Duo still couldn't help feeling a ridiculous rush of excitement.

_He was worried about me! He almost smiled as he traced his own fingers over his wrist. _He was so worried!__

_…Does that mean…_

_…Does that mean he really…does still care?_

It wasn't nearly the same as his fantasy, but it was perhaps the nearest reality could get…

_It's there…it has to be...all those feelings he had felt for me…they must still be there! Deeply buried perhaps…but they must still be there!_

"Alright you two!" Wufei had to cut in at last "We have a mission on our hands here!"

"Right" Heero took a deep breath and nodded "The carrier is ready to go, so you take off first, I'll follow in Zero"

"You sure you'll be able to handle it?" asked Wufei, just as caution.

"Yes" Heero replied with such certainty it surprised the other two. Then, without any further comments, he started his ascend to the cockpit.

"You really had to do that right before a battle didn't you?" Wufei turned to Duo once Heero was gone "How are you going to operate your Gundam now?"

"I'll be fine…" replied Duo hazily as he headed for the carrier. "It's no big deal…"

"I hope so…" Wufei grunted, and followed.

"Trust me…I'll be fine…"

_Yes…I'll be fine…_

_Heero…_

_You gave me something to hold on to…_

_If it took those cuts for you to find those emotions hidden deep within your tormented and confused heart…_

_If that's what it took…I'll bleed an ocean to have your love back…_

_Heero…_

_I'm not afraid anymore…I have hope now…_

_I know it wasn't a mere illusion…_

_Yes…_

_I have faith…_

_Everything will be alright…_

**A/N: **I know the mood of this chapter was a bit different to the rest…darker perhaps…but I'm having mood swings here (That happens when you start school after a loooooooong overseas holiday…sigh….). And before anyone tells me again, yes , I KNOW the cutting thing is "horribly cliché" (and I for one, hate cliché! Eep!!) but the process still, for lack of a better word, fascinates me, I have a really good friend who does it (only with scissors instead of a knife, don't ask) and I had her describe most of that for me…Sorry if it made anyone else *cringe*…I'm allowed _one bad chapter right?  (or a few…ahe…)_


	20. Revelations: Part one

**CHAPTER NINETEEN**

_What the heck was I thinking?!_

Heero's grip on the controls have become so forceful he was running the risk of pulling the whole system apart, he knew he was already flying at too high a speed for the carrier to keep up with, but that was just about the last thing he could worry about at this point…

There was the mission, the all-important mission lying ahead of him, he needed to concentrate on it, he needed to think out strategies, make plans, predict the unpredictable…it was what he grew up with, the way he was taught to think constantly as far back as he had ability to think for himself… 

He shook his head, trying to shake the image of Duo from him memory, or rather, trying to shake that moment of violent fear from his memory….to have seen him lying there with his eyes closed, and streams of blood running down his arm…Heero's mind had blanked…his guard fell, his mask was ripped from him…he didn't know what he was doing but for a split second all he wanted to do was break down and sob uncontrollably…

…and die…

He wanted so badly to die…

To die in Duo's place…

To die for him…

Or to die with him…

_But what the heck processed me to think like that?!_

That was what he couldn't figure…how he lost his logic so suddenly…

_What happened to my judgment?! There wasn't nearly enough blood there to resemble a slashed wrist! How could I have thought that?!_

At first he tried pushing it all down to momentary insanity, after all, he had just recovered from a few months of living with amnesia…but then again…

_Then I touched him! I touched his hands! And they were perfectly fine…so why couldn't I get control of myself then?!_

No, there was no logical explanation, and really, he didn't feel up to trying to come up with one. What he needed to do now was to push the those thoughts to the back of his mind with all his might, and focus on the mission ahead…

If only it was that simple…

                              *                                  *                                  *

"Did you see that Wufei? Did you?" 

Having barely finished bandaging his hand, Duo was already using it to grip his comrade's arm as he nervously repeated his question over and over "Did you see? Did you?"

"I'm not trying to be unsympathetic Duo" Wufei sighed as he shook free of the grasp "But now's not the time to be thinking about that! If you don't pull your concentration back to where it's suppose to belong, we could be in some serious trouble"

"I know I know…" Duo twisted the remaining bandages in his hand "But can you blame me for that Wufei? Can't you even try to understand me right now?"

Wufei gritted his teeth "Let me say this again Duo: Now is not the time!"

"Would you stop been such a prick?!" Duo yelled, annoyed "Do you have any idea how I feel right now? How can you expect me to behave in any other way? Didn't you see Heero? Didn't you see how he was acting? The expression on his face! His tone of voice when he called out to me! How can I _not_ be feeling this anxiety? Why can't you understand that?"

"We're on a mission Duo!"

"The mission, the mission! Why is it that's all you guys are ever capable of thinking of?"

"As soldiers, yes!"

_"…Nanimo yuzuranaide_

_Wakariaeru__  hito__ gaireba  _

_tatakau__ koto dekiru kara…"_

_*…Don't surrender to anything…*_

_*…Because when you have someone who understands you…*_

_*…You can fight on…*_

Duo banged the back of his head against his seat "I saw it…can't you just confirm I wasn't hallucinating?"

"If you want a confirmation, you should be asking him, not a third party"

"Ask…him…? You mean Heero?"

"No I mean go ask Howard! Sheesh! Of COURSE I mean Heero!"

"I…can't…"

"Oh God, Duo! Please don't make me do the speech again!"

"You're that certain?"

"Yes! When we arrive, confront him! Drill the answers out of him! You've pestered him before, you can do it again! Stop hesitating like this or you'll lose your chance, and like I've said before…" He bit his lip "You'll regret that forever"

"Are you saying something's gonna happen to Heero?" Duo's eyes widened nervously "Don't jinx him!"

"I'm not trying to jinx him!" Wufei replied "I'd just hate to see you guys loose any more time"

"Why do you keep talking like that? It's like you're _so_ sure one of us is going to die in the next battle!"

"That's…not what I meant…" Wufei's expression darkened suddenly "Look, just forget I said anything okay? 

"Fine, fine…" Duo turned away "Sheesh you can be so tetchy sometimes!"

"Well you chose to pester _me"_

"Okay then, so I asked for it…" Duo sighed "How long till we get there anyway? I want to talk to Quatre…hopefully he doesn't think I'm a complete moron yet…"

"Talk to Quatre…?"

"Yup! I mean, don't get me wrong, I respect your advice, just…wanna get another person's point of view that's all…I'm pretty sure he's just gonna say the same thing you did…but still…"

"I…don't think so…"

"Huh?"

"I…he's not…" The words seem to have left Wufei all of a sudden, he gripped the controls tighter and swallowed hard "He…might not…you're…you probably…probably won't get to…to…talk to…"

Duo glanced back at him warily, obviously there was something Wufei hasn't told him.

"What's happening? What are you trying to say?!"

"I don't  think you'll get to talk to Quatre, Duo" Wufei finally untwisted his tongue "He's…not going to be able to talk to you…"

"What the…?!" Duo's eyes widened "What's that suppose to mean?! Omigod…" His heart raced "Has something happened to Quatre?!"

Wufei didn't reply, nor did he look in Duo's direction.

"Wufei! Answer me goddammit!" Duo grabbed the Asian boy by the shoulder "You trying to drive me insane here?!"

"I…can't be sure of anything yet…I can't say for certain…"

"Something's happened!" Duo cried with utter frustration "Spill it Chang!"

"I…"

"I don't' give a damn what you're certain and not certain of! Just tell me what you know!"

"Alright alright!" Wufei finally surrendered "But I don't you to freak out or any…"

"Freak out?!" Duo felt as if he was on the edge of hysteria, what with everything that's just happened with Heero, and the thought of what may have happened to Quatre…what Wufei just said seemed so incredibly hilarious "What the hell do you think I'm doing now?!"

"Okay then listen" Wufei placed the carrier into auto-pilot and turned to Duo "When I got the instructions for this mission, I was also given a very brief overview of the situation there…"

Duo was all ready to strangle his companion at the rate he was going, but he knew that if he acted any more vexed Wufei would refuse to tell him anything.

"It seems that our last mission was actually a fluke—a trap to mislead us into thinking this mission would be easy and hence put down our guard…normally that wouldn't work…but with what's been going on lately…" He paused momentarily "I'm disgusted with ourselves that we did…"

"So…" Duo was catching on "Are you going to tell me that the enemy is a lot more stronger that we initially…Oh…my…" He suddenly realized what Wufei meant by 'He's not going to be able to talk to you', or at least he thought he did. "Is Quatre hurt? Has he been injured or…something…?!"

"What?" A look of surprise came into Wufei's eyes.

"It's Quatre isn't it?" Duo concluded with certainty "What happened? Is it serious?! Why didn't you tell me earlier?!"

"Quit jumping to conclusions Duo!" Wufei said, irritated "Quatre's not wounded or anything, he's fine…well, sort of…" He trailed off.

"So exactly what is wrong?!" Duo grabbed Wufei's shoulders and shook him "Why are you acting so weird? Just tell me straight and quit dancing around the details!"

"I've been told…" Wufei began, trying to meet Duo's eyes as he spoke, but failed to do so, instead, he shifted his unsteady gaze to Duo's left shoulder as the uttered the words he had wished he didn't have to say "I've been told that…

…Trowa is dead"

                              *                                  *                                  *

_…Was it really so wrong? Were all those emotions you felt really mistakes?_

_…Your emotions were always there, but were never awakened because of your perfect soldier personality!_

_…You were still you! You were still Heero Yuy! Memory or not! Your instincts were still your instincts and your feelings were still that of your own!_

_…Everything you said, everything you did…they must mean something! Don't you think so? Don't you think it's worth trying, at least, to save what we had shared? Don't you think it was of some significance? Don't you Heero?"_

Those words never left him, they reverberated through his mind, and each time he heard them again they found they way deeper into his heart…

"Was it really so wrong?" He muttered to himself "Were they mistakes? I was still me…wasn't I? Significance…it was of…_some_ significance…what significance?" He shook his head "Why the heck would any of that be of any significance to me?!"

He stared ahead at the endless spread of clouds, wishing that this road of confusion would come to an end.

"Guide me, Zero" He whispered "Show me something besides who my enemies are, I wish you could show me my own heart"

The system remained inactive, it wasn't designed for this purpose.

"I can't let this keep going on, I can't stand the way things are! It's like everyone is waiting for me to…to _do something, but heck! Why can't you tell _me_ what to do?!"_

_I know the full story now…I have all the information I need…_

_…And yet I still can't make a decision…_

_…I still cannot find the answers…_

He could almost laugh at himself.

_Everyone thinks I'm so smart…so able to do everything like it was of nature…so capable of finding my own way…so sure of where I was going…_

_Well to hell with them!_

There he was, piloting the mobile suit that everyone felt was created just for him, he should be feeling so much at ease, surrounded by such familiarity, being placed back into his natural environment from which he had been deprived of for so long.

But that wasn't happening, and it was annoying the hell out of him.

_Everything happens for a reason, right? _

At least that was what he had believed in before, but now, after all that's happened, he couldn't see that there was ever a reason for it.

_The reason…_

_What reason…?_

_Hang on a sec…_

_…Duo…?_

_ He suddenly seem to be shaken out of the daze he had been in for the past few minutes, and with wide eyes, he stared at the image that had risen before his eyes._

"Duo?" Heero called out with shock, he blinked a few times, before looking again, the image did not alter, "Duo?!"

Never mind that it didn't make any sense as to why Duo would be floating around outside Wing Zero in mid-air, grinning at him, and reaching out with both hands.

Heero lifted one hand to touch the screen, delicately as if afraid to break that illusion.

_Duo…what does this mean? What are you trying to tell me?_

Heero's vision came to Duo's hands, and he realized with horror that they were, again, drenched in that all-too-familiar yet still terrifying color…

Crimson…

And the scene repeated itself all over again…

 "Duo! What are you doing?!" He cried, the panic that had overtaken him earlier when he had witnessed a similar scene came to him again, yet he couldn't remember what had happened after that…

"Duo!"

The smile faded, his beautiful cobalt eyes closed, yet his hands, those blooded covered hands, still reached out to Heero as he fell away from him, away from him and into the world below.

"DUO!"

Heero's eyes snapped open, and he found himself panting heavily. Looking up, the view had been the same as it ever was, clouds, sky, and more clouds. Glancing over to another monitor he realized that he had left the carrier too far behind. Though he was slightly puzzled as to why he didn't get signaled to slow down, he didn't have the energy to wonder about it. Absently he reduced his velocity; it was hardly the first thing on his mind right now.

"Duo" Again he repeated that name, and surprisingly didn't feel foolish saying it to himself "Duo…Duo…Duo…"

With each repetition he heard his tone changing, and it seemed to get more _familiar_ each time…that may sound strange, becoming more familiar with one's own voice, but there was no other way of putting it.

"Did I ever tell you…"It was as if he was mimicking his own thoughts on that fateful day, the day that he had nearly died and had felt that apprehension "I think I…"

_Say it! A voice in his head commanded. __Just say it! Just say it and see how you feel when you do! Say it! Let yourself go! Stop trying to hold everything back! You can't pretend that nothing's happened, you can't run from the truth forever! If you keep hiding like this you'll just be living a lie!_

"I may run and I may hide, but I never tell a lie"

_Dammit!_

"Did I ever tell you, I…I…I needed you so…I think…I think I…"

_Stop stuttering already! Just say it! Since when did Heero Yuy ever stutter?!_

There was no one around, no one to hear him, it was the perfect time to try…

_Evaluate your feelings after the words come out! You'll never know if you never try! Say it! Stop thinking about it! Quit hesitating over it! Say it! Say it! Say it!!!_

"Alright already!" Heero yelled at himself, he couldn't take those silent screams any longer.

They were less than thirty minutes from their destination, the carrier was catching up to the Gundam.

"Now or never" Heero sighed, feeling as if something had taken over his body and mind. He took a deep breath, gripped the controls, and closed his eyes.

"Duo…

…I think I love you"

**A/N: The drought is over. Olivia is still not dead! Okay, even though almost NOTHING happened here, the next chapter shall have a lot more action! Promise! And less "thoughts" going on, I have to drop the confusion mode don't I? (I realize I've been saying that for a while…but eh…)**

Next chapter will be up soon (I mean it!), and I've also going to update "To be the Winner" if anyone is interested. Also thinking about started 2 new fics that have been haunting me for ages, "A time for Us" and "My Guardian Dreams", will you support me then?

To those people who haven't given up on me…a BIG thank you!^^


	21. Revelations: Part two

**A/N: English is not my first language.**

**CHAPTER TWENTY**

It wasn't the anticipated sweetness that followed after Heero heard his own voice utter those few, frightening words.

"I think I love you…"

Yet, the feeling that followed was not fear either, nor was it confusion or anxiety…

He didn't feel any of those things…

It was relief.

It was that same feeling he had experienced when he had awoken so many nights during his amnesia, having been shocked out of his sleep by that reoccurring nightmare.

_Darkness, fire, the endless running…_

Waking up and finding Duo, finding comfort in those loving, open arms…Been reassured that…

_I can stop running now…_

_I don't need to run away from anything anymore…_

A strange sensation came into his chest, as if a huge burden had bee lifted from it. A faint smile came to his lips. It had been so easy, he had imagined that the very thought of saying those words, even to himself, would be so hard, so frightening difficult and had desperately wanted to avoid it. He had been looking for an escape.

_But what was there to escape from? He could almost laugh at how easy it was…_It's not frightening, it doesn't feel wrong…I never needed to run…__

 Not that he suddenly had a frantic urge to turn on the comm. Link and make a screaming declaration of love to Duo over their radio speakers, but at least he wasn't confused anymore. Of course he still had doubts over what Duo's side of this story would be like right then after all they've been through. But at least, he had found where he stood.

_I'll just have to take things on from here…admission wasn't that hard after all, but the road form there onwards does not always promise to be smooth…_

_Just take things as they come I guess._

Destination was in sight. Heero started his descent.

                              *                                  *                                  *

As he stepped off the carrier, Duo felt as if the ground beneath him was trembling. Though his steps were steady, nothing else seemed to be.

_Trowa is dead_

His throat felt tight, and his whole body felt cold. He wrapped his arms around himself but that still didn't prevent the shivering.

_Trowa is dead…_

It was always a possibility, and Duo knew it. As much as he didn't want to think about it, deep down, the knowledge was always there.

But that didn't make things any easier when the dreaded event really happened, no amount of preparation could really train a person to "just accept it" when something like this happens. And while Duo was always aware of the risk in battle, somehow, in a subconscious way, he had convinced himself that if any of them were to die, he'd be the first one. Not Trowa, not anybody else.

Or maybe that was just what he _wanted to believe._

_Trowa is dead?_

He registered the words, he understood the situation, but it was one thing to understand and another to accept. He didn't want to accept, accepting it is admitting it, and somehow he felt that as long as he denied it, there was still a chance. It was an unsubstantiated theory, and an unfamiliar feeling at that. But lately he had felt that denying the truth, or what seemed to be so, was the only way he could hold on to hope. Just like he refused to accept the fact that he may never have Heero, here, he was doing the same thing…

_Trowa is…_

_…_

Wufei watched him from close by with a heavy heart. He regretted letting it slip that something was amiss, and even more that he had given in to Duo's demands. It should've been easy to predict this would be his reaction, no matter how many times Wufei assured him afterwards that it was just an supposition, and still yet had very little evidence to back it up, he just wouldn't listen, nothing was going in.

_Trowa…_

And he couldn't even see or notice it when Heero approached him.

"Duo…?"

It took a while for Heero's hesitant voice to reach Duo's conscious mind, and even when it did, he didn't seem to be able to respond to the call.

Heero stopped in his tracks, confused at Duo's lack of response, he frowned slightly, contemplating whether or not to proceed when suddenly the other boy looked up, and rushed to him.

"Oh God! Heero!" Duo cried upon reach "What are we going to do? What are we going to do?" He repeated that question over and over, gripping onto Heero's arms and shaking him "What are we going to do?"

Right before Heero had alighted from his Gundam, he had imagined a number of possible ways in which Duo may greet him, but this definitely was not one of those scenarios. Taken by utter surprise, he could do nothing but look down at the hysterical boy with wide eyes while trying desperately, but unsuccessfully, to figure out what's got Duo worked up so.

_He's having a breakdown just because we have a mission? That can't possibly be it! Duo doesn't get scared about going to war…_

_What else could possibly be wrong?_

"Trowa's dead, Heero!" Duo's choked cry answered Heero's silent question "Trowa's dead!"

_What the hell?_

Heero felt numb.

_What the hell is this idiot saying? I don't understand…_

"What?!" Was the only word Heero could force out, he felt as if an explosion had just gone off in his chest. "What the fuck…?"

"Trowa's dead!" Can't you hear me?! He's dead!" Duo finally looked up to meet his eyes, and even through his numb shock, Heero still got a start at how red and unsteady those once-shining cobalt eyes looked…

"No he's not…" Heero denied, almost like an automatic reflex "What are you talking about? Quit blabbering and calm down! You have no idea what you're saying!"

"I'm not blabbering!" Duo's grip tightened as he shook Heero harder, it almost violent, he couldn't control it.

"Don't listen to him" Wufei finally spoke "It's my fault, I shouldn't have said anything…"

"Oh so by not telling me it means that the situation doesn't exist anymore?!" Duo let go of Heero and turned on Wufei "Is that what you're saying?! Is it?!" He laughed, a bitter, maniacal laugh "Hell then! No one should've told me that this war ever existed! Maybe the empty strive for peace would've ended by now! And _no one had to die for it!"_

"What the _hell is going on?!" Heero demanded, a mixture of frustration, fear and anger in his voice. "Wufei would you just tell me what the matter is? How could Trowa be dead?!"_

"He's _not!" Since Duo refused to accept this claim, Wufei had little hope that Heero would, but he felt he had to try anyway "When I got the mission instructions there was some hint that he was, but there's no real evidence! I emphasized over and over again it was only a guess, but this stupid fool just wouldn't listen to me!"_

_Baka! Why the heck  are we just standing here then?!_

"Well…" Heero said through gritted teeth "Why are we just talking here? Shouldn't we be trying to find out what's going on? Standing around here is not going to achieve anything!"

Upon hearing his words, Duo seemed to calm down slightly. He turned and met Heero's eyes.

_No matter what you've been through Heero…Duo thought in a misty haze…__You're still the perfect soldier…_

"You're right" He said in a still shaky voice "We're wasting time here.

And with that, the three of them set out on their way.

                              *                                  *                                  *

Being situated near a battlefield, the hospital was typically in permanent disarray. As soon as Heero, Duo and Wufei stepped through the doors, they felt like they would suffocate in the dense air within those walls. Everyone seemed to be rushing around, the nurses, the doctors, the visitors and even some of the patients. The smell of blood hung in the air, and the whole placed seemed to be filled with yelling, crying, anguished people.

It definitely did _not make the three boys feel any better. _

Making their way to the receptionist's desk was no easy task, there were just too many people there, and not enough staff members to match.

Finally, Duo's patience, what little there was, gave out.

"Get the fuck out of my way!" He roared, elbowing his way through the small crowd that stood between him and where he wanted to go "_Emergency_!" Once through, he grappled the edge of the desk fiercely, his voice tingling with ferocity "I'm looking for a soldier who was brought in here around yesterday, by the name Trowa Barton"

The woman at the desk looked at him with wide eyes, shocked and alarmed by the sudden outburst.

"Didn't you hear me?! Trowa Barton!" Duo screamed again, banging his fist down in front of her repeatedly until Wufei caught hold of his wrist.

"Well? What are you waiting for woman?!" Wufei yelled at the receptionist "Tell us where he is!"

"Y…yes sir!" She hastily typed away at her computer, then, in a shaky voice, she said "We have one patient here name Trowa, he's currently in an intensive care unit"

"Intensive care?!" Duo exclaimed, hope rising rapidly in his heart "He's not dead then?!" He asked, leaning over the desk at the poor receptionist.

"N…not from what I can see from here…" She stuttered. 

"Oh my God!" Duo turned to his companions, unable to express his relief, he just kept repeating "Oh my God! Oh my God! Oh my…"

"So where is the intensive care unit?" asked Heero.

"Third floor, room 303"

 "Thank you" said Heero, and they pushed their way out of the surrounding crowd and made a beeline for the elevators.

"Oh my God!" Duo still couldn't stop saying that repetitively, smiling rather stupidly.

Wufei and Heero exchanged a look, neither were as prepared to give into relief as easily as Duo was. Even though Trowa was still alive, it didn't automatically signify that things were all right all of a sudden. There was still no promise that Trowa was going to survive.

                              *                                  *                                  *

_So cold…_

Quatre shivered, and he wrapped his arms around himself, but that just made him feel colder still. He sat hunched over in a small, metal chair within that small, chilling room.

He wasn't alone, but he had never felt so lonely and lost in his life, as if part of him had died. His heart ached so much it had become numb, and no tears could fall from his eyes as they were frozen within his soul.

_Trowa….Silence surrounded him in an icy blanket, he closed his eyes…_Trowa…__

It didn't matter that he had only been in that room for less than 24 hours, it felt like an eternity already, he felt as if he was watching a little bit of his life slip away with every passing moment. 

In some sense, he wished it would end soon.

_Trowa…_

Suddenly, the silence was broken.

"Trowa! Quatre!"

                              *                                  *                                  *

Though he didn't know what they'd find when they reached the room they had been directed to, Heero was sure it wouldn't be anything pleasant, and his prediction was realized as soon as the door to that room was opened.

"Quatre?" He heard Duo's voice call out "Trowa! Quatre!"

Slowly, the blond figure lifted his gaze, his eyes filled with dull pain. Quatre said nothing, but that look showed sorrow that no words could possibly describe.

"Oh…Quatre…" Duo whispered as he approached his friend, Heero could tell Duo was trying to come up with something comforting to say, but was failing miserably.

He shifted his gaze to the rusty hospital bed beside which Quatre was sitting, and even he couldn't help his heart from aching at the sight that met his eyes.

_Oh Trowa..._

Countless images flashed through his mind, images from when he had no memory, from when he was a completely different person…__

Flute tunes at midnight, those piercing yet soothing green eyes, the soft, calm voice that he had been so drawn to in the first few weeks of contracting amnesia…Heero had not forgotten that feeling, and no matter what his feelings are now, the things he felt for Trowa back then were definitely real. Real enough to hurt…

_Trowa…                                                                                                                            _

Although the bed was by no means large, the figure in it seemed so terribly small and fragile. The thin bed covers were only pulled up to just above his waist, and the blood-stained bandages which covered his chest were painfully visible. The extra-long lock of brown hair hung limply over the side of his face, his complexion so pale it was practically the same shade as the hospital linen that surrounded him. There were countless numbers of tubes and needles attaching him to various machines around the room, and his nose and mouth were covered by an oxygen mask.

_How could this have happened? To Trowa?!_

"I can't believe this…" Duo said in a tortured voice "They…the enemy must possess weapons more powerful than we could've ever imagined to have done this to Trowa!"

"That's not true" Quatre's voice was so low it was barely audible "The enemy is weaker that I had ever thought"

"What?" asked Wufei, frowning "What are you saying? How…"

"Duo you really think," Quatre cut in, a hint of anger in his voice "that anyone, _anyone at all, could've done this to Trowa if he had been in his Mobile Suit? Or any mobile suit for that matter! This is Trowa! No one could've done that!"_

Had that statement had been made under playful, or at least relaxed situations, any of the three other pilots would've jumped in at this point to defend their pride, but obviously that wasn't the first thing on their mind right then. What Quatre had said made complete sense, their enemy wasn't nearly that strong.

 "So what happened?" Wufei asked, both impatient and frustrated "How did it get like this?"

Quatre didn't reply, he shifted his gaze back to Trowa, twisting a corner of the bed sheet.

"Quatre?" Duo tried "What happened? Can you tell us that please?"

"I…" The blond cringed slightly "I don't even know…"

"What?" Duo exclaimed "How could that be?!"

"I mean…I know what happened, but…I still can't understand how…and why it had to happen…I'm so useless…"

"That's not true Quatre"

"Yes it is! I'm a soldier! And I can't even protect anyone! What else am I good for?!"

"It's not as if this is any of your fault!"

"But I should've been there!" Quatre exclaimed, he reached out and grabbed one of Duo's wrists, gazing up at him with desperate, tear-filled eyes "I should've been there to protect him!"

"What happened Quatre?" Duo asked again, growing more confused and worried with each passing moment "Tell us!"

"Trowa… was shot" He finally answered.

"What?!" Duo cried "How is that possible?! Trowa's more than able to protect himself from something like that! What could…"

He abruptly stopped himself when he noticed the growing anguish on Quatre's face.  "Sorry…" He whispered.

"You think I didn't know that?" The question came in a hoarse whisper as Quatre's hands loosened their grasp, and slid into his lap "Or else I never would've even thought of leaving him on his own! But how could I have guessed that those sore-excuses for soldiers would stoop so low as to…as to try and attack him!"

"They attacked?!" Wufei asked sharply "How? How could they possibly got past your lines of defense? Wouldn't you have noticed long before they had a chance to attack?"

"They didn't use mobile suits" Quatre shook his head miserably "They couldn't beat us in mobile suits…so…" He gritted his teeth "they chose to attack the pilots instead…"

The three other boys in the room glanced at each other, beginning to understand.

"I think they were planning to sneak into our quarters somehow, maybe after we were asleep…but then…but then Trowa said he wanted going outside for a while, and I said I was too tired, so he went by himself…and…he must've stumbled upon them somehow…and…and they…" His fists clenched "_Dammit_! I should've gone with him!"

"You couldn't have helped it…"

"Stop saying that Duo! Don't you get it? I didn't sense anything when he walked out, I didn't sense _anything! Isn't that the only thing I'm suppose to be good for? You say that I have the 'heart of outer space' and I couldn't sense anything when someone that close to me was in danger! I couldn't feel it! I didn't feel anything until I heard the gunshot…and by then…" He buried his face in his hands, the tears finally starting to flow, his body shook as he tried to muffle and hold back his sobs._

Duo knelt down and placed an arm around Quatre's trembling shoulders, he glanced up briefly at Heero's face, and was startled when he found those intense Prussian blue eyes looking right back at him. Heero's expression seemed mixed and hard to read, Duo didn't quite know what to make of it.

After a moment of silence, Quatre's sobs subsided somewhat, and Duo tentatively asked "So…after that, did they try to hurt you?"

Quatre slowly shook his head "I think Trowa's appearance shocked them or something, but he was alone, so…they tried to kill him…when I ran out there, they all seemed so panicked… they were all so fuckin' useless!" He cursed angrily "If it weren't for the fact there were so many of them…there's no way they could've laid a finger on Trowa"

"How many of them were there?"

"I don't know" He shook his head again "But at least four or five…I didn't get to count…"

"So…they got away?"

"They were panicked…and that's what cowards do, right? The only thing they _know_ how to do? Run away?"

"Damn those bastards!" Wufei, who had held his silence till then, suddenly cut in with the outburst, "Is that all they're capable of doing? Attacking their enemy only when they're off-guard? That just shows you how weak and spineless they are! They have no right to call themselves soldiers!"

His tone was so full of fury, Heero couldn't help turning to looking at him. This was perhaps the first time he had seen Wufei so angry. Not just anger that came from irritation or annoyance, but real, fiery rage. It burned so intensely within him, that one could almost see the flames in his eyes. Perhaps it was because he saw this as injustice to the extreme, or perhaps…

_Or perhaps…_

Trowa's words again echoed in Heero's mind…

_"Underneath it all…they do care…"_

He traced a finger over his chest, circling the spot where he could feel his heartbeat.

_"Follow you heart…the only way to live is to follow your emotions…"_

_Yes…that was it…that was what I had taught him…the only piece of advice I had ever given to anyone…_

_Now I don't even know how to follow it…_

His gaze wandered over the occupants of the tiny, depressing room. 

Over Trowa, barely recognizable, his life hanging in the balance, victimized by the one thing he should never have been subjected to…

_"We truly do care…it's the closest thing to a family that we've got…"_

_Whether or not he realizes it, what Trowa had said is true… it's so evident…just by looking at them now, it's so easy to tell how they feel…it's time the masks were taken off…_

Over Quatre, his tear-stained face, his trembling body, expressions of grief, sorrow and regret, his heart deprived of hope and belief…

_"To know when you've found someone, the one who gives you a sense of comfort, the feeling of security, one whom you know you can trust…"_

_Does there within this finding, lie the risk and wound of farewell?_

Over Wufei, burning with anger, clenched fists, the self-proclaimed decider of justice, yet somewhere deep within him, it could be sensed, he never believed there was such a thing…

_"Don't waste your chance… don't end up the way I did, don't wait until it's too late, find out while you can… _you can't afford to waste time, because that's one thing no one has a grasp on…"__

_No one wants to have any regrets…but can we honestly say we have control over whether or not we will have any?_

Over Duo…gazing right back at him, his eyes reflected the very image of Heero himself…

_And my own words? The one thing I had held my pride to all this time?_

_I can't even be certain of myself anymore…_

Duo's eyes lowered, and avoided Heero's gaze. Was he intimidated? Heero couldn't tell. 

_I have found my heart…I was so sure of it when I said it… "Duo, I think I love you"…I can say it over and over again without feeling any doubt or hesitation…_

_…but what is the use of saying it only to myself? _

He turned his head towards the window, and noticed in mild surprise that it had started to rain. Hard.

_A storm? Yes, I heard that distant thunder…is this the same storm? _

_That seems so long ago…yet it's only been a couple of hours at most…what else had happened before I left?_

_Oh…_

Another voice, a female one, entered his mind:

_"You were still Heero Yuy! Memory or not! Your instincts were still your instincts and your feelings were still that of your own!"_

He glanced back at Duo again.

_Maybe that's it…maybe I had never really listened to my own advice as well as I thought I did… I followed my emotions in battle, I always knew what path was right for me once I step out onto the battlefield, who my enemies were, and how they should be eliminated…_

_Heero Yuy, they call me perfect soldier. No hesitations in his tasks on hand, no confusion as to which road he should take…_

_But my feelings? Are they so confined to war and bloodshed? There's more to me than that…_

_Amnesia…was it a way of telling me? Without my memory, I was not a soldier, I was not 'perfect'. I made mistakes of judgment so many times, I had felt lost, and confused, I had  felt loneliness and misery…but I had also felt genuine happiness, I felt loved and needed…_

_Heck! I actually felt_!__

_Follow my emotions…but to follow them I had to know them…_

_For so long I have been without…I have been confined to the few military instincts which I thought were all there is to my heart…_

_But I've found them._

_I know now, I have found them.._

_But to follow them?_

_Finding the road was tough, but by no means is following it any easier…_

_Duo?_

_Can you tell me? Can you tell me what I should do? _

_Can you give me the instructions? I have always been so good at listening instructions and obeying orders, can you direct me now? Can you lead me? Can you set me the rules of this mission so all I have to do is perform as I am told? _

_I don't want to waste my chance, nothing can be certain, especially for people like us…Trowa, Quatre…as much as I want to pretend like this was just something we have to accept…I am no longer capable of doing that now…_

_Do you remember, once upon a time, when we had first met? You told me to "stop pretending to be human"…why couldn't you have just left it at that? Just let me keep on pretending…_

_No, you had to come through to me! You have to come through and actually make me human! I have weaknesses now. As I watch Trowa's suffering, as I witness Quatre's agony…_

_It hurts me Duo, why did you have to let me know that? Why couldn't you just let me believe that the only time one feels pain is when their bodies are being torn to shreds? The aching within…the pain that comes without blood, bruise or injury…it's so much worse…_

_I don't want to regret anything…_

_I don't want to live and die repenting…_

_Do you understand that?_

_Duo?_

He couldn't hold his place in that room any longer, and Heero hastily made his way to the door. He couldn't stay, the atmosphere was chocking him. His own thoughts were pushing him to the brink of a breakdown.

The path to the exist was narrow, and he couldn't avoid brushing past Duo on the way. Upon contact, he stopped. He didn't do it by choice, but it was as if there was some incredible, yet undistinguishable force that held him to the spot. He glanced backwards briefly, and his line of vision came locked to that of Duo's once again. 

Duo's mouth moved a little, and although no sound came out, Heero could read clearly that what he had wanted to say was Heero's name.

_"I'm guessing you're the type of person who can tell what someone is saying just by reading their lips right?"_

_…_

His vision blurred all of a sudden, he couldn't take been in there any longer. Before Duo had a chance to try to say anything else, Heero had already stepped out of the room and closed the door behind him. 

**A/N: English is not my second language either…**

*ANYWAY* This fic is ONE years old today!! Eep! I can't believe it's taken me THIS long to get this point! And to think I was planning to finish it before Uni started this year! (ie, March), as you can see I am *_slightly* _ behind schedule…

So, if you are planning to take your time to review this fic, please leave a little note wishing it a "HAPPY BIRTHDAY!" (^^)

Oh, I have started a new fic, titled "A Time For Us", pairing 2x5x2. Just in case you care.

I'm not making any deadlines for myself in relations to updates, not just yet. Uni is a killer right now.

*Sigh* Drink Coffee, listen to Seki Toshihiko sing "Kitto Ok!" and remember to go to bed at a reasonable hour!!

That's pretty much all from me for now! See you next chapter! (Of this fic or any other fic of mine you choose to read ^^)

BaiBai!


	22. Revelations: Part three

**CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE**

He was _so exhausted._

As Duo stepped out of the doctor's office, he felt as if he would just collapse right there and then. Even the door seemed so impossibly heavy, it took practically everything out of him to get it shut.

_I…need sleep…_

The thought passed through his mind in a haze as he walked shakily in the direction back to Trowa's hospital room. It was true, it's been so long since he's had any sleep, he couldn't even keep count anymore…ever since Heero's memory recovered, Duo's hours of shuteye have reduced drastically.

But that wasn't the only problem. He knew he needed rest, but he couldn't. It wasn't as if he didn't want to, he simply could not do it. It wasn't really his body that was drained to the point of breakdown, it was his mentality. 

 _My head feels like it's gonna explode…_

_Hell, just explode already and get it over with!_

He stopped at the door of his destination, and he stared down at the knob as if it was some strange new tool he didn't know how to use. The words of the doctor he had just spoken to echoed through his aching head.

 _"He was very lucky…two shots to the chest at medium range and neither got his heart, but the damage to his internal organs is extremely serious…the bullets have been removed, and the internal bleeding has been stopped, but the harm done was terribly severe…"_

_"Are you saying he's going to die?"_

_"We've done all we can, the rest is up to him…he has to fight if there's any hope of survival…"_

Duo could feel the veins throbbing in his head, his fatigue only overcome by his fury.

_Fight? They're telling him to fight?! Fight for his life?!_

He has always hated doctors, and now he was reminded all over again why this detestation existed. The hapless, weak lot of them! _They're telling a soldier to fight for his life. Do they even think of what he was fighting for that placed him into this predicament?! Trowa…all of us…we put our lives on the line again and again to keep that desperate hold on what little trace of peace there is! That's the fight we have to face! _

_Now…now that we've turned to you…and that's all you're able to do? To tell him to keep fighting? This_ should not be his battle! His job is done! It's your turn to fight for him now! Why do you all have to be so useless! Pathetic! Useless! Pitiable wretches!!__

A sound from the other side of the door brought his thoughts to a hold, and he recognized it to be Quatre's voice, although it's become so low and hoarse people who didn't know him well would've had a hard time telling.

"…am I cursed? Wufei? Is that it? Is that why it keeps happening to me?"

"Stop thinking that way" Wufei's voice sounded just as tired as Duo felt.

"I can't think of anything else…I've been trying…I just can't…"

"Why?"

"I didn't feel anything…I couldn't save him…I couldn't save anyone…"

"That's not true…"

"I watched them die…I watched my father and sister die…I…the only thing I could do was watch…the only thing…"

Duo wasn't sure if Quatre could even hear Wufei at all, he sounded as if he was either sleep talking or in hypnosis, not really directed at anyone or anything in particular.

"Is this some sort of punishment?" Quatre went on, still monotonous "Is this punishment for my betrayal of my pacifist family and becoming a soldier? Why must it be like this…why can't it just be _me_ who has to be sacrificed…why? Why does it have to be this way…? Why…"

 "Listen to me" Wufei's voice regained some of its edginess "It's not punishment; there's no justice in this. There never is any in war. I had to be the helpless bystander as I watched my own wife die… I could do nothing... and when my entire clan made the ultimate sacrifice…made it for me…what was there that I could do to prevent it?"

A long silence followed, and Duo was debating whether or not to enter when Quatre suddenly spoke again.

"I'm tired"

 _Quatre…_

The tone of his voice portrayed that statement more clearly than the actual words did. He sounded like he was just about to pass out, running out of both breath and strength.

"I'm so tired…we just keep walking this road…this path paved with blood…and we keep falling over…over and over and over…it doesn't matter how many times we pick ourselves up …we're just going to keep falling…"

Duo bit his lower lip…_falling…the feeling's all too familiar…_

"I don't want this…I _hate this…I __hate having to stumble over all the time…I want…to just be able to stand up, and stay standing…I don't want to keep going…I don't…"_

His voice finally faded into nothing, and Wufei didn't try to reply. Duo backed away from the door, he couldn't go back into the room, not right now. He couldn't face Quatre, or Wufei, or Trowa…

He wanted Heero.

He wanted him so badly…

He couldn't help but picture himself in Quatre's situation, something he had been trying desperately to avoid since hearing the shattering news…he didn't want to imagine what it'd be like for him if Heero was the one dying…would it be even worse? So many things were left hanging…

_No! I'm not going to think like this! Heero's not going to die! He's not! _

He pressed his back against the wall and shut his eyes, he could tell that he was on the verge of tears again, and cursed himself.

_Why?! This is not like me! This is so not what I am…_

_Or…was…_

He had no choice but to admit, to himself at least, that he hasn't been what he originally thought was 'him' for a long time already. A part of him even wanted to succumb to those tears, to just let loose what he was keeping inside him, it was eating him alive. He didn't want to hold it in…

He didn't want that…

But he was also so clear on what it was he _did_ want just then…

_And it always has to be something I can't have…_

Keeping one hand on the wall for support, he slowly made his way down the rest of the length of that hallway, staggering a little as he did so. He wasn't even sure where he intended to head, but knew that he just had to get as far away from that room as his conscience would allow him. 

The wall ended unexpectedly, and he nearly stumbled over before realizing he had reached a corner. Turning to his left he saw that the corridor led to where the elevator was, and to his right he saw…

_Heero!_

It really shouldn't have been such a shock to see him there, after all, even if it was solitude Heero was seeking right now, it wasn't like him to be that far away from where he may be needed. But Duo still couldn't help an astonished gasp from escaping at seeing him seated on that bench just around the corner, hands clasped on his knees.

Maybe Heero heard him, or maybe he just sensed someone was watching, because before Duo had time to retreat, Heero looked up at him. And instead of the awkward period of silence Duo was dreading, Heero didn't hesitate a second before uttering a short greeting.

"Hey"

Despite still being in shock, Duo heard himself responding, though in much-broken syntax.

"You …I thought…gone…not here…did you…I…Hey…?"

Heero didn't seem like he noticed the terrible stuttering, he slid over slightly towards one side of the bench, a silent gesture for Duo to approach.

Heart pounding wildly, Duo did as he was bid to do, and took a place beside the person who had been at the centre of his thoughts for the past few hours.

 _Or much, much longer…_

There was a window situated on the opposite wall, directly across from that bench, for a while, all that they did was watch, and listen to the sound of unceasing rain beat against the pane, sometimes softly, but more often intensely.

_Did he want to talk to me or…?_

Duo's unconscious question received an answer when Heero spoke up stiffly:

"Is he alright?"

He didn't look at Duo when he asked it, nor did Duo turn to face him.

"Trowa?"

"Un"

"What do you think?"

"I don't know…"

"How do you expect me to?"

"Hn…"

"They're not trying"

"Who?"

"Doctors"

"Oh…"

They fell back in to silence for a while longer, before it was broken again, this time by Duo. And he didn't care if his chosen conversation topic was appropriate even.

"Last time I was in a place like this, I was waiting for you to wake up"

"Me?"

"We had a mission remember? We almost botched it and practically didn't make it out alive"

"We've had a lot of close calls in our missions"

"None of the other ones cost you your memory"

Heero tossed a sharp look at him, not missing the point.

"We…weren't in a hospital" was Heero's feeble response.

"Perhaps not…but the feeling's pretty much the same…except perhaps I had a higher expectation that you'd be okay"

"You weren't mistaken"

"But you didn't turn out okay"

"I…"

"You weren't the same…you weren't okay…"

"I…have recovered though"

Duo felt a pang in his chest as he murmured his next words "But I wished you'd stayed that way" He covered his eyes with his bandaged hand "I wish you never recovered!"

A horrible wave of guilt washed over him as the selfish desire left his lips, but it was undeniable now. He knew it was wrong to deprive Heero of what little past he had, he knew this wish came out of nothing but self-interest and went against almost everything he had said and believed when Heero was still in his time of amnesia, but he had to say it, it was the only way he could express what he was thinking in a single sentence.

"Really?"

Heero's voice was softer than anticipated, and not at all accusing or angry. Duo couldn't help but turn to meet his gaze. Again, in a startled realization, Duo saw those eyes hold an expression that he had thought he'd never see again. Genuine sentiment, true emotions…even the tiniest hint of warmth…Duo felt his breath quicken, the sensation of excitement rising within him…but the next word out of Heero killed it.

"Why?"

Totally killed it.

"_Why?!" In a mixture of hurt and anger, Duo repeated the word with frightening force. "Why do you _think_?! Do you understand anything of how I'm feeling right now?!"_

"…"

"Don't even try to claim you don't remember! I know you remember everything! Heero, can you just tell me what you're thinking? I'm so sick and tired of having to guess everything! I'm tired Heero! I can't handle this tension anymore! Not with everything that's happened, with everything that's happening, I'm too tired…"

_I'm just too tired…_

_Too tired to keep chasing after you…too tired to keep running from you…too tired to keep trying to hide…too tired to act brave anymore…_

_Aren't you tired Heero? Not even you can hold up like this for this long…_

_Not even you…_

Heero remained mute, and just sat there staring wordlessly at Duo while he raged on, every now and then his brow would crinkle ever so slightly, but no sound came from his throat.

Duo was ready to explode, right then and there he wanted to just let off his frustration by smothering Heero, or at least choke an answer out of him!

"Was what happened so wrong?!" The touchy subject couldn't be avoided any longer, he had to ask "Do you really want to pretend like nothing happened? Like it was just all a bad dream or something that you'd really rather forget about now that you've woken up? Do all those things that you said, that you thought, or did mean shit to you?! Would you be happier if you could lay claim all that happened back then was completely due to your health condition?!"

Question after question, one accusation followed by another, Duo wasn't sure if he really wanted answers, or if all he wanted to hear was a denial from Heero. No, his questions didn't need answers; all he was asking for from Heero was the confirmation that, indeed, not all was lost.

"I…" The other boy finally found his ability to speak again "I don't know…what are you trying to say?"

Wild-eyed with disbelief, Duo gripped both Heero's shoulders, trembling : "You still can't figure it out? After all this time you still feel nothing? One of our best friends is straying on the line between life and death and yet you feel no apprehension? Or at least any urgency to…to _do_ anything?!"

_To hold on…to hold on…just hold on!_

_Ask it direct and bite that bullet…or else you will never find resolution!_

"Tell me Heero"  Duo's hand slid from their hold "What do you see me as now? What am I to you?"

"What do I see…?"

"Do you feel nothing? Has it just gone back to the way it was before all this? Am I just nothing again?"

"No!" At long last Heero gave a reply, though still through shaky tones "That's not it at all! Everything's…different…"

"How's it different? What's changed? What am I to you?" Duo demanded again.

"You…" The answer Duo so anxiously waited for came only as a hushed, uncertain whisper "You're the best friend I've ever had…"

_No! No! NO! NO!! NO!!!!!_

"That's just bullshit and you know it Heero!" Duo sprang from his seat and towered over the object of his exasperation, "that's not what I meant, and you know it! Quit beating around the bush like that and answer me straight! Whatever the answer may be! Is there nothing else?! Don't you feel _anything_ else?!"

"What else…can I say…?" 

_Bite the bullet._

"Do you think of me in the same way that you did when you had amnesia? Do you feel about _me the same way _I_ feel about _you_ right now?"_

"What…do you feel?"

_He…really doesn't get it does he…?_

_What do I feel?_

_He's asking me what I feel?_

_I…_

_…I feel so tired…_

_…so numb…and tired…_

Hopelessness and disappointment washed over him in an icy wave, he was suddenly very aware of gravity that was pulling him down, and his body felt so much heavier…his heart was sinking. He wanted to cry.

_Again…_

"Never mind" He choked out bitterly, shaking his head "Never mind! Just forget it…just forget everything I just said. Just forget that I ever said anything to you…if you're still questioning that…if you still can't figure it out, what's the point of anything anymore?"

_Why did I even try? Why in the fuckin' hell did I even TRY?!_

"Just forget I ever lived, okay?" Duo shut his eyes to barricade the tears he could feel forming "I wish I never knew you"

With those distressed, final words, Duo spun on his heel and headed towards the other end of the hallway, the direction that led him to the elevator. 

_I wish I never met you._

_I wish I never loved you._

_I wish I never…knew…_

                              *                                  *                                  *

He could hear his footsteps fade as he walked further and further away, the strain was almost unbearable. Inside of him, something was screaming.

_Call him back! You idiot! Call him back!_

And yet he could not respond. It was such a simple command, but he couldn't respond or follow it. 

So many questions ran through his mind, all those that Duo asked him, and even more that he was asking himself. Could it have been a mere coincidence that Duo shown up and demand to see his heart at the very same moment he was questioning it himself? 

_"What am I to you?"_

_I love you…_

_"Do you feel nothing else?"_

_Only that I love you…_

_"Do you feel about me the same way I do you?"_

_Yes…only much, much more …_

He had known. He wasn't feeling lost or confused anymore, the only thing left for it was to say it. Pain? Fear? Sorrow? It could be so easy to let all of that go. It wasn't like he didn't know what was in stall for him should he chose to take that action. The happiness he had felt during those months with Duo was perhaps the clearest thing he remembered of that period of time. And he had no doubt now…

He wanted it back…

_But to get it back…_

_…It's so…_

With a start, he realized…

_It's so easy…! It was perhaps the simplest thing he ever had to do in order to get what he wanted. No bloodshed was needed, no obstacles apart from himself…to relieve his own pain, to free himself…_

_Duo!_

With a gasp he stood up, and without pausing to think about it dashed down the hall in the same direction Duo had taken only moments earlier.

                              *                                  *                                  *

_Fresh air!_

Duo stumbled out of the Hospital and took in a desperate lungful of air. That whole place had been chocking him from the moment he entered it, but the last few moments had been plain suffocation. He needed to get out of there.

It was still raining, in fact it was coming down harder than it had been before, but Duo welcomed the downpour, it cooled the air and emptied the area surrounding the front steps. He needed to be alone.

A few steps forward, he was nearly out of the shelter of the ledges, and he could practically feel drops of water on his nose. He smiled.

_"When you're in the rain, no one can tell if you're crying…"_

Who was it that said that? 

_Doesn't really matter now…_

One more step, and he drew a sharp breath as the cold rain beat down upon his body with little mercy. It was colder than he had expected, but that didn't bother him either.

_"No one can tell if you're crying"_

That was all he needed, even if only in silence, even if he was the only one who cared. He let go. He raised his vision towards to sky, allowing the rain to fall into his eyes and blend with tears before they had a chance to escape. Disguising the weakness he wished he didn't have to have.  

Tears and rain mixed together as they ran down his cheeks, into his collar and down the length of his body. No longer able to tell which was which, where one ended, where the other begun…

…_No one cares if you're crying… ___

Was it possible to drown in rain? Not at this rate of course…but is possible to will oneself into a trance? What did it really matter? People die everyday, every minute. He just wanted to be left alone.

_Pathetic, yes…_

_But can I help it?_

_…_

Then a sound penetrated his thoughts. It wasn't loud, or sharp, but so distinctive he could not ignore it.

"Duo!"

_Oh my God…_

He didn't move, hoping almost, that it was a figment of his imagination. Hallucination didn't seem so unlikely right now.

_And I so do not want him to see like this right now…_

"Duo, can you hear me?" The voice did not relent.

"I've heard all you had to say" Duo murmured, though he was pretty sure his voice wasn't going to travel far enough for Heero to pick it up.

"Listen to me" it could be sensed he was coming closer "It's true that I have remembered everything, and the fact that you know this means you must remember as well"

Duo remained transfixed, not knowing what he wanted.

"I remember that at some point, I had told you exactly what I had told you just then, that you are the best friend I ever had. And I never speak empty words, I meant them"

Duo bowed his head, _what's his point? I never doubted that…but it's not what I was searching for him to say…_

"And I also remember, the things I had said and felt after that time. Everything. Do you still recall? 'Best friend' was not the only thing I saw you as, and I doubt you wouldn't know what I'm referring to, since it's what you were asking of me just then"

_Oh…_

Duo's breath quickened, and he finally cast a glance backwards. He was picking up on what Heero was saying, but was afraid to believe it. So much so, he had to make sure it was even Heero doing the talking. The voice was the same, yet so foreign…speaking the words he was longing to hear and so afraid to miss…

_Heero?_

"Those things I said…the commitments I made…" Heero stepped forward into the rain, and though it immediately compromised his vision, didn't falter the sincerity in his tone "I meant them, Duo. Every word of it. I meant them. Don't ask if they were just merely out of consequence or influence…memory or not, my instincts were still my instincts and my feelings were that of my own. I said those things for a reason. I felt that way for a reason"

He closed the distance between them in one swift stride, and grabbed Duo by the shoulders, forcing him to face him, forcing their eyes to meet.

"And that reason was you" He said with steady pace "And it still is you"

Duo wasn't even sure if he was crying anymore, things are going so blurry: "What are you saying Heero?"

"Can't you tell? When I asked the same of you you never replied"

"But I…I don't know…nothing is sure anything, I can't tell anything…"

"Fool" Heero echoed Duo's tone from only a little while ago "You fool"

"Maybe I am but…"

He wasn't given a chance to finish, the trailing resistance cut off when he suddenly found Heero's lips pushing up against his own.

_Heero!_

In an automatic reflex, before he knew he was doing it, Duo felt himself responding to the kiss…even if it had been impossible to respond to his words, the physical act was, surprisingly, nowhere near as difficult.

After all, familiarity breeds skill.

All that needed to be said, all that needed to be confirmed or answered. This was it.

_The most appropriate solution is always the simplest…_

_ "…Just wild beat communication         nanimo osorenaide_

_kanjiaeru  tashika na ima             dare ni mo ubaenai kara…"_

_*…Don't be afraid of anything. Because no one's going to take away our shared feelings of now …*_

_Perhaps there's truth in there after all…_

It didn't matter they were still standing before the front steps of a hospital, it didn't matter they were soaked to the skin by the chilling rain…if it was only that moment they could hold on to, that's what they were going to do.

_"Just wild beat communication              ame ni utare nagara_

_iroasenai atsui omoi        karada-juu de tsutaetai yo tonight!"  _

_*…Just wild beat communication           While being pounded by rain…*_

_*…I want to express this unfading passion with my entire body, tonight!...*_

_Can reality just wait one moment?_

Duo's hands found their way into Heero's hair, his neck, his back…Fingers tracing over the familiar lines and contours of that body and features he's missed and longed for, for ever, ever so long.__

_Hold on to me…_

_Just keep holding on…_

He smiled, a fleeting moment. Fantasy and reality was finally merging.

And he held on.

He didn't know how long the kiss lasted, a few seconds? A few minutes? An eternity? It didn't matter. All he knew when he pulled away was that Heero was smiling back at him. Heero was in his arms, and smiling at him.

"What do you say" He whispered "that it's time we go back to the dry lands?"

 The response came in the form of a quick peck on the forehead, and the two of them turned to go back inside.

But inside, the real world is still waiting. One can't escape it for long. Fate just had the idea that their revelations had to happen during such a situation. One can never forget where they are, who they are or what their dispositions should be, no matter how blissful the moment may be.

One heartache may have just come to a close. 

But another is only waiting to begin.

**A/N: Hey, remember me?**

Whew! Finally finished another one, how long is this gonna drag out for you ask? Well, I'm asking the same thing.

That was heck of a 'tiring' chapter eh? Kinda like how I'm feeling…exams suck…

I don't think I need to tell you what song those lyrics came from, but I feel I should credit the translation site: Anime Lyrics.com 

I'm pretty sure most people don't remember that reference to "When you're in the rain, no one can tell if you're crying" quote…I think that was Chapter 12, but I'm not even that sure anymore…

As for that "Me no English" note in the last chapter…that's really just another way of saying "be nice in pointing out errors", can I use it again?

On totally unrelated basis, I'm probably gonna be removing one of my old fics "Admission" soon, if you want to have a last glance at my horrid earlier works…(although still precious to me, bad as it is, 'cos it was my first GW fic!)

See you next time, and wish me luck in my exams.

Bai!


	23. Love United: Part one

**CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO**

_I hope this isn't a dream…_

_I hope I'm not hallucinating…_

_And even if I am…please just never let me wake up…_

With his eyes still closed, Duo smiled and snuggled deeper into the embrace of Heero, who held him, breathing in the still-rain-soaked scent of his body.

_Just give me this moment…_

_Just give us this moment…_

His eyes opened slowly as he felt a gentle peck on his forehead. His breath quickened.

"Heero…"

The other boy's eyes were locked with his own, expressing what his voice still failed to show.

"Hard to believe, eh?"

After coming back inside, they realized that going out into the rain was hardly the wisest thing they could've done, getting soaked to the skin right then wasn't all that convenient a tactic. But then again, what's done is done. Fortunately, their clothes dried off relatively quickly, being designed to deal with situations unprecedented, but their hair didn't have it so easy. Heero's was still dripping down his face, and Duo had no choice but to let his out in a tangled, wavy disarray.

Right then the two of them were back on the bench where they had been sitting earlier, only in very different positions. Heero sat in the middle of the bench, and Duo lay on side with his head in Heero's lap, and his hair spreading out along the rest of the length of that bench.

They had taken a brief glance back into the situation in Trowa's room, but things looked pretty much the same as when they had left it, if anything, things were stable.

And in times like these, that was all they could really be hoping for.

Part of him still felt weird doing this; given the predicament they were in, Duo felt somewhat uneasy about being so happy. It was perhaps the most ironic thing that's ever entered his mind – all that effort made to act as if though he was happy when he was really walking a tightrope on the edge of a breakdown, and now, truly feeling the bliss yet also the need to conceal that happiness.

_Just give me this moment…_

_This moment is all I need…_

Heero's hand worked it's way through Duo's damp, tousled long hair, and with each stroke gained a little more sense of reality. It wasn't the dream-like pleasure he had envisioned when he had initially found what his heart wanted, nor was it the surreal kind of perfection he had felt when he and Duo first admitted their love that night so long ago.

This…This was real.

That was the only way he could think of it.

There was nothing beautiful about their surroundings, there was nothing romantic in the way their confessions had come, and he had no expectations of any fairy-tale endings and he wouldn't have even dared to use the word "forever".

But this – this moment – was real. 

They hadn't spoken more than two sentences to each other since coming back inside, but that didn't matter. Heero didn't need words, because words meant nothing. Sure, he could make promises, but they'd be so empty, he didn't have any clue as to what hand of fate will be dealt to him next, why make promises if they're only going to be broken? What's the use of putting Duo through something like that again?

_I can only promise to love you and protect you for as long as I am living…for as long as I am able…_

His thoughts drifted to Quatre and Trowa; they had made promises to each other, and there's no way either of them would've ever dreamed about breaking those vows, but sometimes one has to question whether or not they even have the right to make those promises to begin with.

Trowa once gave his life to bring Quatre back to his senses; and now, had he been given the chance, Quatre would've given up his own life in an instant in exchange for Trowa's – but that's all redundant, it didn't matter what he was willing to do, because reality wouldn't let it be. Who's to say now that Trowa wouldn't want to protect Quatre? But how could he protect someone else when he's only hanging by a thin thread to his own life? 

_When it all comes down in the end, we are helpless in the face of such fate…_

_We can't control it…_

_Nothing is certain…_

_But this moment is real, and that's all I care about…_

_Just give me this moment…_

                              *                                  *                                  *

Wufei was startled by a sudden sharp beeping from the laptop that was lying beside him. He was sitting in a very small, empty room located on the same level as that of Trowa's, which he managed to find after leaving Quatre there on his own. He didn't feel like his presence was doing anything to help them, if anything it just added to the depression in the air. 

_Must've drifted off somehow…_he thought in amazement…_I must be more tired than I thought if I could sleep at a time like this…_he was somewhat displeased with himself.

Flipping open the laptop, he skimmed through the instructions which appeared on the screen.

"Hardly unexpected…" he murmured softly "And I'm sick of waiting anyway"

It's been almost three hours since they've arrived at the hospital, and he was feeling more frustrated and irritated by the moment. Not only did he have to deal with Quatre's trauma and despair, he also had to endure the tension that hung in the atmosphere whenever Heero and Duo were in the same piece of airspace at any point in time. Sympathy could only go so far and patience could only last so long; he was starting to feel like a time bomb just waiting for the chance to unleash havoc…it was getting too much, all this apprehension _had_ to get let off somewhere.

Heero and Duo haven't reappeared since the former ran out of Trowa's room and the latter went after him; Wufei didn't want to think of what may be happening with them, it's been occupying his thoughts for way too much of the time lately, and right then that was definitely not the first thing he should be worried about; but he needed to find them.

It wasn't that he was unwilling to handle this mission alone, but by experience he knew it was not something he should attempt to handle alone – and he wasn't as stubborn as he once was.

_Well…I know where Quatre is, but who knows what to expect of him? _

Quatre was grief-stricken, yes, but that wasn't the only thing to be worried about. If he was to get into his Gundam like this…there's more than a slight chance his self-control would be non-existent.

_Those two couldn't have gotten the message already since the laptop has been with me all this time, so they must still be somewhere in this hospital…_

It was like a slap in the face.

_Oh terrific, now I've got it narrowed down to one enormous hospital full of people, what the hell were we thinking? We're not meant to split up! Damn it!_

With no time to waste on curses, he picked up the laptop and began his hunt.

                              *                                  *                                  *

"Heero?"

"Hn?"

"I'm so sorry…"

"…" Heero tensed.

"Don't be alarmed" Duo reassured quickly "it's nothing like that…it's just…I just can't stop thinking about…about how stupid I've been…"

"In what?"

"In everything! How we wasted so much time…and…and how I was so scared about trying to find what I wanted…I wish I wasn't such a coward…"

"And I wasn't?" Heero cut in "You can't shoulder all the blame, it was me doing the running away…"

"But I just feel like it was my fault you felt the need to do that…like even before you got your memory back, we…we were together and then…we…weren't…"

"Duo that was…"

"I know I know" Duo didn't give Heero a chance to finish "it was because Relena came into it and everything, but still…did you…did you feel like I wasn't…you know, handling it as well as I should…?"

"Umm…" Heero tried to remember what that had been like.

"I mean I tried my best not to act all jealous and…crazy in front of you, but I think I just made things worse like that…"

"Oh…" It came back to him "I didn't know what you were trying to do back then, but it was like…it felt as if you were just playing around, you know?"

"Playing?!" Duo exclaimed "you thought that?!"

"You didn't seem to care that I wasn't around so much of the time, you…set up dates for me, what was I suppose to think?" Heero reasoned.

"I just didn't want you to feel trapped"

"So instead you let me feel rejected"

"Well that's what I've been saying; I'm just a total idiot"

"Hn" Heero smiled faintly.

A short pause later, Duo spoke up again.

"Hey…Heero…" he began hesitantly "Can I ask you something?"

Heero nodded.

"I know this is probably totally irrelevant now but…" he didn't seem to know express his thoughts and Heero patiently waited for him to sort them out.

"How…okay you don't have to answer but…but how did you actually get your memory back?"

A look of mild surprise passed over Heero's face, he mulled over the question for a moment, he himself wasn't all that sure how it happened, but he knew very well what was happening _when_ it happened and wasn't sure if Duo would appreciate the description.

Duo mistook Heero's hesitation for discomfort, and quickly added "You don't' have to answer, really! I was just…wondering…and…"

"No it's just…"

"Re…Relena told us she was trying to…to kiss you and…"

"Oh!" _So he already knew_.

"Yeah…and I was thinking…you know…we've…like, we've kissed heaps of times before that happened and…well, nothing happened, plus we tried all that other stuff and everything and nothing worked so…" Duo rambled on, his face growing red.

"It wasn't that"

"Huh?"

"It wasn't like that, it wasn't that simple" Heero said slowly "There was…a lot of factors, I wasn't even thinking about where I was or what I was doing, I mean, it was definitely very weird what she was doing, but it wasn't really that part I was thinking about…"

"Huh?!" Duo asked again, utterly puzzled "What else was there to think about?!"

"Do you remember that nightmare I kept having when we were sharing a room?"

"Of course…how could I forget?" _Seeing you cry like that totally tore me apart, how could I possibly not remember?_

"And remember that time I left the gas running and nearly killed myself?"

"Are you saying it felt like a near-death experience?" Duo raised an eyebrow – that seemed a bit harsh.

"No, no…that's part of what makes it so weird, during that, and in the nightmare I knew that I was going to die…"

"You didn't die Heero!"

"All right, I thought I was going to…but then I just didn't focus on that"

"You're confusing the heck out of me Heero!"

"What I'm trying to say is, all those times, I just kept feeling like I could almost reach out and…grab something...something in my past, and all these thoughts and images pass through my mind but they go by so fast I can't get hold of anything…then suddenly it'd just break off, and I'd…I would feel cold all over and eventually wake up, right back where I started"

"Oh…"

"But that time, it didn't break…there was no one there to get me out of it…and I…got through I guess…"

"So…" Duo bit his lip "maybe me being there all the time really wasn't such a good idea"

"That's not the point, and you know it"

"Yeah but…I just wish it didn't happen like that…"

"You had a plan?"

"No…I just…I sort of pictured that it'd be me who got you your memory back"

"Well…you wouldn't have liked dealing with me right at that moment"

Duo chuckled softly "would anybody have dared?"

"Hn" Heero looked away.

"You think you may've been able to handle things better?"

"What?"

"If it had been the other way round" Duo explained "If I had lost my memory, would you have…reacted any different?"

Heero thought about it for a moment and replied cautiously "That would've been a very different situation"

"Yeah, for starters, you wouldn't have cared" Duo said, though he obviously was just trying to tease Heero.

It worked "I would!"

"And Relena doesn't like me…"

"Could've been anyone else"

"So you're saying it would've been just as bad?"

"Umm…"

"And that you're probably just as big an idiot as me?"

"Oi!" Heero yelped "I never said you were! You were the one who kept…"

Half-laughing, Duo reached up and put an arm around his neck, pulling Heero's face towards his own. He kissed him before the sentence could be finished.

"I love you" Duo whispered as their lips parted "I love you Heero"

"I know…" the other boy tightened his embrace "I love you too"

He closed his eyes, and leant in for another kiss…

_I love you…_

_I regret not telling you…_

_I regret all the time we wasted…_

_I regret all the needless pain we went through…_

_But now is not the time for regret…_

_Just give me this moment…_

_To tell you I love you…_

_To show you I love you…_

_And it's worth living just to know…_

_You feel the same way too…_

…

Suddenly, their moment was broken by a sharp cry of desolation which echoed through the previously silent hall.

                              *                                  *                                  *

Wufei stopped dead in his tracks, his search for the two Gundam pilots on the lower levels had proven fruitless, and was only just running out of the elevator when he heard that terrifying and familiar sound.

"Quatre!"

Racing as fast as he could towards Trowa's room, he rounded a corner and almost crashed straight into the very two boys he had been searching for.

"Heero! Duo!" 

Had it been any other time perhaps he would've interrogated into as of why they were both wet-looking, and what they have been doing all this time, but none of them had time to say anything else then.

They had only just reached Trowa's ward when a band of paramedics sped past them, wheeling a stretcher and shouting instructions to each other, the three boys could only watch them helplessly, not understanding what was going on, until they all disappeared into an operating room on the other end of the hall. The red light on top the door blinked on.

"What happened?!" Duo was the first to react "Quatre!"

They rushed into the room, which was now almost empty with the bed, and Trowa gone. Kneeling on the floor near the window was Quatre, his eyes glazed over and his arms wrapped desperately around himself.

"Quatre!" Duo ran over and knelt down beside him "What is it?! What happened to Trowa?!"

"Trowa…?" Quatre whispered the name like he didn't recognize it.

"I thought things were okay, I thought they said everything was stable!"

"Trowa!"

Suddenly, Quatre was on his feet, and without warning raced out of the room.

"Oi!" Wufei and Heero exclaimed at the same time as Quatre pushed violently past them "Oi! Quatre!"

When they caught up to him, he was already standing outside the operation room, banging both fists on the door and screaming Trowa's name.

"Oh my God!" Duo cried "Wufei! Heero! We have to stop him!"

"What the hell happened?!" Heero cursed through gritted teeth as he grabbed one of Quatre's arms and wrestled him away from the door, he had no Quatre could be _this_ strong.

"Could we get some help here?!" Wufei, holding on to Quatre's other arm, roared down the hallway at anyone who may be able to hear.

A flurry of activity later, Quatre lay unconscious in Heero's arms, having been given a strong dose of tranquilizers through a shot on the arm. He was then put on a stretcher and carried back to Trowa's room.

"What is going on?!" Duo stopped one of the medics on the way "What happened to Trowa?"

"Are you a relative of his?"

"Does it matter?!" Duo never had such a strong urge to strangle someone "Tell me!"

"There was a sudden change in his condition" the medic said, somewhat intimidated. "He took a turn for the worse, and just then his heart failed"

"Wha…" Duo stumbled backwards, Heero quickly held on to his shoulder.

"Is he dead?"

"It was only momentary, he's undergoing emergency operations right now, that is all I can tell you, you'll have to speak to the doctors after it is over to find out more, I'm sorry" The man made a quick exit.

Duo hunched over and put a hand over his mouth, feeling as if he was going to be sick, while the other two boys could only stand there, wide eyed, facing one another.

Darkness had fallen

                              *                                  *                                  *

"Heero…" 

"Yeah…?"

"If…if Trowa died…"

"Stop it Duo"

"I don't want to say this okay? But…but…"

"…?"

"If Trowa died…do you think that…Quatre's gonna…you know…"

"Go crazy again?"

"…yeah…"

"Yes"

Duo looked at him in surprise, he didn't think Heero would be so direct.

Heero sensed this: "you know what Trowa means to him…"

"But…"

"If you were there to see when Quatre first got into the Zero System…" Heero shook his head "I just…have a bad feeling…"

Duo sighed.

"We're here"

They had arrived back at the base where they had left their Gundams. Even with the crisis at the hospital they still had to carry out their mission, but they left Wufei back there just to make sure nothing was going to happen to Quatre, at least not then; as always they kept him on constant alert.

"Well Deathscythe" Duo took a deep breath as he looked at his Gundam "Looks like it's time again" He glanced over to Wing Zero and saw that Heero was already in the cockpit.

"Oi…Heero" He called out, suddenly feeling jittery and a little choked up.

"Hmm?"

"I…I'm scared Heero…"

"Wha…?!" A shocked gasp answered that statement.

"No really…I've never been so scared in my life"

"Because the enemy we're facing is…"

"No, no! It's not about that at all, you know this isn't the worst we've faced"

"Then…"

"I'm scared because…this is the only time in my life when I've felt that…I have everything I'll ever want…" Duo's eyes misted and he quickly looked away "And I'm just so…so unbelievably scared that I'm going to lose it all…'cos you know good things never last too long…" his voice broke off.

Suddenly, he found himself enfolded in Heero's embrace, and glanced up in astonishment wondering when he had made his way over.

"Wha…"

"I don't know what I can promise" Heero said softly "but I'm not going to let anything happen to you"

"You know it's not myself I'm worried about"

 Heero didn't reply, but merely kissed him again quickly and returned to his own Gundam.

"Wait!" Duo exclaimed before the cockpit could be closed "Heero! Catch!"

The other boy only barely looked up in time to grab hold of the thing that Duo had thrown in his direction.

"I want you to keep that, as a good luck charm…"

Heero opened his palm, and there was the heart-wrenchingly familiar silver cross, the first gift that he had given Duo…how many times has it exchanged hands between them?

"I…gave this to you" He said.

"Yes, it's mine" Duo affirmed "That's why you have to give it back to me once this is all over"

"I…" Heero's eyes glistened, he understood.

"You have to promise okay?" Duo shouted, smiling through threatening tears "You have to promise to give it back to me! You can't let…anything happen to it, all right?"

And Heero nodded, more certain than ever.

"I promise"

A final glance at one another, and the two young soldiers reassumed their roles, and prepared themselves for battle.

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**A/N: **I can't believe I updated!!! I'm hoping there are still people reading this…I mean you leave a fic in the dust for five months and…*ARGH!!!*

Yes! This fic is drawing to a close, very _very_ soon…I'm so desperate to finish this 'cos I have not yet had ONE finished long multi-chapter fic yet! And I keep getting all these ideas for new fics (not GW though) which I keep wanting to write and then I run out of time etc etc …*sobs*

Next update will…probably be in July…and anyone who thinks that's a long time away, it's only two months! That's efficiency from me!^^;;;;

Sorry about the OOCness of Heero now…but he's getting so hard to get right! The guy's gone through so much, he'd have to change a little…

One last thing, I like Relena now, I had contemplated going back to edit out some of the bashing, but I was lazy…so, yeah, that's gonna be toned down a LOT from now on. Don't think I'll ever try a 1xR, but yeah…

Okay, that's all from me. See you in July…hopefully.

I'm hoping to finish this fic before it's 2nd birthday. Wish me luck!


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